Hello and thank you to all of you for all your wonderful posts. Iâve been lurking here for the past few months and all of your wisdom has been a life line for me. I started with AlAnon about 6 months by attending meetings, reading various literature and listening to podcasts. But this morning, after I started the same line of questioning with my AH (will you drink at lunch? Will you come home for dinner? Will you please be home to play with kids?) which no doubt led to an argument and started everyoneâs morning on the wrong foot, I realized that while I claim to be working the program...I am not. I am still holding strong to the belief that I can somehow control the situation. I have said I am powerless over alcohol but Iâm not acting as if I am truly powerless. So today, I am truly and wholeheartedly trying to take Step 1. It is very hard for me as my whole existence has been trying to control alcoholâs hold over my husband and our family and my life. It may take me a while but I have to try for my sanity and for the betterment of my family, especially my three very young children. Thank you for letting me share. It felt good to write this out. Have a great day!

Welcome, Holly!

In a way, Step 1 was the easiest and the hardest step for me. My head knew, just knew, I had no control when my spouse was drinking. But I sadly thought I had some control over our home-life during the times that he wasn't drinking. Eventually, he drank all the time (lost his job), but even when he wasn't drinking, there was so much "crazy" to his personality. I just couldn't keep up anymore. So my way was not working at all for me! Then and only then did I realize that all my fixing, covering, and this and that, were just excuses... I finally had to realize that I was powerless over the disease of addiction, AND the effect it had on my spouse!

I am giving you cyber-hugs because you are a member of this group... the group that is affected my an addicted loved one. It is a rough road. But, thanks to Al-Anon, it is not an impossible road to travel. Keep reading, posting and coming back. Each time you will garner strength, learn something new, or just find support when you feel all is lost. In the end, you will find that you are worth it!

Peace to you today!

Welcome to MIP Holly - so glad you joined in and shared with us. Lurking here is also how I started and finally one day, I found courage to post....it's been a game changer and a gold star bonus to my recovery!

Awareness, Acceptance and Action - the three A(s) are what popped in my head. You're 'there' with your realization of how the morning went. I applaud your plan to work on Step 1 today and love that Betty pointed you to the step board. It's a great way to start - remembering as you go that it's all about progress, and not perfection!

Keep coming back - you are not alone!

Hi Holly and nice to meet you! Everyone here is such a blessing! Keep coming back:)

Welcome Holly!

I remember when I first started working step 1 and it took me a long time to embrace it with full acceptance. I thought I'd race through the steps and be done, as if when I got to the proverbial top, I could shout "I WIN!".

However, I found out soon enough that it doesn't work that way at all. At first I became discouraged... but then appreciative and grateful.

What changed for me was to go to meetings and discuss the topic with my sponsor.

The steps are part of my tool kit to take and use as often as I like and in the order that I need.

hi holly .. welcome .. It's suggested to work the steps with a sponsor and to make no life changing decisions for several months .. or until having worked the steps .. many reasons for that and it's worth the waiting for the understanding to grow ..

glad you came in .. alanon is a we program, not a me program and thank god for that .. me by myself in my own confusion anger fear obsession and more was not a great place to be .. when others come together; greater power growth & understanding comes as well .. hoping you will keep coming back .. along with offline meetings there are also online meetings for those nights we can't make it to face to face .. they are a help ..

relate to living with an loving an addict .. without spiritual help ? it's too much for 'most of us ..

Thank you to everyone who has shared and also to those that pointed me towards the Step Work board. I read the posts on step 1 and am looking forward to sharing. Have a great day!