Mothers Day through the eyes of the last sibling...
Tude said
May 13, 2018
After almost 21 years, Mothers Day is still the hardest day for me. Not for myself, but for the mothers who have lost children. I never know what to say and by now.....it seems I should. I love my mother dearly, I see what she has gone through, I've gone through much of "it" with her and still...my heart breaks for her and every mother who has lost a child to this horrible disease.
It's been almost 21 years since my first little brother overdosed on drugs, and 10 months later my other younger brother shot himself while high on coke and meth. They were my brothers, but.......they were her sons. I've heard the loss of a child never has closure. I don't know. I do know my heart breaks and can't bare to think of what all the Moms are going through. I try everything from trying to be strong to funny around those in my life at home during this time. I think it's ok to just be "real."
I send gifts with butterfly's each year. We talk when those "dates" come around a couple times a year.... and yet in it all....Mothers Day still leaves me at a loss. It is separate from all other dates, it has always been a very special day in my family while growing up. Today was the first day my mother and I just had casual chit chat and I feel something so important was left out of the conversation. This is an area I leave up to her to bring up on this day. I almost lost her too when the boys died. She's a strong woman and went to meetings to help her live again. I am so very grateful to have her in my life.
I just want to say to all the mom's on here, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so very grateful to all of you also. I pray this doesn't offend anyone or that I didn't word things the wrong way. I still really just don't know what to say.
Hugs
hotrod said
May 13, 2018
Beautiful Post Tude. Thank you. This is indeed a hard day for me. My nephew and nieces all send Happy Mother's day notes but it is not the same even though i really appreciate their efforts. So sorry to read that you mom lost 2 children as the loss of a child is difficult.
Jerry F said
May 13, 2018
Thanks for the ESH Tude which reminds me of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. My Mom passed years ago and she was blessed enough to experience the consequence of the program worked by her son and daughter-in-law to be. She got to feel the presence of her son as she would have liked him after he had been cared for and "raised" by the women of Al-Anon. She and my step-father received the benefits of this recovery and were openly and vocally grateful with expression before they both passed as expressed by my step-father after permitting me to do a counseling session with them both which required that they only listen and not speak before I said good night. God works when we work the program with ourselves and others as I have learned and accepted that this is how it is supposed to be in recovery. All I have to do is work it 24/7 as it was brought to me. AWESOME!!
May the eyes of the last sibling continue to bring recovery to others in need. ((((hugs))))
serenity47 said
May 13, 2018
Beautiful share. I came across a quote today by Erma Bombeck. It states, "I can think of no mother more deserving then a mother who had to give one back". This touched me and helped me to refocus myself. It was a difficult mothers day as I was alone and both of my children were elsewhere. I did receive a phone call from one and a short text from my AD. Our relationship is a bit strained at the moment. Initially I felt sad and sorry for myself and then quickly realized I had expectations which are never good. I turned it into a positive day and went and served dinner at the soup kitchen. It was really heartwarming to have strangers in the crowd who are clearly lost in addiction, show appreciation and many of them wished all the female volunteers a happy mothers day. All these people have a mother somewhere. There is nothing more helpful for me then to get my head out of my own crap and give back. I wish a happy mothers day to all ladies who are mothers, have been a mother or who fill the mothering role for someone.
Tude said
May 14, 2018
(((to everyone))) I love the ESH's!! PS serenity........I got a call from son and a text from my daughter too. I love the getting out of my own crap issue too. I did not set myself up for a card etc. this time. Then.... my mind went to work the day before Mothers Day. What part did I play in this with the way they manage birthdays and holidays with all of us..........oh boy.......#1, their dad never bought a card for me. That was demonstrated. #2........guess who always calls or texts to remind them it is someones (my mom, each others and so forths) BDay.......yep, that would be me. SMH!
Huge hugs to you all. HR my heart is still pretty stuck in the worrying about all the moms. I will work on this.
Jerry, what a wonderful share of what this program does. Very, very heartwarming :)
After almost 21 years, Mothers Day is still the hardest day for me. Not for myself, but for the mothers who have lost children. I never know what to say and by now.....it seems I should. I love my mother dearly, I see what she has gone through, I've gone through much of "it" with her and still...my heart breaks for her and every mother who has lost a child to this horrible disease.
It's been almost 21 years since my first little brother overdosed on drugs, and 10 months later my other younger brother shot himself while high on coke and meth. They were my brothers, but.......they were her sons. I've heard the loss of a child never has closure. I don't know. I do know my heart breaks and can't bare to think of what all the Moms are going through. I try everything from trying to be strong to funny around those in my life at home during this time. I think it's ok to just be "real."
I send gifts with butterfly's each year. We talk when those "dates" come around a couple times a year.... and yet in it all....Mothers Day still leaves me at a loss. It is separate from all other dates, it has always been a very special day in my family while growing up. Today was the first day my mother and I just had casual chit chat and I feel something so important was left out of the conversation. This is an area I leave up to her to bring up on this day. I almost lost her too when the boys died. She's a strong woman and went to meetings to help her live again. I am so very grateful to have her in my life.
I just want to say to all the mom's on here, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so very grateful to all of you also. I pray this doesn't offend anyone or that I didn't word things the wrong way. I still really just don't know what to say.
Hugs
Beautiful Post Tude. Thank you. This is indeed a hard day for me. My nephew and nieces all send Happy Mother's day notes but it is not the same even though i really appreciate their efforts.
So sorry to read that you mom lost 2 children as the loss of a child is difficult.
Thanks for the ESH Tude which reminds me of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. My Mom passed years ago and she was blessed enough to experience the consequence of the program worked by her son and daughter-in-law to be. She got to feel the presence of her son as she would have liked him after he had been cared for and "raised" by the women of Al-Anon. She and my step-father received the benefits of this recovery and were openly and vocally grateful with expression before they both passed as expressed by my step-father after permitting me to do a counseling session with them both which required that they only listen and not speak before I said good night. God works when we work the program with ourselves and others as I have learned and accepted that this is how it is supposed to be in recovery. All I have to do is work it 24/7 as it was brought to me. AWESOME!!
May the eyes of the last sibling continue to bring recovery to others in need. ((((hugs))))
Huge hugs to you all. HR my heart is still pretty stuck in the worrying about all the moms. I will work on this.
Jerry, what a wonderful share of what this program does. Very, very heartwarming :)