Which let's be clear I get into trouble every damn time .. ugh.
I had a comedy of errors go on over this weekend.
First was I had the nerve to go out with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in 6 months and my youngest had a dance. My poor boyfriend missed the whole parenting part of his kids because he played a very specific role and did it well. I happen to require a partner and that's a little shocking I think plus I have a life and I like to see my girlfriends and raise a little hell from time to time .. I absolutely need to remind the demon downstairs who is in charge .. lol. You know satan's spawn and all .. lol. I don't do this regularly and normally it's a weekend vs a weeknight and normally I'm closer to home.
Well, I had given long notice this was not nor should have been a shock. I had reminded both of them my plans. I made a calculated error which I won't make again .. I had the stupidity on my part to send a simple text of "how was your dance?" to my youngest. To which I receive the response "it was great! D's not here yet? The dance is over." Needless to say 7 years of single parenting kicked in (I know the math is wonky .. I have been separated for 3 years before my divorce was final in 2015, however living with an active A means it was all on me any way.). I was primary I don't remember a time I have not been.
As I am speeding down the freeway which I have not been on in the dark in forever .. I hate the freeways here to much construction and to much irritation with crazy drivers .. never in my LIFE have I see the stuff that goes on out here and I'm from California .. lol. I became one of those crazy people, trying to call my youngest who has 3% battery, my BF who is not answering his phone, and I did mention my night got cut short? 12x I called and 12x no answer. My youngest is fully aware of how annoyed I am, calls me back as I'm about 15 min from the school saying never mind, D is here. You can't be mad because he left his phone at home. There's me oh hell yes I can in my own mind which is now really mad because of my night getting cut short. I'm literally trying to get to my youngest, get home because I figure my BF is laying on the ground having a heart attack which keep in mind is the only acceptable answer for why he's not answering the phone. IF he's over slept and I get home and find him there is a pillow next to him .. we are calling 911 because he's stopped breathing .. even if I helped him with it!!!
So hearing that he left his phone which is glued to his hand usually is so not the right answer at this point and yes .. now I'm mad. So mad I don't trust myself to have a conversation because I am going to go off. So silence from me is golden in those moments. I get boy food. I wait until BF has gone to work for the evening and THEN I go home. I get boy settled and a little bit later I get a one line text .. "Sorry your evening was interrupted."
THIS is where my woman brain kicks into overdrive .. because let me explain .. no phone call, no previous text, NO communication .. what my crazy brain goes to is YOUR GUILTY!! GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!! Spell it anyway you want .. GUILTY!! My evening just got sabotaged on purpose. I did not respond because that's what my crazy brain does .. actually that is not a bad thing because I probably would have been in such trouble for my mouth and fingers doing the walking .. send is so not my friend. I just ignored him. LOL. That's the mature thing to do and all. I even slept on the couch, I was so irritated.
Well he knew I was not pleased about something and his man brain did not equate the fact it might have been because there was NO communication. As we are talking about this and I'm still irritated because this is absolutely the best way to spend my time and energy. It totally works for me (NOT).
As we talked about it I realized what an absolute ass I had been and I managed to do it all to myself. He made some valid points .. he's never let me down or the kids down. Period. He has always made sure he's been there and available for us all. He's never told me he's at one place and he's somewhere else. I do jump on some things where I already assume that all men are like my X and that's not fair. I am working on that. As I pointed out, I had fear .. fear I couldn't get to my kid first and foremost .. fear that something had happened to him because this was so outside his character and fear I was about to repeat 15 years of my life I had put behind me.
I pointed out, the first thing I had said to my youngest .. did it not dawn on you to get up off your butt and look to see if he was out there (of course not because there's an app for that .. lol .. that app was saying my BF was at home). Which was partially true .. his phone was at home however HE was waiting where he should be. I did let my youngest know .. get up .. go out and make sure your facts are straight. D has never let us down and unless it was an emergency there's no way he would. The second was .. did you not think to CALL ME .. well no .. because his man brain said the boy had called and he had no idea I was on my way home. So of course I knew what was going on and why would I be mad. I said avoider!!! LOL .. he knew I was not happy when he saw he missed 12 phone calls at that point CALL!! I would have been less angry and I would have gotten to the resolve faster.
He did ask me if all women do this and I said .. yes .. when unhealthy men happen .. the gut reaction is to respond not think logically. Based upon experience it's hard to let go of .. it did make me realize I really do tend to jump instead of taking time to think that I can take a breath and wait.
Here's the funny part .. ok .. funnier .. it was another 45 min conversation as I drove to the college to deal with a few things which is another story I won't bore with .. suffice to say I have to go again on Friday .. ugh. He comes around to .. well all this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't sent boy a text! So this is YOUR fault. I laughed and said did you seriously just spend 45 min working this out so you didn't have to own your part? His response was well yes .. I thought oh no dude .. I will own my part and my crazy thinking however .. I won't own the lack of communication that went on AFTER he got home and got his phone. I did take time to point that out. It's not about fault it's about where did the crazy comedy of errors happen .. UGH!!!
That was my Friday evening .. oi .. I'm going to be going out again at some point however I'm not telling anyone .. so there can be no missteps!!! And there will be no innocent texts asking how things went!!!
Hugs S :)
Aline said
Feb 12, 2018
Thanks for sharing, Serenity. I love how you managed to own your part and let your bf own his... This clarity is refreshing. Hope you have a calm week :)
Tude said
Feb 12, 2018
Oh wow, I could sure see myself doing that very thing! Great share! Hugs!
Which let's be clear I get into trouble every damn time .. ugh.
I had a comedy of errors go on over this weekend.
First was I had the nerve to go out with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in 6 months and my youngest had a dance. My poor boyfriend missed the whole parenting part of his kids because he played a very specific role and did it well. I happen to require a partner and that's a little shocking I think plus I have a life and I like to see my girlfriends and raise a little hell from time to time .. I absolutely need to remind the demon downstairs who is in charge .. lol. You know satan's spawn and all .. lol. I don't do this regularly and normally it's a weekend vs a weeknight and normally I'm closer to home.
Well, I had given long notice this was not nor should have been a shock. I had reminded both of them my plans. I made a calculated error which I won't make again .. I had the stupidity on my part to send a simple text of "how was your dance?" to my youngest. To which I receive the response "it was great! D's not here yet? The dance is over." Needless to say 7 years of single parenting kicked in (I know the math is wonky .. I have been separated for 3 years before my divorce was final in 2015, however living with an active A means it was all on me any way.). I was primary I don't remember a time I have not been.
As I am speeding down the freeway which I have not been on in the dark in forever .. I hate the freeways here to much construction and to much irritation with crazy drivers .. never in my LIFE have I see the stuff that goes on out here and I'm from California .. lol. I became one of those crazy people, trying to call my youngest who has 3% battery, my BF who is not answering his phone, and I did mention my night got cut short? 12x I called and 12x no answer. My youngest is fully aware of how annoyed I am, calls me back as I'm about 15 min from the school saying never mind, D is here. You can't be mad because he left his phone at home. There's me oh hell yes I can in my own mind which is now really mad because of my night getting cut short. I'm literally trying to get to my youngest, get home because I figure my BF is laying on the ground having a heart attack which keep in mind is the only acceptable answer for why he's not answering the phone. IF he's over slept and I get home and find him there is a pillow next to him .. we are calling 911 because he's stopped breathing .. even if I helped him with it!!!
So hearing that he left his phone which is glued to his hand usually is so not the right answer at this point and yes .. now I'm mad. So mad I don't trust myself to have a conversation because I am going to go off. So silence from me is golden in those moments. I get boy food. I wait until BF has gone to work for the evening and THEN I go home. I get boy settled and a little bit later I get a one line text .. "Sorry your evening was interrupted."
THIS is where my woman brain kicks into overdrive .. because let me explain .. no phone call, no previous text, NO communication .. what my crazy brain goes to is YOUR GUILTY!! GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!! Spell it anyway you want .. GUILTY!! My evening just got sabotaged on purpose. I did not respond because that's what my crazy brain does .. actually that is not a bad thing because I probably would have been in such trouble for my mouth and fingers doing the walking .. send is so not my friend. I just ignored him. LOL. That's the mature thing to do and all. I even slept on the couch, I was so irritated.
Well he knew I was not pleased about something and his man brain did not equate the fact it might have been because there was NO communication. As we are talking about this and I'm still irritated because this is absolutely the best way to spend my time and energy. It totally works for me (NOT).
As we talked about it I realized what an absolute ass I had been and I managed to do it all to myself. He made some valid points .. he's never let me down or the kids down. Period. He has always made sure he's been there and available for us all. He's never told me he's at one place and he's somewhere else. I do jump on some things where I already assume that all men are like my X and that's not fair. I am working on that. As I pointed out, I had fear .. fear I couldn't get to my kid first and foremost .. fear that something had happened to him because this was so outside his character and fear I was about to repeat 15 years of my life I had put behind me.
I pointed out, the first thing I had said to my youngest .. did it not dawn on you to get up off your butt and look to see if he was out there (of course not because there's an app for that .. lol .. that app was saying my BF was at home). Which was partially true .. his phone was at home however HE was waiting where he should be. I did let my youngest know .. get up .. go out and make sure your facts are straight. D has never let us down and unless it was an emergency there's no way he would. The second was .. did you not think to CALL ME .. well no .. because his man brain said the boy had called and he had no idea I was on my way home. So of course I knew what was going on and why would I be mad. I said avoider!!! LOL .. he knew I was not happy when he saw he missed 12 phone calls at that point CALL!! I would have been less angry and I would have gotten to the resolve faster.
He did ask me if all women do this and I said .. yes .. when unhealthy men happen .. the gut reaction is to respond not think logically. Based upon experience it's hard to let go of .. it did make me realize I really do tend to jump instead of taking time to think that I can take a breath and wait.
Here's the funny part .. ok .. funnier .. it was another 45 min conversation as I drove to the college to deal with a few things which is another story I won't bore with .. suffice to say I have to go again on Friday .. ugh. He comes around to .. well all this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't sent boy a text! So this is YOUR fault. I laughed and said did you seriously just spend 45 min working this out so you didn't have to own your part? His response was well yes .. I thought oh no dude .. I will own my part and my crazy thinking however .. I won't own the lack of communication that went on AFTER he got home and got his phone. I did take time to point that out. It's not about fault it's about where did the crazy comedy of errors happen .. UGH!!!
That was my Friday evening .. oi .. I'm going to be going out again at some point however I'm not telling anyone .. so there can be no missteps!!! And there will be no innocent texts asking how things went!!!
Hugs S :)