when I first arrived here my hometown group had collapsed. It was a shocker for me. I discussed the reasons then- and do not need to do this now.
The nearest group is only 30 mins away... and I have been a few times. Last time I went a newer member had called for a group conscience- and was having some success. The group has 8 to 12 members- and could easily hold 2 meetings a week- so more could attend... meeting night did into suit everyone- but that was my own opinion.
I do not go that often. The meeting was running through the steps, traditions, concepts, and the 5 general warranties at every meeting... I heard one member say that she didn't understand a word of the concepts.
To me they might as well have been reciting the Koran!
For me I believe that the concepts belong to district assemblies. And amongst members who are taking up service up and beyond group level.
All good stuff I am sure- but is really cut into sharing time. It might be my bias- but it seemed a way of avoiding the nitty gritty issues that people come to meetings for!
This meeting is hardly my home group... I went on the off-chance other members might attend from my town- and we could re-start our group.
Increasingly this MIP Alanon has become my home group... I have no ambition to move beyond the member status... ...I am actively involved in another of the MIP groups- and this is my comfort zone. I place where I get to take care of me.
It has been a trend- that the message board has become the de facto meeting space. I don't attend the chat meetings here... so I have no idea how they are going...
because I life in a vastly different time zone- the 24/7 meeting here is calm, cool and convenient...
I tend to do the steps and the traditions... but for me, over time- the traditions are straight forward and practical I tend to try and live them.
In my old hometown group one tradition were used against me. I was bullied- which i am quite susceptible to.
But I often find that two or three traditions work together... and it just takes group experience to figure out what works best.
and trust amongst members- and empathy, and timing too... tact...
it is not rocket science!
... nice to do a heading share... any input most welcome... aroha mai ia tatou... [...the love and peace of the programme- in Maori.]
Jill said
May 4, 2018
Love and Peace of the Programme to you, too.
AlAnon is hard work. It is rewarding, miraculous hard work. I too do what works for me.
hotrod said
May 4, 2018
Hi David I do agree that this MIP Alanon group is indeed a powerful informative group. i m happy you are here sharing the journey.
Dutchy said
May 5, 2018
David,another amazing post! I too, after months of searching, researching and attending other forums and online chat meetings this place has saved me
! Taught me so much. There is always someone online and so there is feedback throughout the day which is a massive help when I am really struggling, it's continuous. I feel very happy and comfortable here, it's a fantastic place!
el-cee said
May 5, 2018
David I'm sorry your home group closed. I imagine that was a sad time for you. My home group has been so important to my recovery. The people at the meetings are like family for me. They aren't perfect and I'm grateful for that. They teach me tolerance patience acceptance and love through the imperfect nature of the group. Alcoholism took away so much of my self worth that I was very isolated by the time I got to alanon with no true connections with people. The meetings have largely broken that for me. The acceptance and understanding from others in the group and the hugs were powerful. Actual physical contact with other human beings was very uncomfortable and strange but necessary to help me connect and learn to trust again. I think mip is a great forum with great people generously giving away what they have been given freely. What a beautiful concept and I'm glad it's here for everyone who can't get to a meeting. Maybe one day you will get the chance to feel physically the live and friendship in a meeting once again David cos you deserve that connection.x
DavidG said
May 5, 2018
Steps one, two, and three...
Some groups, when a newcomer arrives, will have a step one meeting. This might depend on the size of the group etc.
I believe that steps two and three can be done inside of the group. I don't believe there is a big rush, usually, to have a sponsor.
The purpose of doing the steps- is to do them one at a time- and steps 4 thru 7 generally need a sponsor...
I go by my own experience here. In steps two and three we may already have access to our higher power.
We may have to find a higher power, or we may have to review and examine our belief system. The programme works for non-believers, in my view, so long as they keep coming back.
It can be a touchy topic, and some groups, successfully, do not go there. Others do.
I have done years and years of readings. From One day at a time, Courage to Change and Hope for Today.
Virtually everything is covered in these readings- and they provide a good guide.
The 12x12 book and the white manual also provide guidance- a great help.
It is Saturday evening here, as I write...
I used to say that my anxiety did not take weekends off... I think in AA it was helpful to have meetings on Fridays and Saturdays.
It helped to have company during prime drinking times.
Over time I have learned to practise Step 11 successfully... for a long time I found it hard- because I was exhausted.
Now when my old ghosts and demons arise- they usually have no power over me. By ghosts and demons- I mean memories.
Over time my good memories took over, more and more... memories of being at Alanon meetings count for a lot too!
Thanks... ...
hotrod said
May 5, 2018
Step 11 (My favorite of all steps) as it assures me that if I pray for HP's will, I will be given the power to carry it out -- I will not fail. How great is that !!!
As for working the steps, I found that attending Step and Tradition meetings extremely helpful in learning how to work each step and tradition into my life. I also love "Beginner" meetings. When I first entered program I attended many and still do as they reinforce the tools continually.When a beginner comes to my regular Step meeting we suggest that they search out" beginner meetings" and continue on with our scheduled agenda.
As for pain from the memories in the past, I found that the 4th through 10th e step helped me to shed the pain associated with the past because I accepted my part in the situations and I can now look at the past without the pain . What a great gift!! Thanks for the topics David
DavidG said
May 5, 2018
Thanks Y'all...
I have a friend in AA- whose wife did not come to Alanon.
I spoke with here once and she said she did not want to open up a can of worms. I go with that call 100%. I know that Alanon is 'a go-to' not a have-to.
In NZ anyway some people will go to clergy, or a counselor to do the middle steps. Or a trusted member of the community. Not sure if that is the same in the USA?
Having a sponsor is another excellent option.
I have had to "dig deep". For others with a spare $15,000 and a psychotherapist, who understand alcoholism, this might be an option.
I have landed back on step one, really. I had minor surgery this month and An. is having minor surgery next month. All routine, but a bit of a worry initially.
In NZ we have been remembering the 1914-18 war. Been heavily involved in this. I realise now that my head is full of images. Been following my grandfather's diary.
My other grandfather had a hymn book in his tunic pocket- that took the sting out of the bullet.
I have faced down my pain, and rest and sleep much easier. But I also suffer from phantom cold- because of neglect many long years ago. I can face this down too- now that i am mature emotionally and in a safe place.
The coming on of winter sometimes still triggers it.
I realise, just as much, after sobriety- this is the sort of thing the alcoholic must face as well. All sorts of stuff!
I am much less impatient now. I used to get impatient too- on behalf of other people!
I can be grateful, that apart from maintenance, I am strong fit and healthy...
easy does, it, one day at a time, keep it simple... yes... ....
Being kind to myself- a step 10 to myself... ...
hotrod said
May 5, 2018
I imagine that people world wide practice the Steps in the manner that works for them. I know in my alanon meetings we suggest that they use their sponsor or a trusted alanon member to share their 4th through 10th step because we have difficulty in trusting others and reaching out in this manner helps build trust and acceptance--- however whatever works is most important.
Step 10 helps me to not build up resentments and imagined hurts so that I can address an issue quickly, clear the air and move on.That Step. like the practice of all the Steps is really being kind to ourselves-- no more painful residue
DavidG said
May 5, 2018
Hmmm yes... Betty...
when I first encountered Alanon online I sensed a lot of people were struggling with the middle steps.
In early AA- I sense the making amends was done in the first week or so... at least by some... as a way of signalling a change and putting the past behind them...
[not suggesting that everyone should do this!.]
I recall one Alanon member using the akronym- NUTS- Not Using The Steps!
This person was a case in point! Still struggling- as far as I can see. [...a NZ member...]
Not just because the slogan is not a part of our stable.
I made it my goal to try and demonstrate what detachment was. Not an effort of will- the opposite- the experience of grace.
And whenever I am unable- to know what to do- and how to do it... ...
hotrod said
May 5, 2018
NUTS is a great reminder that the Steps work no matter how we decide to work them :0
It guess itis time I push our Step Board here at MIP. This Board is indeed a powerful tool for recovery
. Here is the link http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t64250229/alanon-step-one-1-2-2018/
--
DavidG said
May 5, 2018
Thanks for your thoughts Betty... ...
A big day coming up for you... ... all we can do is to keep looking for answers...
or at least- learning to ask the right questions...
Working together is important for me... making the most of our talents and gifts... ...
your tireless service will pay off- and, over time, will multiply... thank you so much, my friend... ...
hotrod said
May 5, 2018
Take care David
DavidG said
May 6, 2018
I am coming back to my old thread- here...
...each thread looks to me like a mini-meeting- I do not have to go to all of the meetings!
I can pick and choose. ...
hotrod said
May 6, 2018
I agree . Since this is a "WE" program , these days I choose to attend slogan and Step/Tradition ,meetings because they focus on the most important recovery tools. I believe that all meetings serve their purpose depending on where you are on this journey
Hi y'all...
when I first arrived here my hometown group had collapsed. It was a shocker for me. I discussed the reasons then- and do not need to do this now.
The nearest group is only 30 mins away... and I have been a few times. Last time I went a newer member had called for a group conscience- and was having some success. The group has 8 to 12 members- and could easily hold 2 meetings a week- so more could attend... meeting night did into suit everyone- but that was my own opinion.
I do not go that often. The meeting was running through the steps, traditions, concepts, and the 5 general warranties at every meeting... I heard one member say that she didn't understand a word of the concepts.
To me they might as well have been reciting the Koran!
For me I believe that the concepts belong to district assemblies. And amongst members who are taking up service up and beyond group level.
All good stuff I am sure- but is really cut into sharing time. It might be my bias- but it seemed a way of avoiding the nitty gritty issues that people come to meetings for!
This meeting is hardly my home group... I went on the off-chance other members might attend from my town- and we could re-start our group.
Increasingly this MIP Alanon has become my home group... I have no ambition to move beyond the member status... ...I am actively involved in another of the MIP groups- and this is my comfort zone. I place where I get to take care of me.
It has been a trend- that the message board has become the de facto meeting space. I don't attend the chat meetings here... so I have no idea how they are going...
because I life in a vastly different time zone- the 24/7 meeting here is calm, cool and convenient...
I tend to do the steps and the traditions... but for me, over time- the traditions are straight forward and practical I tend to try and live them.
In my old hometown group one tradition were used against me. I was bullied- which i am quite susceptible to.
But I often find that two or three traditions work together... and it just takes group experience to figure out what works best.
and trust amongst members- and empathy, and timing too... tact...
it is not rocket science!
AlAnon is hard work. It is rewarding, miraculous hard work. I too do what works for me.
Hi David I do agree that this MIP Alanon group is indeed a powerful informative group. i m happy you are here sharing the journey.
! Taught me so much. There is always someone online and so there is feedback throughout the day which is a massive help when I am really struggling, it's continuous. I feel very happy and comfortable here, it's a fantastic place!
Steps one, two, and three...
Some groups, when a newcomer arrives, will have a step one meeting. This might depend on the size of the group etc.
I believe that steps two and three can be done inside of the group. I don't believe there is a big rush, usually, to have a sponsor.
The purpose of doing the steps- is to do them one at a time- and steps 4 thru 7 generally need a sponsor...
I go by my own experience here. In steps two and three we may already have access to our higher power.
We may have to find a higher power, or we may have to review and examine our belief system. The programme works for non-believers, in my view, so long as they keep coming back.
It can be a touchy topic, and some groups, successfully, do not go there. Others do.
I have done years and years of readings. From One day at a time, Courage to Change and Hope for Today.
Virtually everything is covered in these readings- and they provide a good guide.
The 12x12 book and the white manual also provide guidance- a great help.
It is Saturday evening here, as I write...
I used to say that my anxiety did not take weekends off... I think in AA it was helpful to have meetings on Fridays and Saturdays.
It helped to have company during prime drinking times.
Over time I have learned to practise Step 11 successfully... for a long time I found it hard- because I was exhausted.
Now when my old ghosts and demons arise- they usually have no power over me. By ghosts and demons- I mean memories.
Over time my good memories took over, more and more... memories of being at Alanon meetings count for a lot too!
Thanks...
...
Step 11 (My favorite of all steps) as it assures me that if I pray for HP's will, I will be given the power to carry it out -- I will not fail. How great is that !!!
As for working the steps, I found that attending Step and Tradition meetings extremely helpful in learning how to work each step and tradition into my life. I also love "Beginner" meetings. When I first entered program I attended many and still do as they reinforce the tools continually.When a beginner comes to my regular Step meeting we suggest that they search out" beginner meetings" and continue on with our scheduled agenda.
As for pain from the memories in the past, I found that the 4th through 10th e step helped me to shed the pain associated with the past because I accepted my part in the situations and I can now look at the past without the pain . What a great gift!!
Thanks for the topics David
Thanks Y'all...
I have a friend in AA- whose wife did not come to Alanon.
I spoke with here once and she said she did not want to open up a can of worms. I go with that call 100%. I know that Alanon is 'a go-to' not a have-to.
In NZ anyway some people will go to clergy, or a counselor to do the middle steps. Or a trusted member of the community. Not sure if that is the same in the USA?
Having a sponsor is another excellent option.
I have had to "dig deep". For others with a spare $15,000 and a psychotherapist, who understand alcoholism, this might be an option.
I have landed back on step one, really. I had minor surgery this month and An. is having minor surgery next month. All routine, but a bit of a worry initially.
In NZ we have been remembering the 1914-18 war. Been heavily involved in this. I realise now that my head is full of images. Been following my grandfather's diary.
My other grandfather had a hymn book in his tunic pocket- that took the sting out of the bullet.
I have faced down my pain, and rest and sleep much easier. But I also suffer from phantom cold- because of neglect many long years ago. I can face this down too- now that i am mature emotionally and in a safe place.
The coming on of winter sometimes still triggers it.
I realise, just as much, after sobriety- this is the sort of thing the alcoholic must face as well. All sorts of stuff!
I am much less impatient now. I used to get impatient too- on behalf of other people!
I can be grateful, that apart from maintenance, I am strong fit and healthy...
easy does, it, one day at a time, keep it simple... yes...
....
Being kind to myself- a step 10 to myself...
...
I imagine that people world wide practice the Steps in the manner that works for them. I know in my alanon meetings we suggest that they use their sponsor or a trusted alanon member to share their 4th through 10th step because we have difficulty in trusting others and reaching out in this manner helps build trust and acceptance--- however whatever works is most important.
Step 10 helps me to not build up resentments and imagined hurts so that I can address an issue quickly, clear the air and move on.That Step. like the practice of all the Steps is really being kind to ourselves-- no more painful residue
Hmmm yes... Betty...
when I first encountered Alanon online I sensed a lot of people were struggling with the middle steps.
In early AA- I sense the making amends was done in the first week or so... at least by some... as a way of signalling a change and putting the past behind them...
[not suggesting that everyone should do this!.]
I recall one Alanon member using the akronym- NUTS- Not Using The Steps!
This person was a case in point! Still struggling- as far as I can see. [...a NZ member...]
Not just because the slogan is not a part of our stable.
I made it my goal to try and demonstrate what detachment was. Not an effort of will- the opposite- the experience of grace.
And whenever I am unable- to know what to do- and how to do it...
...
NUTS is a great reminder that the Steps work no matter how we decide to work them :0
It guess itis time I push our Step Board here at MIP. This Board is indeed a powerful tool for recovery
. Here is the link http://stepwork.activeboard.com/t64250229/alanon-step-one-1-2-2018/
--
Thanks for your thoughts Betty...
...
A big day coming up for you...
... all we can do is to keep looking for answers...
or at least- learning to ask the right questions...
Working together is important for me... making the most of our talents and gifts...
...
your tireless service will pay off- and, over time, will multiply... thank you so much, my friend...
...
I am coming back to my old thread- here...
...each thread looks to me like a mini-meeting- I do not have to go to all of the meetings!
I can pick and choose.
...
I agree . Since this is a "WE" program , these days I choose to attend slogan and Step/Tradition ,meetings because they focus on the most important recovery tools.
I believe that all meetings serve their purpose depending on where you are on this journey