I have finally finished my schooling. I am graduating at the top of my class tomorrow! There were times that I just didn't think I could emotionally get through this... but my goal of independently supporting my kid was a strong one!
For the last two months, in addition to school and work, I've interned. Friday I gave my superior my evaluation forms. At the end of my shift, she handed them back to me and basically told me nothing but great things. I was happy and proud. She did tell me that the only thing she would say I could improve on was that I needed to trust myself. "You know your stuff," she said, "So go out and do the job, or take the interview with all the confidence in the world. If there was one thing I would say you need to work on, it's that. You really need to be more confident with your knowledge and your skills."
The next day when I relayed that information to my instructor, I was really sad. I went home and thought about this and realized, yeah, she's right, I did ask a TON of questions... and I believe it was because I was afraid to make a mistake! And I did NOT have confidence in myself.
What had happened to me? I have always been a pretty darn confident adult. I then began to realize that all the years of lies, gas-lighting, etc have really taken a toll on me. I guess it's a little harder than I thought to reprogram!
Now that school is finished, I can continue with my 4th step work. Sounds like I may need it!!
Iamhere said
May 30, 2018
Congrats. PnP - you deserve to be proud of you!!! Great job doing your schooling and finishing up! You did not get a 'ding' - you got constructive, actionable feedback - embrace your success and roll with it!! (((Hugs)))
Jayla said
May 30, 2018
Congrats PnP!!! Making it through your schooling and graduating with top honors is a huge deal! Way to go!
Bo said
May 30, 2018
Congratulations!!! We, here, knew you would rise to the top of your endeavors. All the best.
PosiesandPuppies said
May 30, 2018
Thank you, IAH! I know it wasn't a "ding." And I really don't look at it that way. I was sad because I have become this person I don't really know because of addiction... something I never asked for in my life... it is a true by- product of someone else's demons/poor choices, and her comments really pointed it out to me at a time when I thought I was doing pretty well. It just made me realize that I still have quite a bit of work to do to get back to "me."
Thank you, Jayla!
Freetime said
May 30, 2018
Happy graduation, PnP! I'm sure you will get your confidence back, step by step, one day at a time. Each time you do your job successfully it will add to your confidence, until you see yourself as the same capable person that your intern supervisor did. It's great to hear of your success!
PosiesandPuppies said
May 30, 2018
Thank you, Freetime! You must be wise... my instructor said almost the same thing & I really respect her!
milkwood said
May 31, 2018
Wow, that is fantastic PnP, congratulations.
Life has a cheeky way of tapping me on the shoulder sometimes and showing me where my next lesson lies so for me it sounds like a great new classroom is opening up for you as you reconnect with yourself with compassion, love and awesome wonderment! I salute you.
hotrod said
May 31, 2018
Good Job PnP I am so happy for you. This dreadful disease takes a huge toll on the entire family so that with the help of alanon tools and your own determination, you were successful in accomplishing this so be proud of yourself and keep showing up.
PosiesandPuppies said
May 31, 2018
Thank you, milkwood! I love your outlook on life!
Betty - Thank you. You are so right. This disease does take it's toll on everyone involved... even if you don't think so... or even if you think you are healing! BTW, I hope the move-in was seamless, and you are enjoying your next stage!
Tude said
May 31, 2018
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't see it as a "ding" either. There are experiences I have gone through in life that seemed insurmountable, effected me greatly, damaged me.. and yet..........yet.........in it all, there is not any of them that have not or are not in the process of being used for good. That is my HP. You're gonna be wonderful at your new job! Just wait and see. There will be someone wherever you work that your ESH will be of great value. Most likely everyone there:)
PosiesandPuppies said
May 31, 2018
Thank you, Tude! Yes, I am finding that I can use my toolbox in every life instance... some more than others! LOL!
So a little update on me...
I have finally finished my schooling. I am graduating at the top of my class tomorrow! There were times that I just didn't think I could emotionally get through this... but my goal of independently supporting my kid was a strong one!
For the last two months, in addition to school and work, I've interned. Friday I gave my superior my evaluation forms. At the end of my shift, she handed them back to me and basically told me nothing but great things. I was happy and proud. She did tell me that the only thing she would say I could improve on was that I needed to trust myself. "You know your stuff," she said, "So go out and do the job, or take the interview with all the confidence in the world. If there was one thing I would say you need to work on, it's that. You really need to be more confident with your knowledge and your skills."
The next day when I relayed that information to my instructor, I was really sad. I went home and thought about this and realized, yeah, she's right, I did ask a TON of questions... and I believe it was because I was afraid to make a mistake! And I did NOT have confidence in myself.
What had happened to me? I have always been a pretty darn confident adult. I then began to realize that all the years of lies, gas-lighting, etc have really taken a toll on me. I guess it's a little harder than I thought to reprogram!
Now that school is finished, I can continue with my 4th step work. Sounds like I may need it!!
Thank you, Jayla!
Life has a cheeky way of tapping me on the shoulder sometimes and showing me where my next lesson lies so for me it sounds like a great new classroom is opening up for you as you reconnect with yourself with compassion, love and awesome wonderment! I salute you.
Good Job PnP I am so happy for you. This dreadful disease takes a huge toll on the entire family so that with the help of alanon tools and your own determination, you were successful in accomplishing this so be proud of yourself and keep showing up.
Betty - Thank you. You are so right. This disease does take it's toll on everyone involved... even if you don't think so... or even if you think you are healing! BTW, I hope the move-in was seamless, and you are enjoying your next stage!