I have been attending meetings for about 8 months now: I want to work the steps, but have not been able to find a sponsor. I keep asking around and keep getting shot down. I just attended a new meeting for the first time last night; asked someone and he said the same thing they always do Keep going to meetings and ask someone there.
I dont know how to do the program if a sponsor is required. Should I work the steps or should I just give up and try something else? I dont understand how a higher power could lead me to a 12 step program and then not provide the tools for recovery.
SerenityRUS said
Apr 23, 2018
Hamarr .. welcome and I am glad you are here.
I asked multiple time and didn't have the challenge of being a guy in that regard since it is recommended that men sponsor men and women sponsor women. Now at my very small meeting it became a situation that we had more than one guy and no guys that had been long term recovery in Alanon.
It seems to me in observing what you shared it was your first meeting and you asked .. you might want to build some relationships with some people before asking .. I just suggest this as a way of forming a bond .. one meeting and I wouldn't have known who I wanted to ask .. by the way I was shot down as you put it 2x before finding my wonderful sponsor .. I had been attending the same meeting for many months before asking .. I'm so grateful for the teacher my HP provided. She was exactly what I needed and I li
She actually started off as more of a temporary sponsor and turned into my regular sponsor. I just can't state enough that having the right sponsor for you is soooo huge.
I agree with the information you received .. keep coming back to the same meeting and you might be surprised who comes up there are some great guys on the boards who can serve as sponsors as well. I'm sure that our mods have a list of people who would be willing to be a temporary sponsor until you find one real time.
Do you need a sponsor to work the steps .. my answer is absolutely!! :)
Hugs S :)
Bo said
Apr 23, 2018
Congratulations on the 8 months...keep going back!!! I have no idea how many meetings you have attended in 8 months, where you live, I can't speak to anything about the meetings you are attending, etc. -- but 8 months is still a newcomer in many people's eyes. Develop some relationships, see who has been around a while, talk, chat, get some sort of bond before you ask. You may have done that, but do more. Also, I am not saying start the steps or don't start the steps, but some people may be looking for you to be there a year, and then consider sponsoring you and starting the steps. Why not just look for a sponsor now, period. Not a sponsor to start the steps -- just a sponsor, period. Everyone works differently.
In my experience, yes, you need want. You want one. Period. Not just for step work. For everything.
Jerry F said
Apr 23, 2018
Welcome Hamarr to the board/family and to the program. I relate to your post and for other reasons. I was too self centered and egotistical believing I could not and would not be taught by others and that I would and could find the solutions on my own...the exact reasons without knowing it that was causing me so much problems. I trusted no one and when I finally made the decision to get a sponsor I chose a woman partly because I wanted to keep MY power strong...LOL. I picked a woman I could not manipulate and control and got fired with a recommendation to ask a male member for sponsorship who remained my sponsor and still abides with me tho he died years ago. I have another sponsor today who is from within my culture and my disease and am so blessed with it...thank you God.
Choose and choose well. Ask your candidates about themselves...their stories...where they came from...what they learned and how they practice and then if they will teach you also. We teach alcoholics and family how to live happy whole lives inspite of this fatal disease.
Good luck and make sure to look with your HP...HP knows good sponsors. ((((hugs))))
Dutchy said
Apr 23, 2018
Hi!
I haven't been able to go to face to face meetings as I have 3 girls under 5 and my recovering alcoholic husband doesn't currently live at home. This means I am doing everything on my own and I'm reliant on peoples help for childcare. I also haven't had any luck of finding an AlAnon meting with childcare.
I wold love to have a sponsor but have started working the 12 Steps myself. Got myself a lovely notebook and started the Sep workboard on this page and I'm seeing changes within myself. Recently I asked my therapist if every now and again we could spend some time on my Step work and it's really nice to be see her each week and talk about things and show her my steps as, before she became a family therapist, she worked with alcoholics, recovering alcoholics and their families for over 15 years.
Maybe you can find yourself a good therapist and start the Steps on your own?
DavidG said
Apr 23, 2018
I had one sponsor on the way through- for some reason the group found me a sponsor.
My feeling is that time as a group member is important, essential. There are some groups in the world where people are not allowed to talk about the A.
or engage in "the poor me's".
My own viewpoint is what is the point of going- in that case. But in groups like those having a sponsor from the get-go would be essential. To have someone to confide in.
hotrod said
Apr 23, 2018
Hello H, Welcome This is "WE" program and a sponsor is a great ally as you walk this difficult journey A sponsor will guide us into more positive attitudes if we go off into our negative tools .[ Many meetings have a list of members who will accept telephone calls or are available to sponsor. good luck
Freetime said
Apr 23, 2018
Welcome, Hamarr. As Dutchy suggested, until you can find an in-person sponsor, it is possible to make progress in other ways. I also found the Step Work board on this site a good resource. Just start with the thread for Al-Anon Step One and go from there.
In case you can't see where that board is located, here is a link:
Do not be discouraged as when the right one comes along, it will work as it's supposed to! I do believe a sponsor is a great tool and I also believe you can progress while your search continues. Just keep doing what you're doing and trust the process. Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way!!
WestMan said
Apr 24, 2018
Hi. I didn't have to wait as long as you did but once I knew I wanted to work the steps I started studying Step 1 on my own. The Step Board here is helpful. Then once I had a Sponsor I continued studying that step and gained some new insights.
Hi,
I have been attending meetings for about 8 months now: I want to work the steps, but have not been able to find a sponsor. I keep asking around and keep getting shot down. I just attended a new meeting for the first time last night; asked someone and he said the same thing they always do Keep going to meetings and ask someone there.
I dont know how to do the program if a sponsor is required. Should I work the steps or should I just give up and try something else? I dont understand how a higher power could lead me to a 12 step program and then not provide the tools for recovery.
I asked multiple time and didn't have the challenge of being a guy in that regard since it is recommended that men sponsor men and women sponsor women. Now at my very small meeting it became a situation that we had more than one guy and no guys that had been long term recovery in Alanon.
It seems to me in observing what you shared it was your first meeting and you asked .. you might want to build some relationships with some people before asking .. I just suggest this as a way of forming a bond .. one meeting and I wouldn't have known who I wanted to ask .. by the way I was shot down as you put it 2x before finding my wonderful sponsor .. I had been attending the same meeting for many months before asking .. I'm so grateful for the teacher my HP provided. She was exactly what I needed and I li
She actually started off as more of a temporary sponsor and turned into my regular sponsor. I just can't state enough that having the right sponsor for you is soooo huge.
I agree with the information you received .. keep coming back to the same meeting and you might be surprised who comes up there are some great guys on the boards who can serve as sponsors as well. I'm sure that our mods have a list of people who would be willing to be a temporary sponsor until you find one real time.
Do you need a sponsor to work the steps .. my answer is absolutely!! :)
Hugs S :)
Congratulations on the 8 months...keep going back!!! I have no idea how many meetings you have attended in 8 months, where you live, I can't speak to anything about the meetings you are attending, etc. -- but 8 months is still a newcomer in many people's eyes. Develop some relationships, see who has been around a while, talk, chat, get some sort of bond before you ask. You may have done that, but do more. Also, I am not saying start the steps or don't start the steps, but some people may be looking for you to be there a year, and then consider sponsoring you and starting the steps. Why not just look for a sponsor now, period. Not a sponsor to start the steps -- just a sponsor, period. Everyone works differently.
In my experience, yes, you need want. You want one. Period. Not just for step work. For everything.
Welcome Hamarr to the board/family and to the program. I relate to your post and for other reasons. I was too self centered and egotistical believing I could not and would not be taught by others and that I would and could find the solutions on my own...the exact reasons without knowing it that was causing me so much problems. I trusted no one and when I finally made the decision to get a sponsor I chose a woman partly because I wanted to keep MY power strong...LOL. I picked a woman I could not manipulate and control and got fired with a recommendation to ask a male member for sponsorship who remained my sponsor and still abides with me tho he died years ago. I have another sponsor today who is from within my culture and my disease and am so blessed with it...thank you God.
Choose and choose well. Ask your candidates about themselves...their stories...where they came from...what they learned and how they practice and then if they will teach you also. We teach alcoholics and family how to live happy whole lives inspite of this fatal disease.
Good luck and make sure to look with your HP...HP knows good sponsors. ((((hugs))))
I haven't been able to go to face to face meetings as I have 3 girls under 5 and my recovering alcoholic husband doesn't currently live at home. This means I am doing everything on my own and I'm reliant on peoples help for childcare. I also haven't had any luck of finding an AlAnon meting with childcare.
I wold love to have a sponsor but have started working the 12 Steps myself. Got myself a lovely notebook and started the Sep workboard on this page and I'm seeing changes within myself. Recently I asked my therapist if every now and again we could spend some time on my Step work and it's really nice to be see her each week and talk about things and show her my steps as, before she became a family therapist, she worked with alcoholics, recovering alcoholics and their families for over 15 years.
Maybe you can find yourself a good therapist and start the Steps on your own?
I had one sponsor on the way through- for some reason the group found me a sponsor.
My feeling is that time as a group member is important, essential. There are some groups in the world where people are not allowed to talk about the A.
or engage in "the poor me's".
My own viewpoint is what is the point of going- in that case. But in groups like those having a sponsor from the get-go would be essential. To have someone to confide in.
Hello H, Welcome This is "WE" program and a sponsor is a great ally as you walk this difficult journey A sponsor will guide us into more positive attitudes if we go off into our negative tools .[
Many meetings have a list of members who will accept telephone calls or are available to sponsor. good luck
In case you can't see where that board is located, here is a link:
stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark