I had an opportunity to remember tools in my program which really helps still and for which I feel deep gratitude. The one I remembered and reused this afternoon was  "What was your part in it"?  The first time I was given that it ticked me off because it diffused the blame I was using and then brought it back on me.  This afternoon I accidently kicked a heavy piece of work laying in my path which I failed to see and my first recourse was make my HP responsible until I heard "So what was your part in it?"   You think my HP got that over to me?    It doesn't hurt anymore and I made some corrections as a better "my part in it".   (((hugs))) 

Jerry, 

Gr8 share, M8... I find step 10 to be handy way through a crisis... so maybe you say this in as many words...?

Great tool --"Looking for my part" no longer can I judge and blame others, instead i can learn the lesson that life wants me to learn as I examine my part.  Thanks for sharing your wisdom, Jerry

(((((MIP Masters)))))WOW my confidence and gratitude soar while reading your responses.  Of course that is why I rely on my MIP relationships and have for such a while.  MIP is one of the my parts in it.  "The elders respond" ...Thank you all.  

 Yep, I am with David.........step 10 comes to MY mind as well...and ya know, "what was your part in it" used to make me feel shame...now i see it as  "ok, what is my lesson in this??? what do I need to work on, etc???   it doesn't necessarily mean I screwed up, i might just mean whatever it was that happened was a "proving to me that I am gonna be OK as long as I am honest, open, willing, etc"   case in point

this bad job I had that literally was sucking the soul out of me...Passive aggressive remarks to me, put downs in a very shrewd, clever way, the filth, the total need to control me, even my restroom usage and my need to hydrate, nourish myself...a horrid place to work......But I STAYED!!!!   WHY???   What was my part in my own misery?????   it was FEAR....And I'm not gonna grow very much re: the fear unless I accept the need to belly up to the bar and be honest with me......

connect to my HP and this time commit to it, persevere in it and trust me and HP that "yea, you can walk away...and afford to....and be ok.....I got something better for you"   that was my part in this experience....my F E A R based tendencies....well???  I decided last week on the 13, I think it was (my last day)  that I'm gonna just invite my fears along and QUIT anyway!!!! And so I did...I sent her a brief text, did it on MY terms, not hers...Took care of me and my emotional health and I bailed!!!!! I just decided to trust in my HP and me whether I felt it or not,  to just trust...I put out good energy, good energy shall come back to me and guess what!!!!  A NICE client I work for, today, I showed up for work and the computer we use is dead....flat lined....so no work for me today, so the guy gives me 2 hrs. pay for showing up and tells me he wants to see more of me after I complete his income taxes, he wants me 2x per month and pays WELL!!!!   I'm gonna be OK....my part in all this??   put out good energy and TRUST in the love and goodness of Creator and myself and keep showing up for my program.....

HUGS for this wonderful share, ((((((((((((((Jerry)))))))))))  Loved reading you, as always 

Jerry.... I sooooo love "what is my part", and know from experience that sometimes this can be asked with a gentle nudge, and sometimes I needed more of a sledgehammer to actually see and hear it.  Case in point - I was at my ex-AW's treatment center, and we had just gone through an emotional family conference (where I explained to her and her counselor, exactly how her drinking had affected us as a family), and then they went back inside to work through the fallout of that....  In the meantime, a separate counselor came and explained to me that they were also available for me (as a family member) and whether or not I had anything I would like to talk about.

Well, I had been feeling pretty good about myself in recent weeks, finally seeming to grasp the whole concept of my recovery, and thinking that I was no longer really doing the pity party thing, as I had found that others feeling sorry for my plight was NOT helping me get better.  So when he offered his ear, I gladly accepted.  We had a good talk, and he asked me if there was anything else on my mind....  I answered "yes, part of me almost wants my wife to drink again, so that I can be done with this/her for good, and society would be on my side!" (Okay, shows I wasn't doing so hot at my recovery, lol).  I think I was probably expecting a response like "Oh, poor Tom - it must be really hard", but what I got was quite different.  The counselor said to me - "of course you do, that way you can continue to blame your wife and her drinking for everything that is wrong in your marriage, and not take responsibility for anything."

Well, I was..... it was..... how dare.....  um, he was 100% right!

Thanks for the reminder Jerry - always helpful

Tom

I need and love this feedback because it urges me into the reality of recovery.  If I don't work it the disease will work me...over.  I will now spend some time on those two of four levels that he disease affects in...mind and emotions.  The parts I choose to treat negatively when I have other choices are the entry doors to my insanity.  I do have some control in this which most often is making and keeping the choice of dealing with the insanity with my Higher Power and sponsor and meetings and literature and prayer and positive meditation.  

Ever have that thought, "Yes I know how to let go of people, places and things I have no control over"   BUT   "This one is special".  

I have to remember that the program does not award purple hearts.   Mahalo for your support.   ((((hugs))))