These past days Im trying to redirect my thinking to more pleasant things often. I see how Im so used to negative thinking its like I dont know how to live without it. It seems maybe it doesnt really matter all that much what it is that Im thinking as long as its doom and gloom, and self-criticizing and stuff. I feel this awareness is a good step toward changing things.
I had a some sort of panic attack on Thursday, I think its my 4th in total, and this has in fact kicked me into at least trying to let go of the negative. I dont know why but in my head it seems I can somehow solve whatever negative if I just dwell on it for long enough. The fact that it hasnt really worked was not enough for me apparently. I am also considering getting professional help, but Im scared, and also Im hoping that working the program, doing the steps might render other help unnecessary, but that might be just my wishful thinking and desire to avoid going to my family doctor with Im having panic attacks line.
I found this meditation app on my phone that I really like so far, its called Pacifica, and the stuff there is pretty great, I think, so Ill keep using that too.
I bought myself flowers in a pot today, and managed to let go of negative thoughts / feelings of insecurity by not continuing to dwell on them but just acknowledging them and moving on. Its feels weird, but somehow I get the feeling that Im going in the right direction to get better.
Since the panic attack Ive been feeling pretty calm inside, on the whole, which is nice and after all serenity is what I want. But you know what twice a thought popped into my head these past few days that life isnt that exciting, really. :D. And yeah, it isnt when I dont create my own drama or get into others drama. I have read of others in Alanon sharing things about being addicted to chaos and drama, but I wasnt in a condition to appreciate that this applies to me also. I suspected that something like that might be true for me too, but couldnt really understand for sure.
All things considering, Im pretty nuts, but getting better s l o w l y. Actually, the longer Im in the program, the more I see how absolutely crazy Id become.
If you have experience with panic attacks, I would really appreciate your ESH.
Thank you all for being here, MIP is part of the gift of not being alone anymore.
-- Edited by Aline on Saturday 7th of April 2018 07:25:09 AM
Iamhere said
Apr 7, 2018
(((Aline))) - I have had a few panic attacks and what is most strange is they never came when there was huge chaos and stress going on - it was always during the calm after the storm. I can't honestly say what made them 'come' nor can I say why they did when they did, but it is a horribly terrifying experience. I have low blood sugar too and when I am 'off' with my blood sugar, it's really hard to know/tell what is actually going on in my body/brain. The last time it all happens to me, I actually had several mini-seizures and lost periods of time. That was extremely strange - when I was active in the disease, I blacked out often. One does not expect to have black out moments clean and sober.
What I can share is that like all else, fretting and worrying about them/this doesn't help me at all. If instead I can just focus on breathing and getting to the other side, they do pass and all is OK again. I will say that where you are going with your thinking and applying all the tools in recovery that seem helpful did make a difference for me - I've not had one in almost a year.
Hang in there, and know that if outside help is what you decide, there is no shame in going!!! (((Hugs)))
SerenityRUS said
Apr 7, 2018
Hugs Aline,
My oldest has horrific panic attacks .. there are a few things that he does to help him through it. In fact I got a text today asking if I had time to sit and talk for a bit. Which thankfully I am totally able to be present with him while he works his way through. For us that's a step in the right direction .. he's being honest instead of telling me everything is fine .. he's figured out that doesn't work out for him that way.
The biggest one is self care what are the intrusive thoughts that are coming and won't go away .. he's found a way to acknowledge that ok that's how I feel however it's not reality. So he does mindfulness .. I am here. I have 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes .. LOL .. you get the point it's a way to distract the mind. He practices breathing in and out exercises.
He has taken my suggestion of gratitude lists as well and making sure that he is doing a self inventory of HALT (being that he still has girl parts he does have to check hormones so his is HHALT). He addresses his needs and then goes and exercises .. something to get out of his head. I am a BIG affirmations person .. focus on the positive in that way.
What he's discovered and we have talked about is the panic attacks are related directly to the unknown and his fear of that. So here we are end of another school year and he's gearing up. At least he's aware of how he feels before one comes on now and can start to address everything .. I also know for him he's had way more contact with his dad than he usually does and that is a HUGE stress factor for him. One of my suggestions is going to be back off from dad until he's in a better headspace.
In terms of negativity .. I have to do a lot of self talk and letting go .. yes .. I can tell you 50 things that will go wrong .. and I counter that with what's going right. If I do self negative stuff .. I focus on asset list .. affirmations even if I need to tape them to the bathroom mirror as a reminder of no .. there is no need to walk down that dark path. I also make sure that my facebook feed has reminders of good stuff, I'm not looking at how great everyone's life is compared to .. these are sites that do prayers, positive sayings .. reminders that oh ya .. I can look at it this way .. however there are other options.
Panic attacks are awful ... even a minor one can make you feel like you are having a heart attack .. ironically while pregnant with my oldest I was highly prone to them however I had no idea what they were at the time .. I have only had one or two since then .. I do recognize anxiety now where I did not before .. it's really not a fun feeling to have.
Hugs S :)
Aline said
Apr 7, 2018
Thank you for your ESH, IAH and Serenity, I really appreciate it. (((Hugs))) to you, too.
andromeda said
Apr 7, 2018
I am prone to searching for the negative, as well. But, an old sponsor of mine once told me, "What if NOT?" I used to ask a lot of what if questions and the outcomes were always negative.
I also find that writing in a gratitude journal really helps. Even if I write down, "I'm grateful for shampoo." Whatever it is, I have to find gratitude and the sooner I can get there, the sooner my thoughts turn away from the negative. It's amazing what our thoughts can do to us, isn't it?
Most of my family is prone to panic attacks. I've only had one and I can say that I did NOT handle it well. My son used to have them when he was much younger but now struggles with anxiety and negative thinking, as well. Program is the best and it's really helped me see that I can choose to think differently at any point of any day. I do NOT have to stay stuck. Many times it's all about choices and reprogramming my thoughts to see a different viewpoint. It's not easy and it is a process. But, one of our mottos in Al Anon is "Progress Not Perfection". HUGS
Jerry F said
Apr 7, 2018
This is a great post for me the "learning" kind with measureable results. I didn't have panic attacks until a few years ago and after long recovery and the panic attack was the consequence of finding a "guilt and shame" emotion which I had never felt before and it knotted my stomach and I was in a meeting when it happened. I had never felt those two emotions and they came with thoughts and personal feelings from the "some how or when I was very wrong" about an horrible event in my life where I had badly treated a young man and his family. The self judgement was inescapable and the need to make amends strong and immediate. It would take two round trips from Hawaii back into California before I could and would sit with these two people after 21 years had passed. What I learned from them has served me ever since. Thank you God for all of the thoughts and feelings and lessons that came to me. My last two panic attacks were not so lucid and did help me remember the lessons I went thru with my sponsor and that they still work today. It always surprises me when I remember lessons just as they are mentioned by other members of this family. Lessons of humility work well most of the times. ((((Hugs))))
el-cee said
Apr 8, 2018
Your journey is very similar to mine. That coming to. Coming to see how I tick and kind of enjoying it and wanting to know more and more truths about me. Self awareness. I remember posting here a few yrs back that hey I'm still crazy and John the mip founder said well you've graduated from insane to crazy. That's an improvement.x
Aline said
Apr 8, 2018
Thank you very much for your ESH, andromeda, Jerry, el-cee. Thanks all for being a part of my journey...
Today is the orthodox Easter, so I celebrated with my family last Sunday and the one today also. Eggs, lots of food, a lengthy walk in very spring-like weather, and I rode my bicycle for the first time this year too. It was nice.
I have this "background feeling" of sadness, or unfairness of life or something, that I carry and have carried for most of my life, I recognize it from childhood, but now the blessing is I understand it is a problem with me, not the world, and I have tools to work towards being happier and saner.
SerenityRUS said
Apr 8, 2018
Good on you for your own self awareness. :) that is a HUGE step forward .. I always go back to Mr. Rogers .. what do I do with my mad .. it makes me wonder what do I do with (fill in the blank) .. those are win/win thoughts when they come to me.
Hugs S :)
Iamhere said
Apr 8, 2018
Aline - I am jealous that you actually had 'real spring' weather and could ride a bike in your world. We have snow falling...in April - just simply crazy weather!! I am so grateful that it's to be over starting tomorrow and we're to have a decent weather week here. I've not golfed in forever and am working on getting into a league as well as to the club a couple times this week.
I also applaud your awareness - it reminded me of the 3 As - Awareness, Acceptance and Action - seems to me you're working it well. Keep doing what you're doing - looks awesome on you!
Hi, MIP family.
These past days Im trying to redirect my thinking to more pleasant things often. I see how Im so used to negative thinking its like I dont know how to live without it. It seems maybe it doesnt really matter all that much what it is that Im thinking as long as its doom and gloom, and self-criticizing and stuff. I feel this awareness is a good step toward changing things.
I had a some sort of panic attack on Thursday, I think its my 4th in total, and this has in fact kicked me into at least trying to let go of the negative. I dont know why but in my head it seems I can somehow solve whatever negative if I just dwell on it for long enough. The fact that it hasnt really worked was not enough for me apparently. I am also considering getting professional help, but Im scared, and also Im hoping that working the program, doing the steps might render other help unnecessary, but that might be just my wishful thinking and desire to avoid going to my family doctor with Im having panic attacks line.
I found this meditation app on my phone that I really like so far, its called Pacifica, and the stuff there is pretty great, I think, so Ill keep using that too.
I bought myself flowers in a pot today, and managed to let go of negative thoughts / feelings of insecurity by not continuing to dwell on them but just acknowledging them and moving on. Its feels weird, but somehow I get the feeling that Im going in the right direction to get better.
Since the panic attack Ive been feeling pretty calm inside, on the whole, which is nice and after all serenity is what I want. But you know what twice a thought popped into my head these past few days that life isnt that exciting, really. :D. And yeah, it isnt when I dont create my own drama or get into others drama. I have read of others in Alanon sharing things about being addicted to chaos and drama, but I wasnt in a condition to appreciate that this applies to me also. I suspected that something like that might be true for me too, but couldnt really understand for sure.
All things considering, Im pretty nuts, but getting better s l o w l y. Actually, the longer Im in the program, the more I see how absolutely crazy Id become.
If you have experience with panic attacks, I would really appreciate your ESH.
Thank you all for being here, MIP is part of the gift of not being alone anymore.
-- Edited by Aline on Saturday 7th of April 2018 07:25:09 AM
What I can share is that like all else, fretting and worrying about them/this doesn't help me at all. If instead I can just focus on breathing and getting to the other side, they do pass and all is OK again. I will say that where you are going with your thinking and applying all the tools in recovery that seem helpful did make a difference for me - I've not had one in almost a year.
Hang in there, and know that if outside help is what you decide, there is no shame in going!!! (((Hugs)))
My oldest has horrific panic attacks .. there are a few things that he does to help him through it. In fact I got a text today asking if I had time to sit and talk for a bit. Which thankfully I am totally able to be present with him while he works his way through. For us that's a step in the right direction .. he's being honest instead of telling me everything is fine .. he's figured out that doesn't work out for him that way.
The biggest one is self care what are the intrusive thoughts that are coming and won't go away .. he's found a way to acknowledge that ok that's how I feel however it's not reality. So he does mindfulness .. I am here. I have 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 eyes .. LOL .. you get the point it's a way to distract the mind. He practices breathing in and out exercises.
He has taken my suggestion of gratitude lists as well and making sure that he is doing a self inventory of HALT (being that he still has girl parts he does have to check hormones so his is HHALT). He addresses his needs and then goes and exercises .. something to get out of his head. I am a BIG affirmations person .. focus on the positive in that way.
What he's discovered and we have talked about is the panic attacks are related directly to the unknown and his fear of that. So here we are end of another school year and he's gearing up. At least he's aware of how he feels before one comes on now and can start to address everything .. I also know for him he's had way more contact with his dad than he usually does and that is a HUGE stress factor for him. One of my suggestions is going to be back off from dad until he's in a better headspace.
In terms of negativity .. I have to do a lot of self talk and letting go .. yes .. I can tell you 50 things that will go wrong .. and I counter that with what's going right. If I do self negative stuff .. I focus on asset list .. affirmations even if I need to tape them to the bathroom mirror as a reminder of no .. there is no need to walk down that dark path. I also make sure that my facebook feed has reminders of good stuff, I'm not looking at how great everyone's life is compared to .. these are sites that do prayers, positive sayings .. reminders that oh ya .. I can look at it this way .. however there are other options.
Panic attacks are awful ... even a minor one can make you feel like you are having a heart attack .. ironically while pregnant with my oldest I was highly prone to them however I had no idea what they were at the time .. I have only had one or two since then .. I do recognize anxiety now where I did not before .. it's really not a fun feeling to have.
Hugs S :)
I also find that writing in a gratitude journal really helps. Even if I write down, "I'm grateful for shampoo." Whatever it is, I have to find gratitude and the sooner I can get there, the sooner my thoughts turn away from the negative. It's amazing what our thoughts can do to us, isn't it?
Most of my family is prone to panic attacks. I've only had one and I can say that I did NOT handle it well. My son used to have them when he was much younger but now struggles with anxiety and negative thinking, as well. Program is the best and it's really helped me see that I can choose to think differently at any point of any day. I do NOT have to stay stuck. Many times it's all about choices and reprogramming my thoughts to see a different viewpoint. It's not easy and it is a process. But, one of our mottos in Al Anon is "Progress Not Perfection". HUGS
This is a great post for me the "learning" kind with measureable results. I didn't have panic attacks until a few years ago and after long recovery and the panic attack was the consequence of finding a "guilt and shame" emotion which I had never felt before and it knotted my stomach and I was in a meeting when it happened. I had never felt those two emotions and they came with thoughts and personal feelings from the "some how or when I was very wrong" about an horrible event in my life where I had badly treated a young man and his family. The self judgement was inescapable and the need to make amends strong and immediate. It would take two round trips from Hawaii back into California before I could and would sit with these two people after 21 years had passed. What I learned from them has served me ever since. Thank you God for all of the thoughts and feelings and lessons that came to me. My last two panic attacks were not so lucid and did help me remember the lessons I went thru with my sponsor and that they still work today. It always surprises me when I remember lessons just as they are mentioned by other members of this family. Lessons of humility work well most of the times. ((((Hugs))))
Today is the orthodox Easter, so I celebrated with my family last Sunday and the one today also. Eggs, lots of food, a lengthy walk in very spring-like weather, and I rode my bicycle for the first time this year too. It was nice.
I have this "background feeling" of sadness, or unfairness of life or something, that I carry and have carried for most of my life, I recognize it from childhood, but now the blessing is I understand it is a problem with me, not the world, and I have tools to work towards being happier and saner.
Hugs S :)
I also applaud your awareness - it reminded me of the 3 As - Awareness, Acceptance and Action - seems to me you're working it well. Keep doing what you're doing - looks awesome on you!