Years ago I attended Al Anon when my ex husband decided to go to AA. I learned a lot there; about his disease....and mine. Now, years later, my son is in his 3rd round of treatment for drug dependency/alcoholism and I realize I need to get myself healthy again. I am looking for meetings in my area that are at times I am able to attend but have not been successful so far. I know that f2f meetings are best but figured that becoming part of an online support group is a step in the right direction.
A little history: My son has OD'd twice and been through 2 previous in patient treatment facilities along with a couple stays in jail. And, like many, this Momma wanted to believe everything he said even when that voice in my head told me I knew better. I know it is time for me to start taking care of myself. My hope for him is that he can find his way but my need for myself is that I find mine whether he does or not. I'd like to say I've been able to detach through all of this but I haven't. That's what I'm working on now. I remind myself daily that I didn't cause it and I sure can't control it. Any words of advise are welcome. Thank you for 'listening'.
Iamhere said
Jan 16, 2018
Wendy - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you shared. So glad that you are familiar with Al-Anon and 'how it works'. I have 2 sons, both battling the disease, only ages of 25 and 23. You are not alone and it's good to hear you want to take care of you.
My experience is that when I really, really leaned into Al-Anon recovery, and let go and let God things began to change. A great sponsor and these steps helped me detach with love and to set up boundaries. On this day, to be best of my knowledge, both of my sons are sober - one 9 months and one 3 months. It been 10+ treatment centers, 4+ mental health centers, 15+ sober houses and a few visits to jail and prison that got us 'here'.
The journey was so hard before I found my tribe in face-to-face meetings. It's still difficult at times but so helpful for me to have support when I want to go backwards in my journey. I am grateful for where I am today and hope that my recovery has given them space to be where they are today.
Keep coming back - there is always hope and help in recovery.
hotrod said
Jan 16, 2018
((Wendy)) Welcome Alanon face to face meetings, as well as the literature helped me to regain my sanity as i learned to love my son in a constructive manner. Please do attend and keep coming back The 3 Cs are true
SerenityRUS said
Jan 16, 2018
Hugs and welcome, so sorry your kiddo is struggling it's truly an awful disease. I love this group there is always hope :)
ChangingTide said
Jan 17, 2018
Thank you all so much. I definitely intend to get to some meetings but knew that I needed to start seeing and feeling the help that can be offered in any kind of al anon forum. :)
Maresie said
Jan 17, 2018
Some people do indeed get sober after many rehabs. There is always hope.
There are meetings here. Give yourself a lot of patience in getting the right mix for your recovery. You deserve support.
Personally I think rehab is a very stressful time for the peoplle left behind. I really get the idea of taking a break from njormal life but yoiu don't get to take a break. You have to carry on. Then you are supposed to be supportive when you have your own feeli nfs of anger betrayal and fear.
I know there is not much room to express that in a rehab forum. You deserve to have the opportunity to express all those feelings.
LuvMySun said
Jan 17, 2018
ChangingTide, I just discovered this site yesterday. Out of desperation with concerns for my own son. It sounds like you and I have somewhat similar stories/concerns. My son is 28. His drinking is spiraling out of control. I am scared to death for his health and well-being. He has never seeked help or even admitted he may have a problem. Yet- I know that he knows in his heart of hearts that he does. My daughter informed me today he reached out to her to get the number for a therapist. His dad (my ex-husband since he was 3 years old) is a functioning alcoholic. My son craves his Dad's time, attention and approval. He didn't get it growing up. A few years ago His Dad discovered he (son) had good credit and had him take out a loan for a 4 wheeler and a side by side (so they could spend time together doing father/son things) we both know that didn't much happen. Then my son was sick (3 months out of work due to a botched gall bladder surgery) and his truck broke down-he just parked it til he had money to fix it and drove an extra car I had- well his Dad wanted to go on a big 4 wheeler trip to Sturgis- and only way they could go was using my son's (broke down) truck- he once more talked son into taking out a loan (10,000.00) to fix truck (and consolidate other debt for his Dad) anyway- sounds like I am "blaming" my ex- I guess I am, I know my son has his own problems. But I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. Thanks for reading. Kari
bud said
Jan 17, 2018
Hi ChangingTide - I'm glad you're here. I agree with Maresie that it can be extremely stressful when a loved one is in rehab. Go to meetings, get a sponsor to help find better perspectives and start working the steps. This program works! Sending prayers and positive thoughts.
ChangingTide said
Jan 18, 2018
Thank you Kari. Sounds like we both need to take care of ourselves and this forum can help.
Tude said
Jan 19, 2018
((Wendy)) You are not alone. Keep coming back, it really does work!
Years ago I attended Al Anon when my ex husband decided to go to AA. I learned a lot there; about his disease....and mine. Now, years later, my son is in his 3rd round of treatment for drug dependency/alcoholism and I realize I need to get myself healthy again. I am looking for meetings in my area that are at times I am able to attend but have not been successful so far. I know that f2f meetings are best but figured that becoming part of an online support group is a step in the right direction.
A little history: My son has OD'd twice and been through 2 previous in patient treatment facilities along with a couple stays in jail. And, like many, this Momma wanted to believe everything he said even when that voice in my head told me I knew better. I know it is time for me to start taking care of myself. My hope for him is that he can find his way but my need for myself is that I find mine whether he does or not. I'd like to say I've been able to detach through all of this but I haven't. That's what I'm working on now. I remind myself daily that I didn't cause it and I sure can't control it. Any words of advise are welcome. Thank you for 'listening'.
My experience is that when I really, really leaned into Al-Anon recovery, and let go and let God things began to change. A great sponsor and these steps helped me detach with love and to set up boundaries. On this day, to be best of my knowledge, both of my sons are sober - one 9 months and one 3 months. It been 10+ treatment centers, 4+ mental health centers, 15+ sober houses and a few visits to jail and prison that got us 'here'.
The journey was so hard before I found my tribe in face-to-face meetings. It's still difficult at times but so helpful for me to have support when I want to go backwards in my journey. I am grateful for where I am today and hope that my recovery has given them space to be where they are today.
Keep coming back - there is always hope and help in recovery.
((Wendy)) Welcome Alanon face to face meetings, as well as the literature helped me to regain my sanity as i learned to love my son in a constructive manner. Please do attend and keep coming back The 3 Cs are true
Some people do indeed get sober after many rehabs. There is always hope.
There are meetings here. Give yourself a lot of patience in getting the right mix for your recovery. You deserve support.
Personally I think rehab is a very stressful time for the peoplle left behind. I really get the idea of taking a break from njormal life but yoiu don't get to take a break. You have to carry on. Then you are supposed to be supportive when you have your own feeli nfs of anger betrayal and fear.
I know there is not much room to express that in a rehab forum. You deserve to have the opportunity to express all those feelings.
Thank you Kari. Sounds like we both need to take care of ourselves and this forum can help.