Aaannnddd .. the XAH is off and running again with no communication and I'm trying to balance that in the midst of being very PMS.
So I'm trying to breathe .. and remember this is all going to workout again and right here and now is why my XAH is an a$$ with a capital "A".
What I have learned in this process is not to jump before necessary and I still know more about the law game than he does AND he's screwing himself going forward. I'm just going to bide my time. I'm wondering again if he's been notified that I have filed claiming the kids from last years taxes which I did and was within my rights.
The State overpaid me and if they did a self audit they may try to say HE overpaid me which he did not I've been waiting for this to go through the proper channels and honestly I hope his thinking is this stupid because it will bode in my favor yet again.
I am just irritated that he continues to do this kind of behavior and while I can't control him .. I will totally smack him where it hurts him the most. I actually DO see divorce papers in his future. So this is about to get interesting especially if I win this end of the his consistent game he has just got to play with me.
My attorney said to me .. if he would just leave you alone and not bother you .. you would have NO issue just letting things go .. and she is absolutely right .. I don't contact him unless it's regarding money .. I don't contact him unless he's doing and saying things that are in the crazy zone like he's going to pay our adult daughter child support directly to her. OOOOOoooookkkkkk ... you do that and let's see how that all works out for you. So instead I'm just going to park myself and wait.
I did send an email and it was direct however pleasant as in what's going on .. you are required to let me know if something will adversely affect me financially and I really dislike sending emails like this .. my thought process (I didn't say this is I would rather you just leave me alone and move on already).
Thankfully I'm in a better financial position .. it just really upsets me that I get ahead and this happens.
Thanks for letting me share .. ugh .. S
Lyne said
May 2, 2018
Hi Serenity-Having had a deadbeat XAH plus drugs, I can relate! Last night in our meeting we discussed "This too shall pass" from How Alanon Works. It was a great discussion about how to use our tools for patience and knowing that how we feel today may not be how we feel tomorrow. ODAT and all that other good stuff, I know that time and HP help me weather all storms. My sponsor too :). Lyne
SerenityRUS said
May 2, 2018
I MISS MY SPONSOR!!!
I really actually do .. God love that woman she seriously had the patience of a saint. I used to tease her all the time about that and she was a devote Catholic to boot .. I would tell her that there was a special place reserved just for her and listening to my crazy. :)
Well, after having many mini meltdowns over the last night my money came in however it's just still weird that it came in like it did and not normal like it should .. I get nervous because this was his last ability to throw me and I know I allow it. I'm getting better however it's a matter of breathing.
I have to remember that I will come out on the other side much better than on the front side of things, I am not feeling it emotionally at the moment and feel kind of fragile.
There are big changes that are all positive however change is not comfortable and I am fighting what I know is best for all of us at the moment and just need to surrender.
Thanks,
S :)
MizzB said
May 2, 2018
Serenity, I completely empathise with having the hormones fighting you on top of everything else. I'm currently in that situation. Glad to see that you are keeping positive about it and breathing and getting better. xx
PosiesandPuppies said
May 2, 2018
((((Serenity))))
Sending you positive vibes!
Jayla said
May 8, 2018
Man I hear all you with the crazy exās. I have one too and itās not the A. Itās the abuser I married and divorced before the A. He just takes every chance to try to mess with me and make things difficult that shouldnāt be difficult. Unfortunately itās nearly impossible to get sole custody where I am unless you have MAJOR criminal behavior on the ex. And mine is always sneaky enough to not get caught and he had the only good lawyer in the area. It gets depressing because Iāve been dealing with it for 8 years and it will be another 8 before my child is grown. It feels like it will go on forever. :(
SerenityRUS said
May 8, 2018
Jayla,
I'm right there with you because it's been crazy town in terms of we have done this since 2012 and we are at 2018 it will be 2022 before we are completely done and we aren't even done then because of the back support issues at this point, plus interest, penalties and so on .. so both of my kids may be well into their 20's before it's all said and done.
Thankfully, I only have one crazy X and don't deal with my first or I would be in looneyville. I only pray he manages to stay married to the current wife so that I can get paid. So we will see what's going on.
Hugs S :)
Jayla said
May 8, 2018
((hugs)) it really really really stinks
andromeda said
May 8, 2018
Hormones suck....
End of story!
Hugs!
Iamhere said
May 9, 2018
This is my first stop for the morning, and I just chuckled out loud - no truer statement - Hormones suck!!! (((Hugs))) to all. And - for those who wonder, like all other things, this too shall pass!
SerenityRUS said
May 9, 2018
Yes they do!!! LOL!
Bo said
May 9, 2018
It really sucks when someone else's "stuff" still impacts us, our lives, our day to day. I've been going to meetings for almost 25 years -- and have always strived to "insulate" myself, as best as possible, so that the collateral damage, and the fallout from someone else doesn't impact me and my life. While I've done a great job -- and I don't depend on another for any financial whatever -- there is still the odd circumstance where my ex does something which finds its way into my world. I handle it the best I can. I usually am able to detach and stay out of it.
In a case where someone else's financial situation has a direct impact on you -- we can only do what we can do. My sponsor used to say "do the next right thing in front of you" and keep the focus on you. Even when you do that -- sure, someone else can get angry at you. Well, sounds like a personal problem, LOL. Seriously, if we do what is best for us, what is healthy for us -- the fallout is not punitive. The ramifications are not punishment or an offensive strike, or lashing out, it is nothing of the like. What it is perceived to be...is not always what it is.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
SerenityRUS said
May 11, 2018
The weekend is upon us and the marital settlement is now delayed for whatever reason. I was revisiting an email regarding "we have it set up to go out on the 6th of every month" well, it's 44+ months of payments that are rightfully mine. It will be more by the time it's said and done .. my youngest will be in his 20's. I figured it out. I'm just biding my time.
I'm holding out on sending an email with the hope that when I get home tonight it will be in my mailbox. It wouldn't shock me if he did this today because of the timing of the weekend being Mother's Day. We are moving my oldest from one dorm to another, that will be more expensive for me as a new mini fridge with stocked food in it. LOL. I'm happy to do it however this kind of thing causes me resentment. It pulls away from my youngest as he also has end of the year expenses.
My Ex at one point told my oldest that he would send child support directly to him instead of me .. I'm REALLY hoping that's not what he's doing because the martial settlement is about past due stuff. This is not about him picking and choosing what he sends or how. That isn't my problem .. however it will be his and it will effect him financially big time.
It is what it is .. I can't help he does what he does to himself without thinking about the long term consequences for anyone else except him.
S
Aline said
May 11, 2018
Sending you hugs and positive vibes, (((Serenity))). I don't understand much about the stuff you are going through regarding the practical side as I wasn't married to my ex and don't have kids, it sounds frustrating. I don't believe I could handle that kind of interaction with my ex with any degree of sanity. No contact is what works for me at the moment. Keep on keeping on :)
SerenityRUS said
May 11, 2018
That's what it normally is and I prefer it that way .. I found out that what he's sending the oldest is more than 1/2 of what he sends to me at the moment which he seriously can't be that stupid to think that he's going to send this and deduct it from what he owes me .. however he's thought weirder things soooo .. go figure.
I'm waiting for him to come up with another one.
I really wish I had zero contact with him .. having kids with someone .. it doesn't matter who is a lifetime commitment and a large financial responsibility for everyone involved, .. it's so much better to be able to separate without the conflict .. some people can't let it go at that.
Aaannnddd .. the XAH is off and running again with no communication and I'm trying to balance that in the midst of being very PMS.
So I'm trying to breathe .. and remember this is all going to workout again and right here and now is why my XAH is an a$$ with a capital "A".
What I have learned in this process is not to jump before necessary and I still know more about the law game than he does AND he's screwing himself going forward. I'm just going to bide my time. I'm wondering again if he's been notified that I have filed claiming the kids from last years taxes which I did and was within my rights.
The State overpaid me and if they did a self audit they may try to say HE overpaid me which he did not I've been waiting for this to go through the proper channels and honestly I hope his thinking is this stupid because it will bode in my favor yet again.
I am just irritated that he continues to do this kind of behavior and while I can't control him .. I will totally smack him where it hurts him the most. I actually DO see divorce papers in his future. So this is about to get interesting especially if I win this end of the his consistent game he has just got to play with me.
My attorney said to me .. if he would just leave you alone and not bother you .. you would have NO issue just letting things go .. and she is absolutely right .. I don't contact him unless it's regarding money .. I don't contact him unless he's doing and saying things that are in the crazy zone like he's going to pay our adult daughter child support directly to her. OOOOOoooookkkkkk ... you do that and let's see how that all works out for you. So instead I'm just going to park myself and wait.
I did send an email and it was direct however pleasant as in what's going on .. you are required to let me know if something will adversely affect me financially and I really dislike sending emails like this .. my thought process (I didn't say this is I would rather you just leave me alone and move on already).
Thankfully I'm in a better financial position .. it just really upsets me that I get ahead and this happens.
Thanks for letting me share .. ugh .. S
I really actually do .. God love that woman she seriously had the patience of a saint. I used to tease her all the time about that and she was a devote Catholic to boot .. I would tell her that there was a special place reserved just for her and listening to my crazy. :)
Well, after having many mini meltdowns over the last night my money came in however it's just still weird that it came in like it did and not normal like it should .. I get nervous because this was his last ability to throw me and I know I allow it. I'm getting better however it's a matter of breathing.
I have to remember that I will come out on the other side much better than on the front side of things, I am not feeling it emotionally at the moment and feel kind of fragile.
There are big changes that are all positive however change is not comfortable and I am fighting what I know is best for all of us at the moment and just need to surrender.
Thanks,
S :)
Sending you positive vibes!
I'm right there with you because it's been crazy town in terms of we have done this since 2012 and we are at 2018 it will be 2022 before we are completely done and we aren't even done then because of the back support issues at this point, plus interest, penalties and so on .. so both of my kids may be well into their 20's before it's all said and done.
Thankfully, I only have one crazy X and don't deal with my first or I would be in looneyville. I only pray he manages to stay married to the current wife so that I can get paid. So we will see what's going on.
Hugs S :)
End of story!
Hugs!
In a case where someone else's financial situation has a direct impact on you -- we can only do what we can do. My sponsor used to say "do the next right thing in front of you" and keep the focus on you. Even when you do that -- sure, someone else can get angry at you. Well, sounds like a personal problem, LOL. Seriously, if we do what is best for us, what is healthy for us -- the fallout is not punitive. The ramifications are not punishment or an offensive strike, or lashing out, it is nothing of the like. What it is perceived to be...is not always what it is.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I'm holding out on sending an email with the hope that when I get home tonight it will be in my mailbox. It wouldn't shock me if he did this today because of the timing of the weekend being Mother's Day. We are moving my oldest from one dorm to another, that will be more expensive for me as a new mini fridge with stocked food in it. LOL. I'm happy to do it however this kind of thing causes me resentment. It pulls away from my youngest as he also has end of the year expenses.
My Ex at one point told my oldest that he would send child support directly to him instead of me .. I'm REALLY hoping that's not what he's doing because the martial settlement is about past due stuff. This is not about him picking and choosing what he sends or how. That isn't my problem .. however it will be his and it will effect him financially big time.
It is what it is .. I can't help he does what he does to himself without thinking about the long term consequences for anyone else except him.
S
I'm waiting for him to come up with another one.
I really wish I had zero contact with him .. having kids with someone .. it doesn't matter who is a lifetime commitment and a large financial responsibility for everyone involved, .. it's so much better to be able to separate without the conflict .. some people can't let it go at that.
S :)