It's definetly been a rough few weeks. Coming on here and finding a f2f meeting has kept me going. My AH and I have decided together to try marriage counseling in addition to his recovery program and mine through Al-anon. We both have the understanding that we may come out on the other side and decide that it is best to go separate ways, but we both feel we have to try. We have never been fully committed to marriage counseling in the past, only going a time or two. This time it has to be 100% on both parts. Not everyone in our lives will understand or agree with our decisions, but it's our marriage and our choice. My 17 year old son is worried and became upset and rightfully so because it has not been the best environment for any of us, most especially him and his sister. My son turns 18 at the end of summer. My AH has to make those amends for his part in the hurt my son is feeling and I am not able to fix it for my AH. As a mom that sucks because I hate to see my child be upset. The only thing I can do is keep working the program, pray with all my might and give it to God (my HP).
Kat
Bo said
Jun 13, 2018
Kat, in my experience, it's always the right thing to do when YOU do what YOU think and feel is the best thing for YOU and YOUR health, well-being, and for your life. What was even better, for me, is that in doing that, even if things didn't work out "the way I wanted" or "the way I hoped" or whatever -- the amazing part is that I was OK with it! Whatever it was, if it didn't work out...I was OK with it. That, is amazing. That, to me, is being in a place where I am truly "healthy" and mentally, spiritually, etc., I am in a good place, a very good place. It also did a lot for me in that I had no regrets, no second thoughts, and didn't feel like a stone was left unturned. That too is an amazing feeling.
In both my personal, and professional experience -- when both people are committed, 100% committed, you have the best possible chance of things working out. Now, working out is a very relative and subjective term. In addition, that may look different for each person, but that is part of what we go through (in our journey of recovery). All of this, was extremely empowering and freeing for me at the same time. His recovery is his, and your recovery is yours. We learn that in alanon...and how to continue and maintain that.
All the best.
mamakat71 said
Jun 13, 2018
I am feeling like some things are starting to click, if even just for today. I have had a really good day and was even able to have a good conversation with my 17yo son and reassure him that he matters and none of the problems with my AH and me are his responsibility to solve and that we love him. It was a good talk and our day turned out good. Today I am thankful, after feeling such defeat in the last few weeks. I am feeling like I am learning (slowly). And I want to continue to get better and find my way. I am comfortable with the choices I made today. I am not blaming my AH for "everything" I have my part and responsibility in this relationship and I am not perfect either. I am definetly going to practice "one day at a time." And be thankful for this good day.
It's definetly been a rough few weeks. Coming on here and finding a f2f meeting has kept me going. My AH and I have decided together to try marriage counseling in addition to his recovery program and mine through Al-anon. We both have the understanding that we may come out on the other side and decide that it is best to go separate ways, but we both feel we have to try. We have never been fully committed to marriage counseling in the past, only going a time or two. This time it has to be 100% on both parts. Not everyone in our lives will understand or agree with our decisions, but it's our marriage and our choice. My 17 year old son is worried and became upset and rightfully so because it has not been the best environment for any of us, most especially him and his sister. My son turns 18 at the end of summer. My AH has to make those amends for his part in the hurt my son is feeling and I am not able to fix it for my AH. As a mom that sucks because I hate to see my child be upset. The only thing I can do is keep working the program, pray with all my might and give it to God (my HP).
Kat
In both my personal, and professional experience -- when both people are committed, 100% committed, you have the best possible chance of things working out. Now, working out is a very relative and subjective term. In addition, that may look different for each person, but that is part of what we go through (in our journey of recovery). All of this, was extremely empowering and freeing for me at the same time. His recovery is his, and your recovery is yours. We learn that in alanon...and how to continue and maintain that.
All the best.
I am feeling like some things are starting to click, if even just for today. I have had a really good day and was even able to have a good conversation with my 17yo son and reassure him that he matters and none of the problems with my AH and me are his responsibility to solve and that we love him. It was a good talk and our day turned out good. Today I am thankful, after feeling such defeat in the last few weeks. I am feeling like I am learning (slowly). And I want to continue to get better and find my way. I am comfortable with the choices I made today. I am not blaming my AH for "everything" I have my part and responsibility in this relationship and I am not perfect either. I am definetly going to practice "one day at a time." And be thankful for this good day.