So, I tried an online "listening: service... Well... let's just say the listener, while trying to be helpful, didn't understand the first thing about alcoholism and kept trying to get me to get him to rehab rather than talking about me and helping with my anxiety... SO I think I'll give that a miss in future!

Hugs, (((MizzB))), so sorry for your pain and anger. Its good you came here to let some of it out! For me the best and actually only help for my pain and all round craziness has been meetings, literature and more recently doing the steps with a sponsor, the latter much more healing than I could have guessed. How can I take care of myself at this moment? I like to ask this to myself lately when I feel down or nervous or tired but unable to go have a nap etc., as I often tend to put away my needs as less important than whatever or just think "I can manage"... I can't though. I am learning to take care of myself, recently also reminding myself to act as if I unconditionally love myself, having been reminded of the "act as if" tool here on MIP in one of the threads. I can't think my way to right acting, but I can act my way to right thinking - this Alanon saying has been on my mind of late too, and it really does ring true for me as well. Keep sharing and keep coming back. You are not alone. Sending you positive thoughts. The program works if we work it, it just doesn't happen as soon as I would want it to (which is immediately for me,ð, lol).

Thank you ALine. It's very hard to "work the program" when tired and stressed from other things as you've mentioned. I am also a person who wants everything to happen RIGHT NOW!! It's very hard sometimes but venting does help. ANd I went back to the site and talked to a couple of different listeners. Both were advice givers - which isn't what I want, but it was good to talk to someone non judgementally. So I may go back again. I"m also going to take my work up on their offer of someone to talk to and I will visit a doctor to see what they recommend. I"m very anti medication but I think I need that kind of help right now so it would be stupid not to take it. And then, maybe, when my neurotransmitters are firing properly again I will be able to hand over to my higher power again and get back on the program. THank you for listening and sharing. It means everything.

Meetings and a sponsor helped me in similar situations

(((MizzB)))

I'm glad you came here to post. I've found that some "listeners" are really "fixers" but if I need to express my emotions, I can use those services and then dismiss the attempts at "fixing". I really like that my Al-Anon face-to-face group has a phone list as well. I can call people when I need to talk, and I can be sure that they will understand the issues I am facing.

I can echo Aline, I wanted AlAnon to work, and start working yesterday when I started in the program. I am learning patience and letting things happen in their own time. It is not always easy. Making rosettes actually helped me a lot with this concept. If I rush, the batter doesn't stick to the iron and I get a mess, but if I am patient, the batter attaches to the iron, and I can move the iron to the frier. Then, with more patience, the batter turns a golden-brown and falls off the iron itself. I can then fish it out and set it on a cooling rack to dry, and sprinkle with powdered sugar. It always takes me a few tries to remember to be patient. At least with the rosettes, the mistakes are delicious!

My slogan for the month is "awareness, acceptance, action" I found myself stuck on acceptance, trying to jump from awareness to action, so I am really focusing in on acceptance as the key word in that slogan for me. I figure I'll be ready for action once I am done with acceptance, and I will know when I am ready to move on to that part of the slogan. But for now, acceptance. I accept that my wife relapsed. I accept that I didn't have anything to do with that, and I accept that her sobriety and her program is her own. I'm avoiding action related to that, because it would end up in me asking for a detailed report on her recovery plan, when her sessions are scheduled, offers to ride-share to her meetings... all those things are me trying to manage her recovery because I want it so badly for us both. And, experience tells me that when I try to help, I demotivate her. So, I step back, let her flounder and figure it out, and she surprises herself by her strength.

HALT...when we are hungry, angry, lonely, and tired...my experience is that those things take me way off my game. It is hard to "work" my program. But, "working" my program, sometimes, that doesn't bring me peace, serenity, or solutions. That's what I want, solutions. Not for the alcoholic, but for me. Then, when I get focused on what I want, I start to slip -- expectations, disappointment, and so on.

I spike up my meetings, I talk to my sponsor a lot more than usual, and I check my motives. I focus on awareness, and acceptance, and then my sponsor and I look at the next appropriate action. Bottom line, as bad as it may be with the alcoholic...if their situation is impacting me that much, then I know something is wrong and I have to keep looking at me.

At a certain point, I have to look at whether or not this is healthy for me, if this is the life I want to live, etc.

But, just for today, I do what I need to do in order to get better and get healthy.