It's been a crazy week starting with last weekend, my oldest had to be moved out dorms 2x over the weekend as they had him rooming with a boy .. umm .. no .. unfortunately that meant delays in getting done when expected and my poor boyfriend wound up missing out on any sleep before starting a 12 hour shift .. ugh.
Then I had issues at work .. not me .. however my office mate is in tantrum mode .. I work with a 60something year old woman who is behaving like a 2 year old because she's not getting her way and life is not fair .. I took the brunt of it yesterday because I knew she was winding up and I did look at how to defuse it however sometimes the tantrum has to happen. Now .. I am a direct person because while I respect that others have a right to act out I choose not to get involved .. I am so grateful for this program because of Alanon I learned what the difference is between owning my own power and giving it away. I am also trying to navigate and sometimes I do good and sometimes not so much .. honestly .. I'm ok with that .. I'm not 60+ years old behaving like a twat .. sorry .. it's the only term that comes to mind. Yesterday was awful and thankfully my office mate is not here today and this is nothing I wouldn't say to her only I would find a way to be funny about it .. lol. I believe that some people come into my life to show me who I could be and reminds me always I have a choice. No .. I'm good .. I have enough other issues I once again choose not to go down that road. I truly like my office mate .. she's a super person if she would just stop trying to control everyone around here. My heart hurts over the amount of fear she carries with her daily .. it's got to be exhausting. It truly reminds me that I am grateful for this program to remind me that my sanity can be found in the midst of insanity. Yesterday is the first time she has truly acted out with me .. she has with others however we have done good for 2 years this is the first time she hasn't spoken to me even for 10 min and I let her do her thing and she did come around .. I just feel so bad about how angry she is about work. It is not me that set her off it was a combination of everything and I just got lucky .. lol .. she sees me as her daughter and she was angry with her family and I got the brunt because they aren't here .. all of this because she knew I was out with my family celebrating my bf's birthday and sent a non response text, it was totally something that could wait until yesterday .. no fires, no emergencies .. however it was to her. I didn't respond to anyone's texts that night because it was all about family. Her and her husband have these wonderful life goals they are soooo close to .. and I keep telling her .. Just for Today .. LOL .. in fact I am printing that out for her today so she can read it on Monday. 10 months is NOT a lifetime and to give away all of her power to someone else just to play a victim .. what is she getting out of it. She was worried I was angry .. I was irritated .. and she left early and called me thinking I was mad at her and I'm not .. I'm worried for her .. she apologized and you know there's nothing more that can be done at this point .. I am not doing this for 10 months with her .. the crazy dance she has to do on her own and I'm telling you I was exhausted when I got home.
My bf's family has taken their own dose of crazy pills and I am staying far from that .. LOL. I am trying to be supportive without saying .. pregnant daughter who can't take care of two kids doesn't need another .. LOl!!! She doesn't even have custody of the other two. His X has gotten a firm message he's no longer playing by her rules and is in shock. Then I get friended by a high school girl "friend" of his who I have met and am not interested in having any correspondence with .. she's got her own motives that are not what they appear to be based upon history of her behavior not his. I have no issue with them being friends however she doesn't impress me on any level. I trust my boyfriend in ways I never trusted my X. He can handle the situation.
I always get reminded when I read others posts about things I need to work on or what kinds of lessons have played out for me. I am always appreciative of those who do share from the heart because it's hard to do at times in the throws of pain and confusion.
This weekend should be slower .. I hope .. I want to see my favorite anti hero movie .. Deadpool .. lol .. looking forward to that big time. I am taking a trip to see my oldest because the food situation during the summer is freaky .. no meal plans and no job doesn't help. Whatever is going on with my X has corrected itself, so I am just going with that at this point. So .. wait and see at least things seem to be moving in the right direction.
Hugs S :)
Bo said
May 18, 2018
Practice these principles in all our affairs...and you are! Great job. Great lesson for people -- thanks! Staying focused, clear, what you need to do, with such clarity. Pretty amazing! Thanks for posting and keep it up.
Aline said
May 18, 2018
Thanks for sharing, keep doing you ;) What jumped out to me from you post the most is the bit about owning your own power and not giving it away. This is something I have major problems with... In some situations I just put a bit of my heart and soul on a plate, so to speak, and give it to another person automatically, and just afterwards realize - oh, I did whatever. Easier to see at work as those situations and problems are generally not as personal as with family.
Dutchy said
May 18, 2018
Very clear and collected. You know what's what and keep with yourself. Amazing how you are looking after you first akd if it doesn't fit in your happy place then give it somewhere else. Well done! (((Hugs)))
andromeda said
May 18, 2018
UGH, no meal plan? Well, that's a bummer. Does your oldest have a fridge? Sharing here is how I release my thoughts and fears and weekly drama, lol. We all understand and have our own crazy folks at work, interpersonal problems that we try to stay out of, etc. I love your shares because it makes me appreciate my own life but also makes me think about where I could learn and step out of other people's stuff, etc.
Hugs and thanks for sharing!
Tude said
May 19, 2018
Great share Serenity. The program in action and looking before leaping!!!
Hugs!!
pinkchip said
May 19, 2018
Nice share. Reminded me of my week....having to refocus. Stay grateful. Mind my own business. Simplify. Don't get caught up in others'BS and don't create BS in my own head to be upset about. Not sure that was totally what you are touching on but that's where I'm at.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 19th of May 2018 01:08:27 PM
bud said
May 19, 2018
"....because it's hard to do at times in the throws of pain and confusion."
Truth and this is when I need it the most!
SerenityRUS said
May 20, 2018
Thanks everyone .. today was a shopping day for the college kiddo .. LOL .. after I'm broke and I'm ok with that.
@Adromeda - Yup this semester there is a fridge and my oldest is financially creative .. I am soooo proud of him .. everything to do with college he's taken it on himself .. I have totally stepped back and just made it clear that I'm available for support, he's got this .. LOL .. seriously I'm ok with that. His rooming situation is paid for through the next year even so no more gap .. which is HUGE. It looks like this will be a trip once a week until he can get himself a job .. he's got a job this fall .. however .. it's the waiting.
He's coming home this next weekend and that's the "talk" ... I am getting the feeling it's going to go well. My youngest keeps coming up with crazy statements out of the blue .. LOL .. usually focused around trans people ... crimes against them, just in general how he would make his own truth known .. which lead to another conversation of me asking him if he was questioning his sexuality ... I told him no worries on any level. He was very clear where he's at. So that's good. He is very focused on violence though and that makes me wonder if he's worried about his sibling and knows more than we have shared.
I feel like I'm in a good place at the moment. My office mate God love her .. it would be much more difficult if she didn't have awareness .. and that makes it easier to be forgiving and have compassion. She's aware. I also know there is so much fear attached to this that it's very easy to not take it personally .. this is soooo not my issue. Even she realized later that she was out of control for no reason. The other stuff reminds me of what my kids said in grade school .. LOL .. I'm rubber you're glue whatever you say sticks to you. So the BF stuff is very not about me .. LOL.
@Pink .. YES .. exactly where I am at .. I will gladly own what's mine .. I am to lazy to keep taking on other people's stuff .. LOL!!! It expends way more energy than I'm interested in giving away. If I deal with me I have enough to do!!
Hugs S :)
PosiesandPuppies said
May 20, 2018
Oh, what a great update, Serenity!!
So good to hear this today. Yup, my 2 cents is that your youngest knows... even without the "official" discussion. That is why he is so focused on the violence... he is worried for what his new brother may have to face. So perhaps your eldest can dispel some myths or offer up the support he gets at college... just to ease his younger sibling's mind.
Great to hear that your co-worker has gotten a grip! LOL! You are handling that situation so well!
Peace to you!
SerenityRUS said
May 20, 2018
PNP .. I honestly don't know .. we have had some issues here with school shootings recently and there was a legit scare at a high school down the road thanks to social media and two astute kids it was avoided .. however there was a plan. That has caused my youngest some anxiety. You know it's ironic .. I always figured PTSD to be involved when a violent situation occurred I never thought about just trauma and the idea of it bringing it on. He is in a hyper aware state at times with things he can't control. The weather used to be his big worry and now he's looking at how others treat each other. Thankfully there was not anything until my X and I split and even then it was more of the unknown vs a physical act. My BF has a part-time job as a bouncer at a bar and he's given the lesson to my kids that violence can usually be avoided and the best bouncers never throw a punch .. it's not necessary.
You may be right though and it may be an issue that he is trying to figure out when I'm spilling the beans .. and that's not my story to share with him. So it's funny when he mentions stuff .. here I am trying to keep my mouth shut and go do I just let it rip, .. I think in the name of respect for both kids .. it's better he hear it from his sibling than me. It is totally time and this is a good time since there will be the opportunity to absorb the information .. I just wish my oldest was home for the summer it would help the youngest a bit to see that nothing has actually changed except the outside package and a name .. that's just so not a big deal for a happy healthy kiddo. BTW .. the level of anxiety .. dropped a great deal like from always walking around at a 80% tilt .. it's more along the lines of 10% or less .. I am grateful for that big time.
It's been a crazy week starting with last weekend, my oldest had to be moved out dorms 2x over the weekend as they had him rooming with a boy .. umm .. no .. unfortunately that meant delays in getting done when expected and my poor boyfriend wound up missing out on any sleep before starting a 12 hour shift .. ugh.
Then I had issues at work .. not me .. however my office mate is in tantrum mode .. I work with a 60something year old woman who is behaving like a 2 year old because she's not getting her way and life is not fair .. I took the brunt of it yesterday because I knew she was winding up and I did look at how to defuse it however sometimes the tantrum has to happen. Now .. I am a direct person because while I respect that others have a right to act out I choose not to get involved .. I am so grateful for this program because of Alanon I learned what the difference is between owning my own power and giving it away. I am also trying to navigate and sometimes I do good and sometimes not so much .. honestly .. I'm ok with that .. I'm not 60+ years old behaving like a twat .. sorry .. it's the only term that comes to mind. Yesterday was awful and thankfully my office mate is not here today and this is nothing I wouldn't say to her only I would find a way to be funny about it .. lol. I believe that some people come into my life to show me who I could be and reminds me always I have a choice. No .. I'm good .. I have enough other issues I once again choose not to go down that road. I truly like my office mate .. she's a super person if she would just stop trying to control everyone around here. My heart hurts over the amount of fear she carries with her daily .. it's got to be exhausting. It truly reminds me that I am grateful for this program to remind me that my sanity can be found in the midst of insanity. Yesterday is the first time she has truly acted out with me .. she has with others however we have done good for 2 years this is the first time she hasn't spoken to me even for 10 min and I let her do her thing and she did come around .. I just feel so bad about how angry she is about work. It is not me that set her off it was a combination of everything and I just got lucky .. lol .. she sees me as her daughter and she was angry with her family and I got the brunt because they aren't here .. all of this because she knew I was out with my family celebrating my bf's birthday and sent a non response text, it was totally something that could wait until yesterday .. no fires, no emergencies .. however it was to her. I didn't respond to anyone's texts that night because it was all about family. Her and her husband have these wonderful life goals they are soooo close to .. and I keep telling her .. Just for Today .. LOL .. in fact I am printing that out for her today so she can read it on Monday. 10 months is NOT a lifetime and to give away all of her power to someone else just to play a victim .. what is she getting out of it. She was worried I was angry .. I was irritated .. and she left early and called me thinking I was mad at her and I'm not .. I'm worried for her .. she apologized and you know there's nothing more that can be done at this point .. I am not doing this for 10 months with her .. the crazy dance she has to do on her own and I'm telling you I was exhausted when I got home.
My bf's family has taken their own dose of crazy pills and I am staying far from that .. LOL. I am trying to be supportive without saying .. pregnant daughter who can't take care of two kids doesn't need another .. LOl!!! She doesn't even have custody of the other two. His X has gotten a firm message he's no longer playing by her rules and is in shock. Then I get friended by a high school girl "friend" of his who I have met and am not interested in having any correspondence with .. she's got her own motives that are not what they appear to be based upon history of her behavior not his. I have no issue with them being friends however she doesn't impress me on any level. I trust my boyfriend in ways I never trusted my X. He can handle the situation.
I always get reminded when I read others posts about things I need to work on or what kinds of lessons have played out for me. I am always appreciative of those who do share from the heart because it's hard to do at times in the throws of pain and confusion.
This weekend should be slower .. I hope .. I want to see my favorite anti hero movie .. Deadpool .. lol .. looking forward to that big time. I am taking a trip to see my oldest because the food situation during the summer is freaky .. no meal plans and no job doesn't help. Whatever is going on with my X has corrected itself, so I am just going with that at this point. So .. wait and see at least things seem to be moving in the right direction.
Hugs S :)
Hugs and thanks for sharing!
Hugs!!
Nice share. Reminded me of my week....having to refocus. Stay grateful. Mind my own business. Simplify. Don't get caught up in others'BS and don't create BS in my own head to be upset about. Not sure that was totally what you are touching on but that's where I'm at.
-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 19th of May 2018 01:08:27 PM
Truth and this is when I need it the most!
@Adromeda - Yup this semester there is a fridge and my oldest is financially creative .. I am soooo proud of him .. everything to do with college he's taken it on himself .. I have totally stepped back and just made it clear that I'm available for support, he's got this .. LOL .. seriously I'm ok with that. His rooming situation is paid for through the next year even so no more gap .. which is HUGE. It looks like this will be a trip once a week until he can get himself a job .. he's got a job this fall .. however .. it's the waiting.
He's coming home this next weekend and that's the "talk" ... I am getting the feeling it's going to go well. My youngest keeps coming up with crazy statements out of the blue .. LOL .. usually focused around trans people ... crimes against them, just in general how he would make his own truth known .. which lead to another conversation of me asking him if he was questioning his sexuality ... I told him no worries on any level. He was very clear where he's at. So that's good. He is very focused on violence though and that makes me wonder if he's worried about his sibling and knows more than we have shared.
I feel like I'm in a good place at the moment. My office mate God love her .. it would be much more difficult if she didn't have awareness .. and that makes it easier to be forgiving and have compassion. She's aware. I also know there is so much fear attached to this that it's very easy to not take it personally .. this is soooo not my issue. Even she realized later that she was out of control for no reason. The other stuff reminds me of what my kids said in grade school .. LOL .. I'm rubber you're glue whatever you say sticks to you. So the BF stuff is very not about me .. LOL.
@Pink .. YES .. exactly where I am at .. I will gladly own what's mine .. I am to lazy to keep taking on other people's stuff .. LOL!!! It expends way more energy than I'm interested in giving away. If I deal with me I have enough to do!!
Hugs S :)
So good to hear this today. Yup, my 2 cents is that your youngest knows... even without the "official" discussion. That is why he is so focused on the violence... he is worried for what his new brother may have to face. So perhaps your eldest can dispel some myths or offer up the support he gets at college... just to ease his younger sibling's mind.
Great to hear that your co-worker has gotten a grip! LOL! You are handling that situation so well!
Peace to you!
You may be right though and it may be an issue that he is trying to figure out when I'm spilling the beans .. and that's not my story to share with him. So it's funny when he mentions stuff .. here I am trying to keep my mouth shut and go do I just let it rip, .. I think in the name of respect for both kids .. it's better he hear it from his sibling than me. It is totally time and this is a good time since there will be the opportunity to absorb the information .. I just wish my oldest was home for the summer it would help the youngest a bit to see that nothing has actually changed except the outside package and a name .. that's just so not a big deal for a happy healthy kiddo. BTW .. the level of anxiety .. dropped a great deal like from always walking around at a 80% tilt .. it's more along the lines of 10% or less .. I am grateful for that big time.
Hugs S :)