UGH ... so I am going into work late today as my youngest is drunk as a skunk and stinks just as bad ... thankfully the puking is left at his friends house and not mine. His friend is more than welcome to come here ... we will be having a discussion with both boys about boundaries, drinking and drugs .. they are under age and I'm sorry .. not acceptable. I love my boy dearly .. however .. already been here done that.
So the other part that is bothering me is that the friend is lying to me about what happened ... at 6am I got a frantic call to come get boy .. 620am another one .. let's not talk about the texts flying ... what I want to know is why am I dealing with the 14 year old and not the grown ups as if you don't know what's going on with my kid and he's puking non stop for 2 hours already why am I JUST getting notified and NOT by an adult. So noooo ... there's nothing to see here at all. I get there as I had to make arrangements with work, with my BF and decide who is getting him and who is going to the drug store because we are both under the impression he's got the flu. Soooo .. I get him .. he can't get out of the house without assistance and the child has rolled around in puke. TOTALLY brings back memories .. talk about triggers. It's raining .. LOL .. I swear I couldn't make this up if I tried .. I'm breathing .. before I got there I asked the friend were drugs involved and I explained dude you aren't in trouble I need to know the proper course of action .. if this is a response to drugs I need to head to the hospital. Still NOOOO parents. He assures me it's not although .. my radar is already triggered based upon other experiences. Sooooo .. kid pukes on the backside of my car thankfully outside I am headed to the carwash shortly. I'm sure we were a sight .. we are all in the rain I'm trying to undress my kid of the utterly puke filled shirt it's everywhere .. LOL .. I mean I laugh however it was a comedy of bad taste. My poor boyfriend is on speaker with me in the car and he can hear how drunk boy is and he's going I'm soooo sorry it's not funny and it is all at the same time .. trying to be the responsible parent without saying you dumb ass. I got him home .. BF got him into the apartment and he's still crying and puking ... bless him it was an awful experience .. the one thing I think he's got going for him is he owned it .. I did have to make the statement 3x .. he did finally say mom I've been drinking (crying) I'm never doing that again .. God I pray that is true. Vodka no less .. I just don't know how much. I am truly disappointed and trying not to over react yet let him know .. I get it .. he's got to respect the rules of the house .. no drinking .. he's a minor. I think this is going to stay with him for a while and I pray he just makes that decision to do a sober life. I can't control that at all. I know it.
He's sleeping it off and the vomiting has stopped and he's been able to take a shower. I keep checking on him just out of reassurance. So please do pray for him .. I don't know what lead to the experimentation and if this is the only time. That's a different conversation when he's sober. His friend totally lied to me and I'm very upset about that. I explained his dad is an alcoholic .. I know what a drunk looks like .. my son is highly drunk at the moment. That seemed to shake him a bit. I let his friend know I'm not judging him however boy isn't coming over any time soon. He is more than welcome to come to our house and hang out any time he wants to. I love him and I really do understand however we have boundaries I expect to be respected when he's in our home. He let me down and I do feel disappointed in them both at the moment. So I didn't call him a liar however I let him know I'm not stupid and I get it. He's not helping my son by denying me information. He was very sick today and could have needed hospitalization. I don't like not knowing what's going on. That's what bothered me more if he had just said .. hey S .. I'm really sorry .. I knew he was drinking and just didn't think .. is way different than denying and protecting. They are worried the other will get in trouble. I'm not ok with it.
Anyway .. I'm saying the serenity prayer and just asking for the God of my understandings guidance as to how to move forward in a productive way.
Hugs S :(
Tude said
Jun 25, 2018
Hugs and prayers Serenity. You did a great job!!! I faced that when my daughter was 17. A bit older yes, but still remember the drive there and the aftermath!
a4l said
Jun 25, 2018
I don't know how I'd handle that. mine are still little and sweet. I do know you're a loving, smart and giving mother and kid is lucky to have you. I hope this puts him off.
Iamhere said
Jun 25, 2018
(((Serenity))) - sending hugs, prayers and positive energy your way. I do recall leaving town for a funeral in Houston years back - driving - it's about 12 hours. At the 10th hour, my AH calls and says our youngest is passed out on the drive-way, pizzed himself in someone else's car and he can't wake him up....at the time, this child was also taking mental health medications which is a whole nother layer of worry/potential medical issue.
I suggested (not calmly) he bring him in, put him on the couch and watch him. He brought him in, put him in bed and left him be...I was tempted to return home yet had to be at this funeral so opted to leave it be until I got home. Of course, the story changed 100 times simply because my kid had drank himself to a black-out - first time drinking. He made a real 'impression' at the neighborhood pool (thank God, not ours) of a friend's and was never, ever invited back over.
In our case, it was not a phase - it was the beginning. He remembered the incident and opted to avoid alcohol for a long, long while, yet was offered and readily accepted other mind-altering substances which he felt he had more control - until he didn't. I agree with your boundary - against the law and wish you, him, the friend and all the best. The genetic pull here was stronger than any words I had for mine - may you have a better outcome...
No matter what comes next, you are a great mom and try to keep in mind that HP doesn't have grand-children...(((Hugs))) sweetie!
Bo said
Jun 25, 2018
With kids, this is unfortunately not an uncommon thing. The issue that always bothered me the most is the negligence on the part of the other parents -- the people whose house he was in. This happened to my daughter -- BUT -- it never happened to her or another child IN MY HOUSE. I don't and will not take on that liability.
You handled this so well -- and made all the right moves. I am sure the discussion you have with him will go very well. There are lessons here to be learned -- for everyone.
All the best.
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 26, 2018
(((((Serenity)))))
Sending you support, as this is not easy! In my son's sophomore year, a "friend" gave him a water bottle full of vodka on the last day of school before Thanksgiving. Kid proceeded to drink that and take OTC sleeping meds (Benedryl). I got a call at work from the police department asking if I have a son by the name of "XXXXX" They asked if I would come to an address straight away. It was about 6 blocks and a busy blvd, away from our house. When I got there, the paramedics where loading him into the ambulance. They said he was tachycardic, so were getting him to the ER. The police asked me all these questions about if he used drugs, does he drink, is he having problems in school. All those answers were, No, not that I know of, but you know, he is a teen... what parent truly knows EVERYTHING their kid does?
I guess he walked in a black-out state all that way from our house & passed out in some guys front lawn. The guy found him, was able to briefly wake him up, and he told me all my Kid could say was my name. Come to find out, this gentleman had one of his son's die of an overdose some years back... so he was very concerned and knew exactly what to do. Everyone thought my kid was high on some drug. Turns out, my kid can't take Benedryl (knew that from when he was a toddler, but forgot about it) due to hallucinations. They tested him in the ER and only found alcohol in his system, no other hallucinagen. To this day he doesn't know why he tried it - even went as far as to say that he didn't take them together on purpose (yea, right) - and of course promised to never do that again! A couple days home from the ER, I had son go meet the man and tell him "Thank you for saving my life." Since my Kid had pretty much no recollection of what happened, I thought that this was important so that he understood the effects this had on me, his dad, and even this random guy, who saved him. I actually filmed him in the ER with my phone & about 6 months afterwards when I could tell he was having zero recollection of the event, played it for him. He was beyond mortified!!! Never had another incident until earlier this year...he got very, very ill after drinking at a party. I made him clean up all the puke, do the laundry and again had the substance talk/addiction talk and showed him those videos again. He was so sick that he vowed never to drink again! I just told him, "I hope you can stick to that."
I am still paying on the ambulance bill, two years later! I told him that now that he has graduated, as soon as he gets a job, he can then take over paying on that bill!
We have discussed in length my fears of him becoming like his father - I tell him, NO ONE starts out saying, "I want to be an addict." It starts small. Insidious like. Until you are fully entrenched and don't know how to get out. So I shared with him my boundaries, and I also explained that is why I continue to work this program... b/c if I don't, I would be consumed by fear... b/c I fear he will walk the same road as his dad. I swear I must sound like a broken record to him about this... but it's all I can do. A child psychologist told me during that time, "At this age (teen yrs), you cannot control all that they do. The best you can do is help them to be educated about the subject, tell them your boundaries about it, and then hope that they take your advice." It was VERY hard for me to hear this and accept. But it is true.
I think you handled this very well. I am sure the talk will go well too. Sending you love & Peace!
SerenityRUS said
Jun 26, 2018
It was a LONG day and I didn't go to work I wouldn't have been able to focus.
I'm really glad I did .. he got up and still fuzzy and he disclosed how much and how they were drinking and thank GOD we didn't have to make a trip to the ER. He made some very enlightened statements that give me hope regardless of what he chooses to do with this situation and we had the make good choices discussion which for my kids and I is usually them saying that to me! LOL. I'm really holding on to the fact he owned what he did .. addiction hides in dishonesty and it hides in a den of secrets. This is on the table and nope .. not pretty .. however not a secret.
He was super worried about my reaction to it all, he had fear of being in trouble .. like never see the light of day trouble .. lol .. we are calling it low key trouble .. you know he's lucky I have the knowledge that I do now .. first off the natural consequences of what he's experiencing there is nothing I can do to him that will top that. He feels like crap .. he's got the guilt, shame, humiliation, and fear .. there is no sense of me maximizing that .. it won't do any good .. he is grounded for a week (no movies, no fun outside of the house and that's a killer for him he's social) and next week he looses 1/2 of his allowance (that's a big deal to him) and still has to do the same work. I decided not to take away his Xbox because isolating him completely would hurt him and he needs good friends right now. I feel between nature and some real things that's enough. It was honestly what he said to me that I thought ... he had a lesson he wasn't expecting. Drinking is not a game and it's really not enjoyable.
His first time out drinking and he blacked out and that's what scared him (scares the crap out of me). He lost time and memory and said I am so scared about what I did in those moments I can't remember .. and it was a wonderful way to move into a conversation about addiction and what that looks like from the inside as well as outside. He was so embarrassed and hated how out of control he felt .. LOL .. yah .. something positive about being a control freak .. we rarely like to be in situations that we can't control .. like our bodies .. at least in our house that's how that works .. LOL. The vomiting for him was the worst of it and smelling like vomit. He was still smelling booze and vomit even after his real shower with soap the second go around. He hated himself the most over the lost time and what he might have said and done. He was horrified he had been talking to a girl via text and was so scared about what he had said to her.
He experienced the 2nd high of how much was actually in his system and every time he drank water he felt like crap again. He's drinking it because it's necessary. I'm very worried about him becoming dehydrated. I'm concerned about the secondary high stuff .. it is what it is .. and he feels like crap it's not a fun high.
I did ask him what his motive was and he said they were bored .. I mean I clarified that statement .. dude .. your friend could walk .. you couldn't even crawl .. I think he drank about a 1/4 of a 64oz bottle of vodka .. I doubt he will ever be able to be around vodka and look at it the same. It was a LOT though. He said they cut it with something and we talked about being able to stop .. he said stopping wasn't an issue it was what happened after he stopped. I do wonder if his friend being funny put way more in my boys glass than his. I'm still trying to figure that out. I actually think that's what happened .. and it does make me question the kind of friend he has who would do that and think it was ok. Granted .. he's 14 and kids make dumb decisions.
Now .. comes the fun part .. what will stick. I deplore that this happened at his age .. it's sooo not a good age. Thank God he's not 8 and his dad's drinking buddy .. still .. 14 gahhh .. I had my first drunk at a Seder (sp?) party with wine through the prayers I was 13 at the time. I pray this is the only time at this age .. that's in God's hands. I do feel good about how I handled it .. I am grateful I'm not freaking out .. the bigger issue is I want him to know he can come to me about anything .. he will get supported through it. It also gave me an opportunity to think about boundaries now at his age and I'm still praying on how to handle the friend situation with his parents .. I have an idea and I'm still going to take heat .. I think it's the right course of action to put this back on this young man and basically say until your parents myself, you and boy sit and have a table discussion boy can't come over .. ever. I don't feel safe and I don't feel my kid is safe. I kind of see the friendship dying off at that point because thankfully they are not at the same school. I don't think spending time with him is a good thing at this point. That's going to have to be boys call not mine.
Anyway .. a very NOT fun filled day at work today .. I have 3 days to get in receipts oh the joys. We'll see how that all goes.
Hugs S :)
PosiesandPuppies said
Jun 26, 2018
Oh wow, despite the horror of it all (and yes, as a parent facing this for the first time, it feels like a horror-show), you sound fantastic!! I am loving what you are saying and what you are conveying!!! Everything you have been working on is showing, GF!!! Good on you!!
The biggest takeaway, IMHO, is what you said about "addiction hides in dishonesty." This is so true! This disease gains it's power from living in the lies. So your son's honesty is key here.
The other truism, is that "control freaks hate that feeling of their body being out of control." When I look back at my life, that was the main reason I never even tried hard drugs... I hated feeling like I had no control over myself! So yea, one positive to that!!! LOL!
Like you, I did not take my son's XBox away from him, as he is NOT overly social and didn't have that to fall back on... few friends to hang with etc. I limited his playing time and told him he had to play in the living room - no bedroom isolating. Yes, it was a pain for me and AH, but it was necessary. He was also grounded from social activities for 2 weeks. As for the friend... well, I think that you are practicing the pause on that, and in doing so, you will find a good healthy way to deal with that. Faced with the same, my child psychologist friend told me to not say "You can't see friend at all." Just limit the exposure to said friend. "Many times, the friendship will naturally die of it's own accord b/c they will have nothing really in common." So I did take her advice, and it worked out just the way she said. I realize not always the case with teens, but I kind of just emphasized with my Kid about what kind of friend would do this - perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendship? That kind of thing. And of course I came on the boards and worked those slogans hard so that I COULD DROP THE ROPE on the friend issue. I also explained to my Kid that just because I am not "flying off the handle mad," doesn't mean I am accepting of his behavior. I am not. I have just learned a better way to deal... you have too, Serenity!! AND you are teaching your son that no matter what it is, YOU will be the rock he can cling to for support! Great job!!
I just think you are being the very best Mom! He is one lucky kid - probably doesn't know it yet, but he is!!! Keep on keepin' on!
I hope the rest of your week is blissfully uneventful!
SerenityRUS said
Jun 26, 2018
I think about how I handled things with my oldest and I do not want a repeat. Even my boyfriend le wow you are really calm and I'm like you know what can i do?? He's 14 this is one of many life lessons he will face although i did request a break lol. Dude there is only so much i can do. I'm just disappointed .. I'm not even angry. Which is a weird place to be. He understands trust was broken. He understands it will take time to repair. I hope he understands that he doesn't fully get out of jail until it's time. I'm breathing still. It's a waking horror show .. I'm trying to have faith. Hugs s :)
hotrod said
Jun 26, 2018
(((Serenity)) prayers and positive thoughts going out to you and your family
Iamhere said
Jun 26, 2018
(((Serenity))) - sounds like you rocked it girl....I too am sending positive thoughts your way - raising kids is such a hard, thank-less at times job! Keep doing you....looks awesome on ya!
UGH ... so I am going into work late today as my youngest is drunk as a skunk and stinks just as bad ... thankfully the puking is left at his friends house and not mine. His friend is more than welcome to come here ... we will be having a discussion with both boys about boundaries, drinking and drugs .. they are under age and I'm sorry .. not acceptable. I love my boy dearly .. however .. already been here done that.
So the other part that is bothering me is that the friend is lying to me about what happened ... at 6am I got a frantic call to come get boy .. 620am another one .. let's not talk about the texts flying ... what I want to know is why am I dealing with the 14 year old and not the grown ups as if you don't know what's going on with my kid and he's puking non stop for 2 hours already why am I JUST getting notified and NOT by an adult. So noooo ... there's nothing to see here at all. I get there as I had to make arrangements with work, with my BF and decide who is getting him and who is going to the drug store because we are both under the impression he's got the flu. Soooo .. I get him .. he can't get out of the house without assistance and the child has rolled around in puke. TOTALLY brings back memories .. talk about triggers. It's raining .. LOL .. I swear I couldn't make this up if I tried .. I'm breathing .. before I got there I asked the friend were drugs involved and I explained dude you aren't in trouble I need to know the proper course of action .. if this is a response to drugs I need to head to the hospital. Still NOOOO parents. He assures me it's not although .. my radar is already triggered based upon other experiences. Sooooo .. kid pukes on the backside of my car thankfully outside I am headed to the carwash shortly. I'm sure we were a sight .. we are all in the rain I'm trying to undress my kid of the utterly puke filled shirt it's everywhere .. LOL .. I mean I laugh however it was a comedy of bad taste. My poor boyfriend is on speaker with me in the car and he can hear how drunk boy is and he's going I'm soooo sorry it's not funny and it is all at the same time .. trying to be the responsible parent without saying you dumb ass. I got him home .. BF got him into the apartment and he's still crying and puking ... bless him it was an awful experience .. the one thing I think he's got going for him is he owned it .. I did have to make the statement 3x .. he did finally say mom I've been drinking (crying) I'm never doing that again .. God I pray that is true. Vodka no less .. I just don't know how much. I am truly disappointed and trying not to over react yet let him know .. I get it .. he's got to respect the rules of the house .. no drinking .. he's a minor. I think this is going to stay with him for a while and I pray he just makes that decision to do a sober life. I can't control that at all. I know it.
He's sleeping it off and the vomiting has stopped and he's been able to take a shower. I keep checking on him just out of reassurance. So please do pray for him .. I don't know what lead to the experimentation and if this is the only time. That's a different conversation when he's sober. His friend totally lied to me and I'm very upset about that. I explained his dad is an alcoholic .. I know what a drunk looks like .. my son is highly drunk at the moment. That seemed to shake him a bit. I let his friend know I'm not judging him however boy isn't coming over any time soon. He is more than welcome to come to our house and hang out any time he wants to. I love him and I really do understand however we have boundaries I expect to be respected when he's in our home. He let me down and I do feel disappointed in them both at the moment. So I didn't call him a liar however I let him know I'm not stupid and I get it. He's not helping my son by denying me information. He was very sick today and could have needed hospitalization. I don't like not knowing what's going on. That's what bothered me more if he had just said .. hey S .. I'm really sorry .. I knew he was drinking and just didn't think .. is way different than denying and protecting. They are worried the other will get in trouble. I'm not ok with it.
Anyway .. I'm saying the serenity prayer and just asking for the God of my understandings guidance as to how to move forward in a productive way.
Hugs S :(
I suggested (not calmly) he bring him in, put him on the couch and watch him. He brought him in, put him in bed and left him be...I was tempted to return home yet had to be at this funeral so opted to leave it be until I got home. Of course, the story changed 100 times simply because my kid had drank himself to a black-out - first time drinking. He made a real 'impression' at the neighborhood pool (thank God, not ours) of a friend's and was never, ever invited back over.
In our case, it was not a phase - it was the beginning. He remembered the incident and opted to avoid alcohol for a long, long while, yet was offered and readily accepted other mind-altering substances which he felt he had more control - until he didn't. I agree with your boundary - against the law and wish you, him, the friend and all the best. The genetic pull here was stronger than any words I had for mine - may you have a better outcome...
No matter what comes next, you are a great mom and try to keep in mind that HP doesn't have grand-children...(((Hugs))) sweetie!
You handled this so well -- and made all the right moves. I am sure the discussion you have with him will go very well. There are lessons here to be learned -- for everyone.
All the best.
(((((Serenity)))))
Sending you support, as this is not easy! In my son's sophomore year, a "friend" gave him a water bottle full of vodka on the last day of school before Thanksgiving. Kid proceeded to drink that and take OTC sleeping meds (Benedryl). I got a call at work from the police department asking if I have a son by the name of "XXXXX" They asked if I would come to an address straight away. It was about 6 blocks and a busy blvd, away from our house. When I got there, the paramedics where loading him into the ambulance. They said he was tachycardic, so were getting him to the ER. The police asked me all these questions about if he used drugs, does he drink, is he having problems in school. All those answers were, No, not that I know of, but you know, he is a teen... what parent truly knows EVERYTHING their kid does?
I guess he walked in a black-out state all that way from our house & passed out in some guys front lawn. The guy found him, was able to briefly wake him up, and he told me all my Kid could say was my name. Come to find out, this gentleman had one of his son's die of an overdose some years back... so he was very concerned and knew exactly what to do. Everyone thought my kid was high on some drug. Turns out, my kid can't take Benedryl (knew that from when he was a toddler, but forgot about it) due to hallucinations. They tested him in the ER and only found alcohol in his system, no other hallucinagen. To this day he doesn't know why he tried it - even went as far as to say that he didn't take them together on purpose (yea, right) - and of course promised to never do that again! A couple days home from the ER, I had son go meet the man and tell him "Thank you for saving my life." Since my Kid had pretty much no recollection of what happened, I thought that this was important so that he understood the effects this had on me, his dad, and even this random guy, who saved him. I actually filmed him in the ER with my phone & about 6 months afterwards when I could tell he was having zero recollection of the event, played it for him. He was beyond mortified!!! Never had another incident until earlier this year...he got very, very ill after drinking at a party. I made him clean up all the puke, do the laundry and again had the substance talk/addiction talk and showed him those videos again. He was so sick that he vowed never to drink again! I just told him, "I hope you can stick to that."
I am still paying on the ambulance bill, two years later! I told him that now that he has graduated, as soon as he gets a job, he can then take over paying on that bill!
We have discussed in length my fears of him becoming like his father - I tell him, NO ONE starts out saying, "I want to be an addict." It starts small. Insidious like. Until you are fully entrenched and don't know how to get out. So I shared with him my boundaries, and I also explained that is why I continue to work this program... b/c if I don't, I would be consumed by fear... b/c I fear he will walk the same road as his dad. I swear I must sound like a broken record to him about this... but it's all I can do. A child psychologist told me during that time, "At this age (teen yrs), you cannot control all that they do. The best you can do is help them to be educated about the subject, tell them your boundaries about it, and then hope that they take your advice." It was VERY hard for me to hear this and accept. But it is true.
I think you handled this very well. I am sure the talk will go well too.
Sending you love & Peace!
It was a LONG day and I didn't go to work I wouldn't have been able to focus.
I'm really glad I did .. he got up and still fuzzy and he disclosed how much and how they were drinking and thank GOD we didn't have to make a trip to the ER. He made some very enlightened statements that give me hope regardless of what he chooses to do with this situation and we had the make good choices discussion which for my kids and I is usually them saying that to me! LOL. I'm really holding on to the fact he owned what he did .. addiction hides in dishonesty and it hides in a den of secrets. This is on the table and nope .. not pretty .. however not a secret.
He was super worried about my reaction to it all, he had fear of being in trouble .. like never see the light of day trouble .. lol .. we are calling it low key trouble .. you know he's lucky I have the knowledge that I do now .. first off the natural consequences of what he's experiencing there is nothing I can do to him that will top that. He feels like crap .. he's got the guilt, shame, humiliation, and fear .. there is no sense of me maximizing that .. it won't do any good .. he is grounded for a week (no movies, no fun outside of the house and that's a killer for him he's social) and next week he looses 1/2 of his allowance (that's a big deal to him) and still has to do the same work. I decided not to take away his Xbox because isolating him completely would hurt him and he needs good friends right now. I feel between nature and some real things that's enough. It was honestly what he said to me that I thought ... he had a lesson he wasn't expecting. Drinking is not a game and it's really not enjoyable.
His first time out drinking and he blacked out and that's what scared him (scares the crap out of me). He lost time and memory and said I am so scared about what I did in those moments I can't remember .. and it was a wonderful way to move into a conversation about addiction and what that looks like from the inside as well as outside. He was so embarrassed and hated how out of control he felt .. LOL .. yah .. something positive about being a control freak .. we rarely like to be in situations that we can't control .. like our bodies .. at least in our house that's how that works .. LOL. The vomiting for him was the worst of it and smelling like vomit. He was still smelling booze and vomit even after his real shower with soap the second go around. He hated himself the most over the lost time and what he might have said and done. He was horrified he had been talking to a girl via text and was so scared about what he had said to her.
He experienced the 2nd high of how much was actually in his system and every time he drank water he felt like crap again. He's drinking it because it's necessary. I'm very worried about him becoming dehydrated. I'm concerned about the secondary high stuff .. it is what it is .. and he feels like crap it's not a fun high.
I did ask him what his motive was and he said they were bored .. I mean I clarified that statement .. dude .. your friend could walk .. you couldn't even crawl .. I think he drank about a 1/4 of a 64oz bottle of vodka .. I doubt he will ever be able to be around vodka and look at it the same. It was a LOT though. He said they cut it with something and we talked about being able to stop .. he said stopping wasn't an issue it was what happened after he stopped. I do wonder if his friend being funny put way more in my boys glass than his. I'm still trying to figure that out. I actually think that's what happened .. and it does make me question the kind of friend he has who would do that and think it was ok. Granted .. he's 14 and kids make dumb decisions.
Now .. comes the fun part .. what will stick. I deplore that this happened at his age .. it's sooo not a good age. Thank God he's not 8 and his dad's drinking buddy .. still .. 14 gahhh .. I had my first drunk at a Seder (sp?) party with wine through the prayers I was 13 at the time. I pray this is the only time at this age .. that's in God's hands. I do feel good about how I handled it .. I am grateful I'm not freaking out .. the bigger issue is I want him to know he can come to me about anything .. he will get supported through it. It also gave me an opportunity to think about boundaries now at his age and I'm still praying on how to handle the friend situation with his parents .. I have an idea and I'm still going to take heat .. I think it's the right course of action to put this back on this young man and basically say until your parents myself, you and boy sit and have a table discussion boy can't come over .. ever. I don't feel safe and I don't feel my kid is safe. I kind of see the friendship dying off at that point because thankfully they are not at the same school. I don't think spending time with him is a good thing at this point. That's going to have to be boys call not mine.
Anyway .. a very NOT fun filled day at work today .. I have 3 days to get in receipts oh the joys. We'll see how that all goes.
Hugs S :)
Oh wow, despite the horror of it all (and yes, as a parent facing this for the first time, it feels like a horror-show), you sound fantastic!! I am loving what you are saying and what you are conveying!!! Everything you have been working on is showing, GF!!! Good on you!!
The biggest takeaway, IMHO, is what you said about "addiction hides in dishonesty." This is so true! This disease gains it's power from living in the lies. So your son's honesty is key here.
The other truism, is that "control freaks hate that feeling of their body being out of control." When I look back at my life, that was the main reason I never even tried hard drugs... I hated feeling like I had no control over myself! So yea, one positive to that!!! LOL!
Like you, I did not take my son's XBox away from him, as he is NOT overly social and didn't have that to fall back on... few friends to hang with etc. I limited his playing time and told him he had to play in the living room - no bedroom isolating. Yes, it was a pain for me and AH, but it was necessary. He was also grounded from social activities for 2 weeks. As for the friend... well, I think that you are practicing the pause on that, and in doing so, you will find a good healthy way to deal with that. Faced with the same, my child psychologist friend told me to not say "You can't see friend at all." Just limit the exposure to said friend. "Many times, the friendship will naturally die of it's own accord b/c they will have nothing really in common." So I did take her advice, and it worked out just the way she said. I realize not always the case with teens, but I kind of just emphasized with my Kid about what kind of friend would do this - perhaps you need to re-evaluate your friendship? That kind of thing. And of course I came on the boards and worked those slogans hard so that I COULD DROP THE ROPE on the friend issue. I also explained to my Kid that just because I am not "flying off the handle mad," doesn't mean I am accepting of his behavior. I am not. I have just learned a better way to deal... you have too, Serenity!! AND you are teaching your son that no matter what it is, YOU will be the rock he can cling to for support! Great job!!
I just think you are being the very best Mom! He is one lucky kid - probably doesn't know it yet, but he is!!! Keep on keepin' on!
I hope the rest of your week is blissfully uneventful!