With all my program tools and other helpers, I can SEE now what happened to me. In a way it's hard for me to accept that I got caught in the former merry-go-round called: I know what's best for my A (to go to AA), and because she won't do it, I gave up my serenity. I have learned that I can practice acceptance, let go and let God, live and let live, ODAT, etc., and now and then I just break down and fall off my Alanon path. But I'm sharing this Ah Ha moment to say that I am not beating myself up, but trying to learn from this experience. The next time I think I have all the answers, I need to be humble and remember I am powerless. Just have to turn it over. I will never have all the answers. Let me continue to focus on myself, Lyne
Bo said
Jul 8, 2018
Excellent -- thank you for posting this.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 8, 2018
Thank you for posting this, Lyne!
We all fall off our Al-Anon path/way at one time or another... I know that I have several times. That is why I now see why keeping in touch (whether it be here, or F2F) with Program is critical for those of us who have been afflicted by living within this disease. Learned behaviors over time can be hard to break!
I am thankful for your share today! May the grace of your HP follow you the rest of the weekend & into the future!
hotrod said
Jul 8, 2018
Great honest post Llyne I too found that "Acceptance of others and of life on life's terms helped me to live by my alanon principles
tiredtonite said
Jul 8, 2018
Thanks for sharing your awareness of forgetting to put yourself first. It can be frustrating and sad to witness someone's alcoholism progressing and be powerless to change that. When you love someone, you want the best for them - to be happy, joyous and free of their addiction. I hope sharing about it helped you regain some serenity. ((hugs)) TT
Aline said
Jul 8, 2018
Thanks for sharing, Lyne. The bit about thinking I have all the answers spoke to me the most... I've noticed that when I most want to say something, for instance, like its almost painful to not say it, it is a pretty sure sign my ego is running rampage and I think at that moment I know all the answers. Now that I think about it its usually regarding other people's lives, not mine!
Tude said
Jul 8, 2018
I'm grateful this is a program of growing and not"arrived." I relapse and feel no judging from others here. There's a freedom in that! The ability to say I blew it, I now know it and can start right from where I happen to be at the time. It is better when the"aha's!" Happen!
Great share!
Hugs
Iamhere said
Jul 8, 2018
(((Lyne))) - it happens all over to everyone. I consider everything that happens to me - the good/bad/unknown/indifferent - as part of the learning I am to do and as nudges from HP that I'm in need of self-love and acceptance. What I love about recovery is it's perfectly okay to be LTP - Less Than Perfect. It eases my mind when I slip to know I am human, it's going to happen and it's how I was designed....keep coming back!!
SerenityRUS said
Jul 8, 2018
Hugs Lyne, I so relate to your share .. thanks for being here. :)
milkwood said
Jul 9, 2018
I love that feeling of letting go and letting God, when I remember to do it!!!
Thank you for the reminder that I'm always learning (to be gentle with myself, to keep practising, to keep the focus on myself...)
Lindajean said
Jul 9, 2018
I too have lost my serenity more times than I can remember. I lost it big time yesterday and it's all due to not working the program and taking care of myself. Wanting to fix the alcoholic sister next door who lives with my 80 year old mother. I see the dysfunction everyday and watch as she manipulates my mother. My mother is a strong cookie and has a rental business that my sister works for. Renters are complaining about my alcoholic sister and family has decided not to come and visit due to her drinking. I'm also the middle man because I live next door the other two sisters use me as a lookout etc. I even decided to tell my mother yesterday that I would quit my job and work for her. Help her out but she is angry at us sisters telling her what to do etc. I said I was worried my alcoholic sister was abusing her mentally. My mother then kicked me out of her home. I then yelled at my alcoholic sister. I completely lost it!! This happens a lot with me. I do good and then hit bottom where I want control and power to make everyone and everything perfect.
I'm 60 years old and still forget the program and being powerless!!
Thanks for your share Lyne
Jozie said
Jul 9, 2018
(((Lyne)))
Thank you for your Honest & Humble Share, I too can relate...Some times My very Own "Merry-Go-Round" becomes so "Normal" and sometimes "Comfortable" its Easy to Jump ON and a lot harder to Jump Off when I'm Not Focused on my Program :/ But when I do finally Regain my Footing, I'm Grateful HP is Patient with me... Love your Awareness & So Glad your here to Share in the Journey with us all :)
(((Lindajean)))
So Very Glad you are Here... Welcome to the Family, and when I was In the Face of Alcoholism on a Daily basis, I too "Lost it" ALOT... For Me I Had to put a bit of Distance between Me & the Alcoholic... Even if that Meant Not being Who "They" Expected me to be... Sometimes I had to deal Another Hand instead of being the punching board for the others, that Only had Opinions of what "I" Should Do, while they sat idly by and Watched as My World Slowly Crashed around me, and theirs was Unscaved by it... When I Learned to "Take care of ME First!" then the Wheels Changed for the Better :)
Please Take what you like and Leave the Rest
Jozie
andromeda said
Jul 9, 2018
Hugs Lyne, that's what's program is for......if we never got back on that merry go round, we'd never need program again and I know I will need it forever. It's about progress, not perfection. Hang in there. The beauty of program is in knowing that we can off the merry go round when we're ready and we can become aware of it now. Before program, I never had any awareness and I was in a deep dark hole of denial. Sending you hugs today!
Lyne said
Jul 9, 2018
Thanks to all of you for responding. I feel much better today and there is healing from sharing. I also see I am not alone, cannot be perfect, and need to keep coming back. Hugs to my MIP family, and here's to a better day. Lyne :)
Bo said
Jul 9, 2018
I have triggers -- little things that just trigger me -- it could be something my daughter says about her mother, as innocent as, "Mom and I went for mani/pedi's and we really had a great time, we talked about a lot of things" or my daughter makes an innocent comment about money, "I have to pay for ___________, and I didn't get a lot of hours at work this week, etc." These little, passing, innocent comments trigger my "Stinking Thinking" -- they cause a quick, nanosecond reaction in me -- maybe a twinge in my stomach, maybe a tightness, something.
Fortunately, since I have found recovery, and I live a life of recovery, and I "practice these principles in all my affairs" -- I am happy. I am healthy. I am able to approach any situation from a place of health and happiness, calmness and serenity, intellect, and communicate as such. I have 24 years in alanon and it has made me a better father, son, brother, friend, business partner, advisor to my clients, and whatever other role I may be in...I am better for having my program. I don't accept unacceptable behavior. I don't allow people who want to "bait" me or people who are nasty and manipulative to "bring me down" or "drag me down" to their level, whatever it may be. So, today, those triggers -- if I have that nanosecond reaction, I am so very proud to say, my program reaction/thinking kicks in, takes over, and it is innate!!! The slip that comes from the trigger, whatever it is -- my stinking thinking, an unhealthy reaction, my mind starting to race, whatever it is -- it only lasts for a few seconds!!! That my friends...is a miracle. It is not because of me. It is not because I'm an expert at anything. It is not because I am smart. It is because I embraced alanon and it is a curriculum for living my life.
I go to meetings. I do my readings. And I pick up the phone. I work it. I am worth it. Because...it works if you work it...so work it...you are worth it.
JerryF said
Jul 9, 2018
I am going to have to come back here several times today just to keep my spirit in one quiet place. I have soooo many things sitting out in the open that I could, can and do complain about and then come back to the belief that I am addicted to fear, anxiety, global negativism and more and of course I have soooo many theys' and thems' I and point fingers at. This morning I added foreigners to the list that have moved here and brought their insects with them that are now invading my home and my pets and my arrrgh!
And of course I've made it all worse...The only non-recovering person I have in my life right now is me. I've had some powerful spiritual awakenings this morning yet it seems that is not good enough for the moment. I will have to gather quiet time and meditate those awakenings and settle my soul to quiet thoughts and feelings.
I am here for the duration today. I want peace of mind and serenity and I'm going to get that. Mahalo Lynne ((((hugs))))
Lyne said
Jul 10, 2018
Jerry, I can relate so much! And I guess what's fascinating to me is that at times I can hold my mind quiet, and at other times, I just can't. I also have to make sure serenity happens because I can't make anyone do it for me. It's tough being a grown up sometimes. Good luck! Lyne
PosiesandPuppies said
Jul 10, 2018
(((((Lyne))))) Hope today is a better day for you!
Bo - great share! That mindset is what I am working towards!
Hugs, Jerry! Just wanted you to know that I hear your struggles today, and I support you. You have always provided me with wisdom and support, not sure how much wisdom I would have, so I am at least giving you my support! LOL!
With all my program tools and other helpers, I can SEE now what happened to me. In a way it's hard for me to accept that I got caught in the former merry-go-round called: I know what's best for my A (to go to AA), and because she won't do it, I gave up my serenity. I have learned that I can practice acceptance, let go and let God, live and let live, ODAT, etc., and now and then I just break down and fall off my Alanon path. But I'm sharing this Ah Ha moment to say that I am not beating myself up, but trying to learn from this experience. The next time I think I have all the answers, I need to be humble and remember I am powerless. Just have to turn it over. I will never have all the answers. Let me continue to focus on myself, Lyne
We all fall off our Al-Anon path/way at one time or another... I know that I have several times. That is why I now see why keeping in touch (whether it be here, or F2F) with Program is critical for those of us who have been afflicted by living within this disease. Learned behaviors over time can be hard to break!
I am thankful for your share today! May the grace of your HP follow you the rest of the weekend & into the future!
Thanks for sharing your awareness of forgetting to put yourself first. It can be frustrating and sad to witness someone's alcoholism progressing and be powerless to change that. When you love someone, you want the best for them - to be happy, joyous and free of their addiction. I hope sharing about it helped you regain some serenity. ((hugs)) TT
Thank you for the reminder that I'm always learning (to be gentle with myself, to keep practising, to keep the focus on myself...)
I'm 60 years old and still forget the program and being powerless!!
Thanks for your share Lyne
Thank you for your Honest & Humble Share, I too can relate...Some times My very Own "Merry-Go-Round" becomes so "Normal" and sometimes "Comfortable" its Easy to Jump ON and a lot harder to Jump Off when I'm Not Focused on my Program :/ But when I do finally Regain my Footing, I'm Grateful HP is Patient with me... Love your Awareness & So Glad your here to Share in the Journey with us all :)
(((Lindajean)))
So Very Glad you are Here... Welcome to the Family, and when I was In the Face of Alcoholism on a Daily basis, I too "Lost it" ALOT... For Me I Had to put a bit of Distance between Me & the Alcoholic... Even if that Meant Not being Who "They" Expected me to be... Sometimes I had to deal Another Hand instead of being the punching board for the others, that Only had Opinions of what "I" Should Do, while they sat idly by and Watched as My World Slowly Crashed around me, and theirs was Unscaved by it... When I Learned to "Take care of ME First!" then the Wheels Changed for the Better :)
Please Take what you like and Leave the Rest
Jozie
Fortunately, since I have found recovery, and I live a life of recovery, and I "practice these principles in all my affairs" -- I am happy. I am healthy. I am able to approach any situation from a place of health and happiness, calmness and serenity, intellect, and communicate as such. I have 24 years in alanon and it has made me a better father, son, brother, friend, business partner, advisor to my clients, and whatever other role I may be in...I am better for having my program. I don't accept unacceptable behavior. I don't allow people who want to "bait" me or people who are nasty and manipulative to "bring me down" or "drag me down" to their level, whatever it may be. So, today, those triggers -- if I have that nanosecond reaction, I am so very proud to say, my program reaction/thinking kicks in, takes over, and it is innate!!! The slip that comes from the trigger, whatever it is -- my stinking thinking, an unhealthy reaction, my mind starting to race, whatever it is -- it only lasts for a few seconds!!! That my friends...is a miracle. It is not because of me. It is not because I'm an expert at anything. It is not because I am smart. It is because I embraced alanon and it is a curriculum for living my life.
I go to meetings. I do my readings. And I pick up the phone. I work it. I am worth it. Because...it works if you work it...so work it...you are worth it.
I am going to have to come back here several times today just to keep my spirit in one quiet place. I have soooo many things sitting out in the open that I could, can and do complain about and then come back to the belief that I am addicted to fear, anxiety, global negativism and more and of course I have soooo many theys' and thems' I and point fingers at. This morning I added foreigners to the list that have moved here and brought their insects with them that are now invading my home and my pets and my arrrgh!
And of course I've made it all worse...The only non-recovering person I have in my life right now is me. I've had some powerful spiritual awakenings this morning yet it seems that is not good enough for the moment. I will have to gather quiet time and meditate those awakenings and settle my soul to quiet thoughts and feelings.
I am here for the duration today. I want peace of mind and serenity and I'm going to get that. Mahalo Lynne ((((hugs))))
Bo - great share! That mindset is what I am working towards!
Hugs, Jerry! Just wanted you to know that I hear your struggles today, and I support you. You have always provided me with wisdom and support, not sure how much wisdom I would have, so I am at least giving you my support! LOL!