Hi one of the reasons my AH is in self destruct is that his son has disowned him and hasn't told him why. Nothing. SS is playing control. I want to send SS a message to say that his dad will die unless he rings him . Is it getting involved? He's very stubborn and unlikely to answer. He did not speak to him when he was in intensive care.
SerenityRUS said
Jan 28, 2018
Um .. I find that pretty manipulative .. that's their business to work out. Getting involved in other people's kids/ parent relationships doesn't end well for me. If your AH is that ill he needs to go to the hospital. He's not going to die because his son isn't speaking to him. It's painful .. it is difficult to understand .. however in my world no one has that kind of power over me especially my kids. He's an alcoholic and wants to drink his relationship or lack of is an excuse. I'm going to kill myself if you leave me would be a statement that would straight up have a 51/50 and a trip to the psych ward on the agenda .. no .. that's not ok. It's abusive manipulative behavior. I hope you will go to some online meetings and read alanon lit .. makes a huge difference in when I get involved in someone else's mess. Hugs :)
Aline said
Jan 28, 2018
I'm so sorry you're going through this, ling... Big (((((hugs))))). I've been threatened suicide by my ex-abf several times, and it was absolutely terrible. After months in Al-Anon, when such a situation arose, I called an ambulance, who in turn decided that police had to come instead. I had not been put in similarly terrible position since, thank HP. I later found out that at least that last time my ex-abf didn't even intend to kill himself, he admitted to just wanting to see "what I would do"....... That's my experience, anyway - take what you like and leave the rest.
I so hope you will take care of yourself in this difficult time... Keep coming back, there is hope and support available.
Tude said
Jan 28, 2018
(((ling))) It is manipulation. An alcoholic will find any excuse to drink. I hope you take this time to dig into the steps in alanon, get a sponsor, make as many meetings as you can. My XAG threatened to kill himself too if I left. There are just so many excuses they just never run out of them.
I found peace in here and the need to fix the A's in my life is gone. Yes, I have those moments but, the moments generally happen when I try to take back that need to fix or help in the wrong way. It is easier to catch now with all the support in here.
I had never heard the 3 "C's" before. They're a good reminder when we feel like doing something to fix....: I didn't "Cause" it, I can't "Control" it and I can't "Cure" it.
Hugs!
hotrod said
Jan 28, 2018
Ling anytime someone suggests suicide I always have called 911. If they refuse to go to the hospial then the police are called I would do this in your case
Maresie said
Jan 28, 2018
I think it is perfectly okay for anyone t9 've angry at an alcoholic and stop.soeaking to them. Everyone is entitled to their feelings.
Any rational person would agree with that.
Plenty of people stop talking to their parents there is nothing criminal about it
The ex A claimed he was upset by so many things his father dying getting run over (when he was intoxicated crashing his car You name it the world was against him.
Am anon can certainly help you with your feelings about having an alcoholic spouse. No one gets to control when an alcoholic drinks IF you want help al anon is available on line and in person.
AnnieFenk321 said
Jan 29, 2018
I have been on the other end of this kind of thing. My husband stopped speaking to his parents. They hassled him and threatened him and what started as him taking a break for a few weeks led to him staying out of contact with them for years. Their pressure made things harder for everyone.
It sounds like you are going through a horrible time. I imagine your son is too. I recently went to a great meeting, there is a lot of help there. Keep coming back here and I would definitely seek out meetings.
Calm Lady said
Jan 29, 2018
Sorry you are going through this, Ling.
In my experience, I have found stepping away from things that are not my business is always best.
Stops me getting dragged into insane situations.
An A will drink regardless. There aren't reasons why, just excuses used. Their disease will use any excuse to pick up.
Take care of yourself.
el-cee said
Jan 29, 2018
It can be difficult to grasp the damage this horrid disease cause the family and the son will most likely be pretty effected by alcoholism. He may feel the best course of action for him is to have no contact and I can fully understand that in relation to this disease. Alcoholism pushes people away, its very difficult for anyone to put up with the chaos and insanity of an active drinker. Anyway, the son is allowed to be where he is in terms of how he feels about his Father, his Father may need to live with the consequence. There's always hope, if your husband gets into recovery then he may well make amends to his son and this usually repairs relationships. Until then I would put this down to being not any of your business. Your desire to get involved may well suggest you yourself may need recovery and Alanon is the place to get peace of mind and learn helathy boundaries for yourself around what problems belong to you and what dont.
ling said
Jan 29, 2018
Hi had to tell him his dad was dying. I will not do anymore. I really wanted them both to go to alateen when they were younger but they didn't want to know me as they couldn't place me. They had an elderl sister who got involved. Anyway AH is unconscious most of the day and doesn't want help. I want to call the mental health team as he doesn't want to get better. He won't call anyone. Don't know whether to get him sectioned. It's scary. He may really object but he is dying
hotrod said
Jan 29, 2018
((Ling)) positive thoughts and prayers. You can call the mental health team and if he refuses help, then you have done all you can. I have been there and it is not an easy road.
I so hope you will take care of yourself in this difficult time... Keep coming back, there is hope and support available.
I found peace in here and the need to fix the A's in my life is gone. Yes, I have those moments but, the moments generally happen when I try to take back that need to fix or help in the wrong way. It is easier to catch now with all the support in here.
I had never heard the 3 "C's" before. They're a good reminder when we feel like doing something to fix....: I didn't "Cause" it, I can't "Control" it and I can't "Cure" it.
Hugs!
I think it is perfectly okay for anyone t9 've angry at an alcoholic and stop.soeaking to them. Everyone is entitled to their feelings.
Any rational person would agree with that.
Plenty of people stop talking to their parents there is nothing criminal about it
The ex A claimed he was upset by so many things his father dying getting run over (when he was intoxicated crashing his car You name it the world was against him.
Am anon can certainly help you with your feelings about having an alcoholic spouse. No one gets to control when an alcoholic drinks IF you want help al anon is available on line and in person.
It sounds like you are going through a horrible time. I imagine your son is too. I recently went to a great meeting, there is a lot of help there. Keep coming back here and I would definitely seek out meetings.
In my experience, I have found stepping away from things that are not my business is always best.
Stops me getting dragged into insane situations.
An A will drink regardless. There aren't reasons why, just excuses used. Their disease will use any excuse to pick up.
Take care of yourself.
It can be difficult to grasp the damage this horrid disease cause the family and the son will most likely be pretty effected by alcoholism. He may feel the best course of action for him is to have no contact and I can fully understand that in relation to this disease. Alcoholism pushes people away, its very difficult for anyone to put up with the chaos and insanity of an active drinker. Anyway, the son is allowed to be where he is in terms of how he feels about his Father, his Father may need to live with the consequence. There's always hope, if your husband gets into recovery then he may well make amends to his son and this usually repairs relationships. Until then I would put this down to being not any of your business. Your desire to get involved may well suggest you yourself may need recovery and Alanon is the place to get peace of mind and learn helathy boundaries for yourself around what problems belong to you and what dont.
((Ling)) positive thoughts and prayers. You can call the mental health team and if he refuses help, then you have done all you can. I have been there and it is not an easy road.