I have not been on this site for a bit, but I have been reading on line and attending meetings. I decided to go out and meet a new man and see if I can get back on track with my life. I met a man 2 months ago and he seemed like a really great guy. To good to be true. My head started spinning as what he said and did appeared to be inconsistent. I was trying to figure it out and then I began to hear rumors from people that know him and I had confronted him about one rumor I had heard and he got very angry. I got scared as he was yelling and swearing bad. I have been watching and observing him and his actions were just inconsistent with what he was saying. It was in fact opposite and began questioning who is this person? I began doing research on the things he was saying and had said about himself and I found out he was lying about everything he had said. It was all based on lies and I found out some other things about him that raised even more red flags for me. He has suddenly just walked out of my life without any explanation. He has just vanished yet he reads my Facebook messages i send to him without a response. I feel angry at myself for believing what this man said and being there for him as he had a sad story. I am angry at myself for keeping in contact and holding onto the other end of the rope. I feel like a fool and taken advantage of. I have to remember, at least I saw the typical alcoholic behaviors in front of me and knew he is not stable at all. I heard some of these rumors and I am taking them to heart as I do not know this person history and he seemed to be very allusive of his past. I saw the red flags very fast and for that I am grateful. I guess my recovery is a lot further than I believe. I just feel like a fool for believing this person. I guess I can see it as lesson learned and I ran before the misery really started. I have to remember let go and let god..let go and let god. I went for a walk and tried to get him out of my head. I guess, I am not ready to date as I believe. I need to work on myself as my picker seems to be still broken. I however am grateful I saw him for what he is like, I need to stop contact and focus on my recovery.
I just had to share this and read more messages on line her and get my head on straight. I will be going to a meeting tonight!
hotrod said
May 3, 2018
((Joker)) Itsound as if recovery is working well for you. I see you using the tools of staying in the moment and the day saying what you need , trusting your inner guidance and not using the old denial and pretend i n order to live life . Glad that you shared and pray that your meeting goes well
andromeda said
May 3, 2018
We all can be fooled. One thing my sponsor told me about dating is that 'we're just gathering information'. You can't know everything about everybody right away and many people hide some of their negative qualities for months while dating. Just take this lesson with you as you move forward and keep staying in program. You're doing great! Thanks for sharing your story, too!
Jerry F said
May 4, 2018
Aloha Joker of course our program is about progress not perfection so I had to allow myself the stumbles and slips and then get back to "working it". Where do I look for good prospects for dating? inside the program. (((((hugs)))))
hotrod said
May 4, 2018
Great suggestion Jerry. I connected with my partner of 30 years at an Alanon Share a Day. The relationship although not perfect works well.:)
SerenityRUS said
May 4, 2018
My observations is always the rush to get back into a relationship and when I asked myself why that was there were many things none of which had to do with anything I was even ready for. I tend to make someone who is suppose to be in my life for a season a lifetime partner and that has not worked out so well. People especially in dating as Andromeda stated it's information gathering. What works, what doesn't and what do I really want from a partner and what I want .. can I give that as well. I wanted someone who was emotionally available .. the reality was when I started dating my XAH both of them .. lol .. I was unable to give what I was asking for.
When the focus is put on me I do so much better .. people are who they are and I am working on believing who they show me that's not to say it's a snap judgment. It is about what works for me, where am I at in the process and what do I really want.
I have not been on this site for a bit, but I have been reading on line and attending meetings. I decided to go out and meet a new man and see if I can get back on track with my life. I met a man 2 months ago and he seemed like a really great guy. To good to be true. My head started spinning as what he said and did appeared to be inconsistent. I was trying to figure it out and then I began to hear rumors from people that know him and I had confronted him about one rumor I had heard and he got very angry. I got scared as he was yelling and swearing bad. I have been watching and observing him and his actions were just inconsistent with what he was saying. It was in fact opposite and began questioning who is this person? I began doing research on the things he was saying and had said about himself and I found out he was lying about everything he had said. It was all based on lies and I found out some other things about him that raised even more red flags for me. He has suddenly just walked out of my life without any explanation. He has just vanished yet he reads my Facebook messages i send to him without a response. I feel angry at myself for believing what this man said and being there for him as he had a sad story. I am angry at myself for keeping in contact and holding onto the other end of the rope. I feel like a fool and taken advantage of. I have to remember, at least I saw the typical alcoholic behaviors in front of me and knew he is not stable at all. I heard some of these rumors and I am taking them to heart as I do not know this person history and he seemed to be very allusive of his past. I saw the red flags very fast and for that I am grateful. I guess my recovery is a lot further than I believe. I just feel like a fool for believing this person. I guess I can see it as lesson learned and I ran before the misery really started. I have to remember let go and let god..let go and let god. I went for a walk and tried to get him out of my head. I guess, I am not ready to date as I believe. I need to work on myself as my picker seems to be still broken. I however am grateful I saw him for what he is like, I need to stop contact and focus on my recovery.
I just had to share this and read more messages on line her and get my head on straight. I will be going to a meeting tonight!
Aloha Joker of course our program is about progress not perfection so I had to allow myself the stumbles and slips and then get back to "working it". Where do I look for good prospects for dating? inside the program. (((((hugs)))))
When the focus is put on me I do so much better .. people are who they are and I am working on believing who they show me that's not to say it's a snap judgment. It is about what works for me, where am I at in the process and what do I really want.
Hugs :)