My husband and I have been married for 2 months. He is an alcoholic. I was aware of his disease and was willing to support him during this battle. Due to a recent DUI he has begun rehab which he states he is ready to end his drinking. During his drinking binges he would leave for a few days, not answer his phone and when he did sounded like a crazed maniac. Now, him in rehab and me at work I freak out when I cant reach him in the mornings before rehab. I freak out if were talking and due to my bad phone reception at work the call cuts out and he doesn't answer for 5 minutes. I feel as if I am a jealous crazy person...but it turns me into a shaking ball of fear and unable to concentrate on my daily job duties. Is this a normal behavior for a spouse who has been through this?
SerenityRUS said
Jan 30, 2018
Hugs Reba, very glad you are here and I truly hope you will find an alanon meeting for you immediately. It's am unfortunate response to a situation you can't control. What alanon have me was freedom from worrying about what the A was or wasn't doing. Alcoholism and any addiction is a life long journey one day at a time. There is no quick fix .. there is no easy button. There is a way to be happy healthy and whole regardless if the drinker is drinking or not. I hope you find relief here and are able to get focus on yourself. Big hugs .. s :)
hotrod said
Jan 30, 2018
Hi Rebecca Welcome your reactions are normal for a person who has been adversely affected by the disease of alcoholism. As serenity suggests alanon face to face meetings will help you develop new constructive tools to live by, as you connect with folks who truly understand. Please come back here back here as well There is hope and help
Tude said
Jan 30, 2018
(((Reba))) Glad you are here. As suggested by the others, you are not alone and the meetings will help all you are experiencing. Keep coming back. Lots of wisdom and love here.
Iamhere said
Jan 30, 2018
Rebecca - I too send you a welcome to MIP message! Glad that you found us and glad that you shared. I also would suggest I can relate to what you are experiencing. The perpetual fear of the unknown, the anxiety and worry as well as the projection made me absolutely frozen at times.
I also agree with the suggestion of attending Al-Anon meetings. That's where I found others who truly understood and were willing to listen without judgement. They offered their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) and program tools that helped me better deal with the disease and heal from the affects.
You are not alone - keep coming back! There is hope and help in recovery!
ling said
Jan 30, 2018
Hi I had just the same. My AH was the same a couple of years back. When sober he was always on the phone to his alcoholic friend 3 or 4 plus times a day which took over our lives (enjoying putting themselves first) which they thought was acceptable being alcoholic !! and usually when we normally spoke to each other. So I was always ringing. In fact I have just found out he's back in contact with one of them - female alcoholic friend without telling me. (I was told he used to go round to her house with drink for her behind my back which I wasn't keen on). Don't know what to do . I've blocked her number (he's technophobic)
AnnieFenk321 said
Jan 31, 2018
I hope you keep coming back here and find meetings. Sending hugs sounds like this is a very difficult period for you. My husband is also in rehab but I am not able to call him at all. I see now in some ways that that might be easier.
Maresie said
Jan 31, 2018
Abandonment is a really hard thing to weather
I have had to look at not only was I abandoned by the now ex A to some extent I abandoned myself .
Having a spouse in rehab is a very stressful time. You are bound to have a lot of emotions like anger grief fear and more
The pressure to be supportive when you are feeling like that is very very difficult Al anon can help a lot There are tools that can be really helpful. Most of all being around people who understand where you are is very soothing
You deserve to have your time too.
The1975jen said
Feb 5, 2018
Normal, whose to say :) ? But you can work on you. If you aren't comfortable with how you are feeling then alanon can help. Just keep coming back!
Jerry F said
Feb 5, 2018
Aloha Becca and welcome to the family.. I hope you stay and get attached to this best way of finding and holding onto healing as a victim of alcoholism. "Alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with" was what I first heard and learned when I arrived to the program and while I was naturally doubtful of these new ideas and experiences I came to understand as time went on that it was very very true. Alcoholism has victims and victims touch and affect others.
How to trust? I leaned a method of "qualified trusting". I didn't trust my alcoholic/addict wife with and for anything she could/would not be able to give. That way I didn't set her up for failure either. Alcoholics and Addicts are not well put together in anyway shape or form no matter what they try to sell you or others do. This is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions (truthfully) so how do we learn to trust that?
My wife was an alcoholic/addict and I trusted her to be that regardless of how sad and crazy things came about. She didn't have a chance as success if I was expecting and trusting her to be sane and sober...no way...she couldn't do that so when she failed my expectations things were normal. When she got clean and sober I had a spiritual celebration...My higher power revealed what it and only it could do when and where I could not. My alcoholic/addict wife no longer was my Higher Power...she would never bet set up for it again.
Stick around, keep coming back and get to the meeting rooms and literature and old timers and more. You will find a normal much more fulfilling than you know. Prayers for you and for him. ((((hugs))))
My husband and I have been married for 2 months. He is an alcoholic. I was aware of his disease and was willing to support him during this battle. Due to a recent DUI he has begun rehab which he states he is ready to end his drinking. During his drinking binges he would leave for a few days, not answer his phone and when he did sounded like a crazed maniac. Now, him in rehab and me at work I freak out when I cant reach him in the mornings before rehab. I freak out if were talking and due to my bad phone reception at work the call cuts out and he doesn't answer for 5 minutes. I feel as if I am a jealous crazy person...but it turns me into a shaking ball of fear and unable to concentrate on my daily job duties. Is this a normal behavior for a spouse who has been through this?
I also agree with the suggestion of attending Al-Anon meetings. That's where I found others who truly understood and were willing to listen without judgement. They offered their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope) and program tools that helped me better deal with the disease and heal from the affects.
You are not alone - keep coming back! There is hope and help in recovery!
Abandonment is a really hard thing to weather
I have had to look at not only was I abandoned by the now ex A to some extent I abandoned myself .
Having a spouse in rehab is a very stressful time. You are bound to have a lot of emotions like anger grief fear and more
The pressure to be supportive when you are feeling like that is very very difficult Al anon can help a lot There are tools that can be really helpful. Most of all being around people who understand where you are is very soothing
You deserve to have your time too.
Aloha Becca and welcome to the family.. I hope you stay and get attached to this best way of finding and holding onto healing as a victim of alcoholism. "Alcoholism affects everyone it comes into contact with" was what I first heard and learned when I arrived to the program and while I was naturally doubtful of these new ideas and experiences I came to understand as time went on that it was very very true. Alcoholism has victims and victims touch and affect others.
How to trust? I leaned a method of "qualified trusting". I didn't trust my alcoholic/addict wife with and for anything she could/would not be able to give. That way I didn't set her up for failure either. Alcoholics and Addicts are not well put together in anyway shape or form no matter what they try to sell you or others do. This is a disease of the mind, body, spirit and emotions (truthfully) so how do we learn to trust that?
My wife was an alcoholic/addict and I trusted her to be that regardless of how sad and crazy things came about. She didn't have a chance as success if I was expecting and trusting her to be sane and sober...no way...she couldn't do that so when she failed my expectations things were normal. When she got clean and sober I had a spiritual celebration...My higher power revealed what it and only it could do when and where I could not. My alcoholic/addict wife no longer was my Higher Power...she would never bet set up for it again.
Stick around, keep coming back and get to the meeting rooms and literature and old timers and more. You will find a normal much more fulfilling than you know. Prayers for you and for him. ((((hugs))))