I am a new member here at this message board. My name is BBDoll and my husband (Scott - not his real name) is an alcoholic. He is currently in rehab for the disease. Today is the 25th day and he is planned to be there for 90 days. I have yet to go to an Al-Anon meeting, but I do have plans to start on Tuesday.
Scott and I have been married for 3 years and have a very good, strong and loving relationship. This is his first time ever going to rehab and he is, for the most part, doing very well. He is motivated to live this new life and I am so proud of him. I have lead a pretty sheltered and blessed life and this is the first time I've ever been through something like this. I'm still trying to learn more about the disease, so please excuse my ignorance of many things that I am going to learn.
I absolutely support Scott. I want to be a strong part of his life that he can depend on. But I find myself very fragile these days. About 6 months before rehab, Scott and I moved to a new city away from all our friends and family. Now I am alone in this city and while I've made a few acquaintances, I have yet to make close friends. I can always call any of my family and that gets me by a bit every now and then.
The truth is, I am depressed, lonely and close to tears at all times. The only thing that I want is my best friend, my center of the universe, my husband. I am so frustrated with myself. He really needs me right now to be okay with the process but I'm just a mess.
Is there anyone out there that could give me some advice? If not, maybe some words of encouragement? I could really use it right now.
Thanks,
BBDoll
Freetime said
Jun 29, 2018
Welcome BBDoll - You are in the right place, and you are not alone.
I too was in a state of shock when I discovered my husband was an alcoholic. I am so glad you plan to go to an Al-Anon meeting. When I started going to face-to-face Al-Anon meetings, things got better for me. The good thing about meetings is you'll meet people who you might not befriend in other circumstances, but who you have a very deep connection with because we all understand what you are going through.
The slogan that helped me during those early days was One Day At A Time. That is all we need to handle... just this day, or this moment.
Keep coming back.
Tude said
Jun 29, 2018
Hi BBDoll! As Freetime shared, you are not alone! Some of the best friends I have I met in this program. I hope you keep coming back and let us know how your meeting went. Those feelings do pass and also fill the time with positive things, and learning how alcohol is a family disease.
Hugs!
tiredtonite said
Jun 29, 2018
Hi BBdoll,
I just want to welcome you to MIP. I encourage you to keep coming back to read and share. Our online meetings here are a great way to get to know about the Alanon program a bit more and feel a bit less lonely. It's alot to be going through something like you are going through and be away from family and friends in a new city. Alanon meetings can really help when you feel the loneliness.
I felt very lonely when my husband was in rehab and very responsible for everything at home. I felt overwhelmed by having to take care of everything on my own and even angry about it. I felt I shouldn't be angry when he was seeking help. I thought I had to tough things out in his absence. I learned at Alanon meetings that it was ok to feel all the feelings I had, share about them and get them out with people who understood. I went home feeling a little less lonely after meetings so I kept coming.
I hope your husband does well but I'm glad you decided to share your feelings here. You count too! Hope you give Alanon meetings a try and find the serenity you very much deserve. (((hugs))) TT
Iamhere said
Jun 29, 2018
I too send out a warm welcome to you BBDoll! I really, really encourage you to seek out and attend Al-Anon and/or other family support groups available as quickly as you can. It is very helpful if you, as a support person to your husband, are also working on recovery. Alcoholism is a family disease, and almost everyone is affected by this disease. Sometimes, our affects are subtle and we don't even know what we don't know until we begin to see our own recovery needs.
We do not give advice in Al-Anon, but do offer experience, strength and hope to each other. I hope you keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery.
canadianguy said
Jul 3, 2018
Hi BBDoll, and good for you in reaching out here at MIP. You have already received some of the family warmth here, and I really DO hope you get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting, as it may well open up a whole new way to see things, and/or supplement the good that you already see in the world.
I wanted to talk to one of the key comments you said in your post - Scott and I have been married for 3 years and have a very good, strong and loving relationship - wow. If this is true, then I tip my hat to you, as you might just be the first person alive to have a healthy good, strong and loving relationship, while one of you is suffering from the disease of alcoholism. The truth is, this insidious disease does not typically allow for healthy, and it has fangs and teeth that are destructive by its very nature. Sounds to me like Scott is taking the right steps for him right now, and is in the right place for him to get his life back on a healthier track. Now comes the less obvious, but sometimes harder part - time for YOU to get yourself healthy/healthier. Al-Anon can definitely help. Posting here on MIP can definitely help. Reading great books (i.e. Getting Them Sober, volume one, by Toby Rice Drews) can definitely help. It is often said that the single biggest thing we can do to support our alcoholic loved ones, is to get ourselves healthy. Find ways to build your life, strength, hope - that are not specifically tied to his disease..... Slowly but surely, it will help you both tremendously in the long run.
I have cut and pasted a link below - an old post about detachment - written by Toby Rice Drews. To me, this is the key for you right now. You have been given the blessing of Scott wanting to choose recovery, AND him being pretty much tied up for 90 days. Please take full advantage of this time - the next 60 days for sure - to dive head first into YOUR program of recovery. You'll be so glad you did.
Hello,
I am a new member here at this message board. My name is BBDoll and my husband (Scott - not his real name) is an alcoholic. He is currently in rehab for the disease. Today is the 25th day and he is planned to be there for 90 days. I have yet to go to an Al-Anon meeting, but I do have plans to start on Tuesday.
Scott and I have been married for 3 years and have a very good, strong and loving relationship. This is his first time ever going to rehab and he is, for the most part, doing very well. He is motivated to live this new life and I am so proud of him. I have lead a pretty sheltered and blessed life and this is the first time I've ever been through something like this. I'm still trying to learn more about the disease, so please excuse my ignorance of many things that I am going to learn.
I absolutely support Scott. I want to be a strong part of his life that he can depend on. But I find myself very fragile these days. About 6 months before rehab, Scott and I moved to a new city away from all our friends and family. Now I am alone in this city and while I've made a few acquaintances, I have yet to make close friends. I can always call any of my family and that gets me by a bit every now and then.
The truth is, I am depressed, lonely and close to tears at all times. The only thing that I want is my best friend, my center of the universe, my husband. I am so frustrated with myself. He really needs me right now to be okay with the process but I'm just a mess.
Is there anyone out there that could give me some advice? If not, maybe some words of encouragement? I could really use it right now.
Thanks,
BBDoll
I too was in a state of shock when I discovered my husband was an alcoholic. I am so glad you plan to go to an Al-Anon meeting. When I started going to face-to-face Al-Anon meetings, things got better for me. The good thing about meetings is you'll meet people who you might not befriend in other circumstances, but who you have a very deep connection with because we all understand what you are going through.
The slogan that helped me during those early days was One Day At A Time. That is all we need to handle... just this day, or this moment.
Keep coming back.
Hugs!
Hi BBdoll,
I just want to welcome you to MIP. I encourage you to keep coming back to read and share. Our online meetings here are a great way to get to know about the Alanon program a bit more and feel a bit less lonely. It's alot to be going through something like you are going through and be away from family and friends in a new city. Alanon meetings can really help when you feel the loneliness.
I felt very lonely when my husband was in rehab and very responsible for everything at home. I felt overwhelmed by having to take care of everything on my own and even angry about it. I felt I shouldn't be angry when he was seeking help. I thought I had to tough things out in his absence. I learned at Alanon meetings that it was ok to feel all the feelings I had, share about them and get them out with people who understood. I went home feeling a little less lonely after meetings so I kept coming.
I hope your husband does well but I'm glad you decided to share your feelings here. You count too! Hope you give Alanon meetings a try and find the serenity you very much deserve. (((hugs))) TT
We do not give advice in Al-Anon, but do offer experience, strength and hope to each other. I hope you keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery.
Hi BBDoll, and good for you in reaching out here at MIP. You have already received some of the family warmth here, and I really DO hope you get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting, as it may well open up a whole new way to see things, and/or supplement the good that you already see in the world.
I wanted to talk to one of the key comments you said in your post - Scott and I have been married for 3 years and have a very good, strong and loving relationship - wow. If this is true, then I tip my hat to you, as you might just be the first person alive to have a healthy good, strong and loving relationship, while one of you is suffering from the disease of alcoholism. The truth is, this insidious disease does not typically allow for healthy, and it has fangs and teeth that are destructive by its very nature. Sounds to me like Scott is taking the right steps for him right now, and is in the right place for him to get his life back on a healthier track. Now comes the less obvious, but sometimes harder part - time for YOU to get yourself healthy/healthier. Al-Anon can definitely help. Posting here on MIP can definitely help. Reading great books (i.e. Getting Them Sober, volume one, by Toby Rice Drews) can definitely help. It is often said that the single biggest thing we can do to support our alcoholic loved ones, is to get ourselves healthy. Find ways to build your life, strength, hope - that are not specifically tied to his disease..... Slowly but surely, it will help you both tremendously in the long run.
I have cut and pasted a link below - an old post about detachment - written by Toby Rice Drews. To me, this is the key for you right now. You have been given the blessing of Scott wanting to choose recovery, AND him being pretty much tied up for 90 days. Please take full advantage of this time - the next 60 days for sure - to dive head first into YOUR program of recovery. You'll be so glad you did.
Hugs
Tom
http://alanon.activeboard.com/t38730205/okay-so-what-can-we-do/