I learned some basics of life in Alanon. My parents and grandparents were fine people- but there was a deep seated flaw on the family. They did their best.
At one stage in the 1970's I lost two uncles to suicide. The impact on their immediate family was obvious. In the same decade i became a mamber of the Anglican [Episcopalian] Church- thinking my higher power lived somewhere, and in probably all churches. The Vicar's wife had been my teacher at age 15. I stayed at their home sometimes. But the dear vicar was a gin drinker. He subsequently killed himself.
This did not kill, or even dent my faith. I was wise to the ways of the world. I did continue to seek answers.
Yesterday i went to a tangi in town here. A tangi is a funeral. My kids and George's had gone to the same native pre-school and were always close friends. My country is a real clean and green place- but round the edges the world intercedes. I went to the home and was met by a group of "Mongrels", a national gang who all wear red and often sport facial tattoos. Local boys who knew me and my kids. I was warmly welcomed.
In my 20's I was familiar with the underbelly of society- and I pride myself with being able to mix with people of all cultures and persuasions.
No one strata of society is immune to the ravages of addiction.
I paid my respects to George, his three kids, and his ex. I gave her a koha of $100 for petrol etc. and food too, maybe.
Full public funeral at 1 pm today.
I always say that my beliefs come in a Christian envelope, and that envelope is a brown envelope. Being in the sheilaship and fellowship, I am also a searcher and a believer, all rolled into one.
I had a drink of orange afterwards, and socialised with George's cousin, who was the master of ceremonies.
In recent times i have learned to live in the present moment. Some of my old health issues have slipped away- and I am much healthier and fitter than I was in my younger days.
i used to worry far too much about other people. I was schooled in this from a young age.
I really love the wider fellowship of Alanon, AA, NA, ACA, and others... because I believe we all have a lot in common- similar issues...
In Alanon I try to stick top the script... and I really talking through the traditions with other people. I was schooled in the Steps and Traditions early on in my recovery. But is is how they apply in the practical sense, that interests me most. For me the binder, or the yeast, in the pudding is Concept 4. Participation is the key to harmony.
I reflected on this a lot- and over time I realised that- try as i might- I could not make everything right with the people around me. Well, not all the time, anyway. ...
there is a connection- a point of contact with others, that I call healing- and illuminating... oh yes! I see it more and more going forward.
But for me this participation was centred more and more on a sense of personal harmony. Peace of mind. Patience, Serenity, loving and caring detachment.
I can take this anywhere.
Aroha mai...
DavidG.
hotrod said
Apr 17, 2018
Hi David I am sorry to read of all the loss you have experienced. I agree "living one day at a time trusting HP", is a powerful tool that helps me to live my life with courage, serenity and wisdom.
As far as" participation being the key to harmony," I find by embracing alanon basic principles , and simply attending meetings,and listening with an open mind is a great way to participate just as is, chairing meetings, serving as an officer and sponsoring a newer member . The tools of the program helped me to break the isolation caused by this disease and enjoy life .
Iamhere said
Apr 17, 2018
(((David))) - great share and powerful tool we have in One Day at a Time...I love the traditions and we study them often here. In the meetings I attend, both are on the wall - the steps and the traditions. I am in awe of the power of the suggested foundation written by other imperfect people in recovery and how each has a huge meaning in my recovery.
What your share reminded me is how we also live this program outside the rooms - practicing these principals in 'all our affairs'. Your journey to provide support for those in mourning and considering a life well lived as well as other lives possibly cut short speaks to me about how relative and relevant One Day at a Time really is.
Every day, I am given opportunities to practice recovery. I spoke with my parents last night, mom is doing good with her recovery. However, they shared that my brother closest in age to me is having surgery on Thursday. They presented it as a question - did I know - as they are still in denial of the damage I caused him from my alcoholism more than 30 years ago. He's opted to not be close, and I'm grateful he treats me with civility at family gatherings. That one simple question, asked innocently by aging parents, immediately made me feel shame....shame of behaviors a lifetime ago - but for only an instant.
This program gave me the ability to return my mind, body, spirit and soul to the present time, which is today. I am not that person any more, I have changed. I am a worthy child of a HP who designed me to be flawed. One Day at a Time, I continue to grow, learn, improve and live the best life possible. We all do....and One Day at a Time, I offer myself to my HP to do with me what he will and keep on rolling forward.
Thank you for the great share and your honesty. Thank you for the ESH and topic - it's the 'one' we can do each day, every day, quite well with practice!!! (((Hugs)))
Jerry F said
Apr 17, 2018
My long past revisited in this post and the responses. When I was a child I used to hang around the elders and listen with my ears and eyes and learn so much that brought me the freedom of understanding. It served me well until the disease of alcoholism became my cruel master.
This post reminds me of the times the elders taught me and taught me well and then re-instills the promise of the program to my life.
Mahalo to all of you again for giving me another touch of the promise that if I just keep coming back with an open mind I will rarely have to suffer the pains of our disease. I feel touch thru you all from my Higher Power. (((((Hugs)))))
Dutchy said
Apr 18, 2018
Wise words, I am getting there, one day at a time and with a lot of help and support.(((hugs)))
I learned some basics of life in Alanon. My parents and grandparents were fine people- but there was a deep seated flaw on the family. They did their best.
At one stage in the 1970's I lost two uncles to suicide. The impact on their immediate family was obvious. In the same decade i became a mamber of the Anglican [Episcopalian] Church- thinking my higher power lived somewhere, and in probably all churches. The Vicar's wife had been my teacher at age 15. I stayed at their home sometimes. But the dear vicar was a gin drinker. He subsequently killed himself.
This did not kill, or even dent my faith. I was wise to the ways of the world. I did continue to seek answers.
Yesterday i went to a tangi in town here. A tangi is a funeral. My kids and George's had gone to the same native pre-school and were always close friends. My country is a real clean and green place- but round the edges the world intercedes. I went to the home and was met by a group of "Mongrels", a national gang who all wear red and often sport facial tattoos. Local boys who knew me and my kids. I was warmly welcomed.
In my 20's I was familiar with the underbelly of society- and I pride myself with being able to mix with people of all cultures and persuasions.
No one strata of society is immune to the ravages of addiction.
I paid my respects to George, his three kids, and his ex. I gave her a koha of $100 for petrol etc. and food too, maybe.
Full public funeral at 1 pm today.
I always say that my beliefs come in a Christian envelope, and that envelope is a brown envelope. Being in the sheilaship and fellowship, I am also a searcher and a believer, all rolled into one.
I had a drink of orange afterwards, and socialised with George's cousin, who was the master of ceremonies.
In recent times i have learned to live in the present moment. Some of my old health issues have slipped away- and I am much healthier and fitter than I was in my younger days.
i used to worry far too much about other people. I was schooled in this from a young age.
I really love the wider fellowship of Alanon, AA, NA, ACA, and others... because I believe we all have a lot in common- similar issues...
In Alanon I try to stick top the script... and I really talking through the traditions with other people. I was schooled in the Steps and Traditions early on in my recovery. But is is how they apply in the practical sense, that interests me most. For me the binder, or the yeast, in the pudding is Concept 4. Participation is the key to harmony.
I reflected on this a lot- and over time I realised that- try as i might- I could not make everything right with the people around me. Well, not all the time, anyway.
...
there is a connection- a point of contact with others, that I call healing- and illuminating... oh yes! I see it more and more going forward.
But for me this participation was centred more and more on a sense of personal harmony. Peace of mind. Patience, Serenity, loving and caring detachment.
I can take this anywhere.
Aroha mai...
DavidG.
Hi David I am sorry to read of all the loss you have experienced. I agree "living one day at a time trusting HP", is a powerful tool that helps me to live my life with courage, serenity and wisdom.
As far as" participation being the key to harmony," I find by embracing alanon basic principles , and simply attending meetings,and listening with an open mind is a great way to participate just as is, chairing meetings, serving as an officer and sponsoring a newer member .
The tools of the program helped me to break the isolation caused by this disease and enjoy life .
What your share reminded me is how we also live this program outside the rooms - practicing these principals in 'all our affairs'. Your journey to provide support for those in mourning and considering a life well lived as well as other lives possibly cut short speaks to me about how relative and relevant One Day at a Time really is.
Every day, I am given opportunities to practice recovery. I spoke with my parents last night, mom is doing good with her recovery. However, they shared that my brother closest in age to me is having surgery on Thursday. They presented it as a question - did I know - as they are still in denial of the damage I caused him from my alcoholism more than 30 years ago. He's opted to not be close, and I'm grateful he treats me with civility at family gatherings. That one simple question, asked innocently by aging parents, immediately made me feel shame....shame of behaviors a lifetime ago - but for only an instant.
This program gave me the ability to return my mind, body, spirit and soul to the present time, which is today. I am not that person any more, I have changed. I am a worthy child of a HP who designed me to be flawed. One Day at a Time, I continue to grow, learn, improve and live the best life possible. We all do....and One Day at a Time, I offer myself to my HP to do with me what he will and keep on rolling forward.
Thank you for the great share and your honesty. Thank you for the ESH and topic - it's the 'one' we can do each day, every day, quite well with practice!!! (((Hugs)))
My long past revisited in this post and the responses. When I was a child I used to hang around the elders and listen with my ears and eyes and learn so much that brought me the freedom of understanding. It served me well until the disease of alcoholism became my cruel master.
This post reminds me of the times the elders taught me and taught me well and then re-instills the promise of the program to my life.
Mahalo to all of you again for giving me another touch of the promise that if I just keep coming back with an open mind I will rarely have to suffer the pains of our disease. I feel touch thru you all from my Higher Power. (((((Hugs)))))