Hi everyone, so happy to have found this board, Hopefully the 3rd time will be the charm with trying to post my introduction!
So here is my story, as brief as possible. My husband and I married young, basically right out of high-school, (hindsight, not a great idea) shortly after my husband started drinking and drugging, about 10 years in this had become a huge problem. I first found Al Anon then, however I was only trying to fix him, so that didn't go well. He did decide to get clean, no 12 step program, some limited out patient care, white knuckling, and mostly sober things.
Things went along, then back problems led him to a struggle with perscription pain pills, again became a problem, but again he decided to quit.
More recently he has been using medical marijuana (wax) again a problem, that I believe caused him to lose a great job, and many other things.
Here I am again, but this time, I want to learn and focus on me. I plan to eventually attend f2f meetings, but, for now read, post, and do online Al Anon program. I am working on step one now..phew...harder then expected to fully accept I am powerless over the disease. I know this obviously, but have to stop trying to imagine I'm not. I have so much to learn and correct about myself and my thinking. So much.
-- Edited by Finding grace on Friday 23rd of February 2018 03:00:19 PM
Aline said
Feb 23, 2018
Hi, FG, its great you've joined us :) Its great you are planning to attend face to face meetings as well, it is really worth it. There's help and hope in this program, as I've found myself. Welcome to the family, keep coming back!
Iamhere said
Feb 23, 2018
Welcome to MIP Finding Grace - glad you found us and glad you are here and joined in! The disease of addiction (alcohol, drugs, other) is powerful and progressive. I am glad that you want to focus on you - that is where things changed a bit for me. I also relate to the first step struggles - admitting powerlessness was not easy after perceiving that I was the glue that kept us afloat so I just kept practicing, practicing, etc.
If you look to the top right, you will find the 12 Step Board here - you can read and post (if you want) to see how the steps are worked by others. If you decide to join in, you will need to register again (use the same name or a different if you prefer) as it's a different area of the site.
Breathe in and be gentle with you. Recovery is about progress and not perfection and we all do 'it' as best we can one day at a time. Keep coming back and know you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery.
PosiesandPuppies said
Feb 23, 2018
Welcome!
I hear in your post some feelings of being overwhelmed at the growth YOU need to make. So take a deep breath. It doesn't all have to come at once. In fact, think of it more akin to peeling an onion.
Keep coming back, and find that F2F!
Jerry F said
Feb 23, 2018
Aloha Finding grace...I love that handle because it is/was one of the earliest miracles in my recovery life...so now you are a favorite. Powerless is a work in progress for this member and when I accepted the idea of powerlessness and then the actual condition I also came to understand humility as given by my sponsor..."being teachable". Glad to have you here ....welcome and stay teachable. I will turn your addict/alcoholic over to HP as I did my own addict/alcoholic and then focused on my own life and needs. She got clean and sober and my HP has used her as an example of humility for me. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
AnnieFenk321 said
Feb 24, 2018
Hi there, I am sorry to hear how you have been affected by alcoholism. I am glad you are here and good on you for deciding to focus on yourself.
This is such a big life changing step! I stayed stuck in the problem for many months/(was it years even?!) unable to see my part and focused on telling anyone who would listen about how my husband was ruining my life with his inability to hold a job, his irresponsibility and all my other complaints. I didn't see how I was protecting him from consequences and denying him the dignity of facing his own problems by acting like his very resentful mother.
Now that I have found Al Anon I have found an amazing tool kit for helping me navigate the difficulties in my life and also face my own self. I am still learning how to implement it and I am still relatively new, but I have found so much hope I could have hardly believed it when I started.
I like others would encourage you to get to f2f meetings, I have a hard time getting to there too, I have a two year old and my husband is in rehab at the moment so childcare is a constant issue. However, I find that when I do go, it gives me something intangible that gives me the strength to face the day.
All the best!
Finding grace said
Feb 24, 2018
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and encouragement! I found a meeting almost in my backyard ( mixed feelings) but they only meet once a week, at a time I am not currently available, however, that may change soon.
I do feel a bit overwhelmed, I need to just relax. I tend to have this need to over think things and get things "right" the problem with this is I tend to "decide" what right is, but also I have become so used to just doing things as I think is right. I also imagine that I am the glue that holds this family together.... obviously that is NOT proving to be the case!
I have created many problems for myself because of the way I have chosen to handle things. I need to figure out how to begin to sort this out, and make things better for me, while I begin to put the focus on my self and life, and hopefully remove this pressure.
Lyne said
Feb 24, 2018
Welcome Grace-A F2F meeting 1xwk is sure better than none! Hope you can attend soon. You have been affected by alcoholism as the rest of us. It ain't easy to heal but with alanon it is definitely possible. I was in a hurry to do the steps but I joined the board, found a sponsor on the board, then joined F2F meetings, and then did the steps with my sponsor. It was very helpful to accomplish that activity with another human being for guidance and feedback. In June I'll have 5 years in alanon. I have received so much help I couldn't even explain it. You just need to show up and be willing to practice what you learn. I'm a changed person! Progress, not perfection! Keep coming back, Lyne
SerenityRUS said
Feb 24, 2018
Big hugs,
So glad you are taking the proactive step to get the focus on you and just do you. It is so hard to watch a train wreck and allow it to happen. So much self discovery as to why I think the way I do in regards to alanon and what it is I want to accomplish through my own growth. It's really just an interesting process.
Congrats on taking those first steps, and just keep coming back.
Big hugs :)
Wolfie55 said
Feb 24, 2018
Welcome, Finding Grace.
Jen61 said
Feb 24, 2018
Welcome to MIP.
Jill said
Feb 24, 2018
Like JerryF, I like your name.
Did you see there are online meetings here? There's a link in the top left of the welcome page. You may find it useful until you can find an in-person meeting to attend.
Finding grace said
Feb 25, 2018
I did thank you....I was having issues unable to get in, but I guess it was the device because once I tried another one it worked. Thanks to all that have directed me to the online Al Anon meetings!
Hi everyone, so happy to have found this board, Hopefully the 3rd time will be the charm with trying to post my introduction!
So here is my story, as brief as possible. My husband and I married young, basically right out of high-school, (hindsight, not a great idea) shortly after my husband started drinking and drugging, about 10 years in this had become a huge problem. I first found Al Anon then, however I was only trying to fix him, so that didn't go well. He did decide to get clean, no 12 step program, some limited out patient care, white knuckling, and mostly sober things.
Things went along, then back problems led him to a struggle with perscription pain pills, again became a problem, but again he decided to quit.
More recently he has been using medical marijuana (wax) again a problem, that I believe caused him to lose a great job, and many other things.
Here I am again, but this time, I want to learn and focus on me. I plan to eventually attend f2f meetings, but, for now read, post, and do online Al Anon program. I am working on step one now..phew...harder then expected to fully accept I am powerless over the disease. I know this obviously, but have to stop trying to imagine I'm not. I have so much to learn and correct about myself and my thinking. So much.
-- Edited by Finding grace on Friday 23rd of February 2018 03:00:19 PM
If you look to the top right, you will find the 12 Step Board here - you can read and post (if you want) to see how the steps are worked by others. If you decide to join in, you will need to register again (use the same name or a different if you prefer) as it's a different area of the site.
Breathe in and be gentle with you. Recovery is about progress and not perfection and we all do 'it' as best we can one day at a time. Keep coming back and know you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery.
I hear in your post some feelings of being overwhelmed at the growth YOU need to make. So take a deep breath. It doesn't all have to come at once. In fact, think of it more akin to peeling an onion.
Keep coming back, and find that F2F!
Aloha Finding grace...I love that handle because it is/was one of the earliest miracles in my recovery life...so now you are a favorite. Powerless is a work in progress for this member and when I accepted the idea of powerlessness and then the actual condition I also came to understand humility as given by my sponsor..."being teachable". Glad to have you here ....welcome and stay teachable. I will turn your addict/alcoholic over to HP as I did my own addict/alcoholic and then focused on my own life and needs. She got clean and sober and my HP has used her as an example of humility for me. Keep coming back ((((hugs))))
This is such a big life changing step! I stayed stuck in the problem for many months/(was it years even?!) unable to see my part and focused on telling anyone who would listen about how my husband was ruining my life with his inability to hold a job, his irresponsibility and all my other complaints. I didn't see how I was protecting him from consequences and denying him the dignity of facing his own problems by acting like his very resentful mother.
Now that I have found Al Anon I have found an amazing tool kit for helping me navigate the difficulties in my life and also face my own self. I am still learning how to implement it and I am still relatively new, but I have found so much hope I could have hardly believed it when I started.
I like others would encourage you to get to f2f meetings, I have a hard time getting to there too, I have a two year old and my husband is in rehab at the moment so childcare is a constant issue. However, I find that when I do go, it gives me something intangible that gives me the strength to face the day.
All the best!
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome and encouragement! I found a meeting almost in my backyard ( mixed feelings) but they only meet once a week, at a time I am not currently available, however, that may change soon.
I do feel a bit overwhelmed, I need to just relax. I tend to have this need to over think things and get things "right" the problem with this is I tend to "decide" what right is, but also I have become so used to just doing things as I think is right. I also imagine that I am the glue that holds this family together.... obviously that is NOT proving to be the case!
I have created many problems for myself because of the way I have chosen to handle things. I need to figure out how to begin to sort this out, and make things better for me, while I begin to put the focus on my self and life, and hopefully remove this pressure.
So glad you are taking the proactive step to get the focus on you and just do you. It is so hard to watch a train wreck and allow it to happen. So much self discovery as to why I think the way I do in regards to alanon and what it is I want to accomplish through my own growth. It's really just an interesting process.
Congrats on taking those first steps, and just keep coming back.
Big hugs :)
Did you see there are online meetings here? There's a link in the top left of the welcome page. You may find it useful until you can find an in-person meeting to attend.
I did thank you....I was having issues unable to get in, but I guess it was the device because once I tried another one it worked. Thanks to all that have directed me to the online Al Anon meetings!