So, Iām 23 and Iāve lived with my mother who is an active A all my life. Sheās been sober on and off, and she was sober for the last 4 years but 6 mo ago sheās completely fallen off the wagon. Itās very hard. She fell down the stairs because she was impaired, and I worry about her so much. Iām moving in a few days, which is best for me but Iām so scared she wonāt be okay without me. But Iām so exhausted and stressed that I know I need to leave for my own health. She constantly lies to my face and we both know sheās lying but it breaks my heart. Itās so hard when I see a glimpse of who she truly is without the disease- and then she vanishes. I canāt get to a meeting yet, so this is where Iām starting. I donāt know if I need help or support, but Iām just so tired and I worry sheāll never get sober. I am fortunate to have a great support system, but I think it would help to talk to someone who gets it- someone whoās been though it.
DavidG said
May 29, 2018
Hi Lu... ... welcome to the group...
my dad was the A. in my life- and relate to everything you say- all the thoughts and emotions...
We are a great bunch here. Aha... and so you don't need to pull up a chair, most likely... ...
none of us is alone, nor should we suffer alone... by reaching out we learn to help ourselves- with congenial company... ...
cheers,
DavidG.
Jerry F said
May 29, 2018
Aloha Lu and welcome to the board. It is crazy what you are going thru and I know because we have been thru very similar situations ourselves. Ours is a 12 step and 12 tradition program founded on the precepts of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) the first step of which brings us to admit openly that we are powerless over alcoholism and that our lives have become unmanageable. I read and hear that in your own post and hope you will keep coming back to share in the growth and recovery we have been blessed to have.
Born into this disease and the abnormality and insanity of it and didn't know until like yourself I got the opportunity to raise my hand and talk about it with others who learned and knew what it was. I couldn't even say or spell alcoholic or alcoholism. Those in my family who acted this was were drunks and we didn't ever mention that out loud for reason of being punished as being disrespectful.
Your Mom knows the problem and knows that she knows it. She knows you and others know that there is a problem and that she is aware of it. If she had a reason to be sober for the last 4 years she also knew why. The disease caused her to see sobriety. This is a cunning powerful and baffling disease and sobriety if it is to work must be sought after and practices daily, one day at a time. Sobriety isn't only about not drinking. It is more than that and you Mom knows it. If and when you leave she will know why you have and how sick you are of the insanity of the drinking and drunks.
Please look up the WSO Al-Anon home page and see how much you can get off of that for your own awareness and keep coming back here also as this site is filled with so many of us who have been where you are at, what we found out and what we do now. In support ((((hugs))))
PosiesandPuppies said
May 29, 2018
Welcome, Kitty!
I am sorry for the events in your life that have brought you to this forum... but it is a good place... a safe place.
Wishing serenity for you!
hotrod said
May 30, 2018
Hello Kitty Welcome. I am glad that you reached out and shared. You are not alone. Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic, fatal disease,over which we are powerless. Alanon is a recovery program established for family members We hold face to face meetings in most communities and the main hotline number is in the white pages, It is at these meetings i developed a supportive network of people who truly understood and who could readily understand without giving me advise.
We accept that alcoholism is a disease that we did no cause, cannot control and cannot cure, We learn to focus on ourselves, our thoughts , actions and attitudes,
There is hope so please keep coming back
lgnutah said
May 30, 2018
Hi Kitty I am the daughter of a mother who became alcoholic around age 40 (she learned to drive in her late 30's, so was able to go to the store on her own and buy alcohol. Before that, my father drove her to grocery shop so she had no access). But "back then" (1960's) no one in my family really talked about it, and honestly I didn't even realize she was alcoholic until I was probably in my 40's (I moved away at age 20 to go to college and only visited home once every few years). When I would go home, I began to realize my mother was hiding her drinks in cupboards or her bedroom, and realized she was very drunk (even though she seemingly only had a small glass of wine),. But even when her alcoholism was transparent, NO ONE in my family ever even commented on the fact that she was drunk. Talk about an elephant in the living room!
Now I have a 38 year old daughter who is alcoholic (though she is in complete denial). Her cars continually have damage from her running into garage barriers or flat tires from hitting curbs (she denies she ever drives drunk). She has injuries from falling and has had numerous close calls from making bad decisions while drunk.
So, we here can relate to what you feel and are here to support you. Welcome, and keep coming back.
Iamhere said
May 30, 2018
I too send you a welcome Kitty - glad you found us and glad that you joined in. The disease is larger than life, cunning, baffling, powerful and progressive. It reaches beyond the Alcoholic and affects almost all who live with or love them. There is no shame in loving an alcoholic - it is what it is -- but we do often find we need our own healing and recovery. I hope you can find time to get to meetings - for me, that's where I found a local tribe of support that I could share anything/everything with and they understood! They listened and shared their own ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) without advice or judgement. It was truly a gift that I treasure every day.
I have a large family and the disease is active in every generation I can track - I too am an A, in recovery as well as in Al-Anon. I am either 4th or 5th generation and my children also are affected directly. It does not discriminate, and it's too much for anyone alone. MIP is a safe place to learn, process, heal and deal - I hope you keep coming back.
Kitty9876 said
May 30, 2018
Thank you all so much. I feel much better already reading your responses and reassured. I will keep posting in the meantime, while I canāt get to a meeting. I told my aunts and family, but they pretty much left me hanging. I didnāt want them to fix anything, I just asked for support. They just ignored me. 6 weeks later, Iām moving across the country and suddenly all my family calls and is apologizing. It feels like too little too late. Iām meeting with them anyways, but Iām nervous.
Tude said
May 30, 2018
Hi Kitty. My parent is my dad. It's scary how this disease effects us all. I'm so glad you are here. These groups and meetings, working on ourselves and understanding the "how's and why's" it's effected us so much is just amazing! Keep coming back! Hugs
Hi Lu...
... welcome to the group...
my dad was the A. in my life- and relate to everything you say- all the thoughts and emotions...
We are a great bunch here. Aha... and so you don't need to pull up a chair, most likely...
...
none of us is alone, nor should we suffer alone... by reaching out we learn to help ourselves- with congenial company...
...
cheers,
DavidG.
Aloha Lu and welcome to the board. It is crazy what you are going thru and I know because we have been thru very similar situations ourselves. Ours is a 12 step and 12 tradition program founded on the precepts of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) the first step of which brings us to admit openly that we are powerless over alcoholism and that our lives have become unmanageable. I read and hear that in your own post and hope you will keep coming back to share in the growth and recovery we have been blessed to have.
Born into this disease and the abnormality and insanity of it and didn't know until like yourself I got the opportunity to raise my hand and talk about it with others who learned and knew what it was. I couldn't even say or spell alcoholic or alcoholism. Those in my family who acted this was were drunks and we didn't ever mention that out loud for reason of being punished as being disrespectful.
Your Mom knows the problem and knows that she knows it. She knows you and others know that there is a problem and that she is aware of it. If she had a reason to be sober for the last 4 years she also knew why. The disease caused her to see sobriety. This is a cunning powerful and baffling disease and sobriety if it is to work must be sought after and practices daily, one day at a time. Sobriety isn't only about not drinking. It is more than that and you Mom knows it. If and when you leave she will know why you have and how sick you are of the insanity of the drinking and drunks.
Please look up the WSO Al-Anon home page and see how much you can get off of that for your own awareness and keep coming back here also as this site is filled with so many of us who have been where you are at, what we found out and what we do now. In support ((((hugs))))
I am sorry for the events in your life that have brought you to this forum... but it is a good place... a safe place.
Wishing serenity for you!
We accept that alcoholism is a disease that we did no cause, cannot control and cannot cure, We learn to focus on ourselves, our thoughts , actions and attitudes,
There is hope so please keep coming back
Now I have a 38 year old daughter who is alcoholic (though she is in complete denial). Her cars continually have damage from her running into garage barriers or flat tires from hitting curbs (she denies she ever drives drunk). She has injuries from falling and has had numerous close calls from making bad decisions while drunk.
So, we here can relate to what you feel and are here to support you. Welcome, and keep coming back.
I have a large family and the disease is active in every generation I can track - I too am an A, in recovery as well as in Al-Anon. I am either 4th or 5th generation and my children also are affected directly. It does not discriminate, and it's too much for anyone alone. MIP is a safe place to learn, process, heal and deal - I hope you keep coming back.