Hi everyone I'm new here. I'm very much at the start of trying to get some help and support as I feel we are getting to be in crises. My oldest son is alcohol dependant, he is 21, I would say this has been the case for 3 years. He has a good job and to most functions very well. He drinks every day, whatever he can get his hands on, he hides empty bottles all around the house. He is very depressed and only animated when drunk. He can be very verbally abusive, mainly to me. He has started to become incontinent following a heavy session. A few weeks ago he had a serious car accident where he hit a tree while drunk driving. His friend brought him home, barely injured. I phoned the police and informed them he had been drink driving, what followed was a horrendous day of waiting and the police never arriving and have written it off as an accident. He now has no car but has carried on drinking. He has so much debt and is very disengaged, does not open his letters or answer his phone calls. Am sorry this goes on a bit! My husband and I live a life of fear and anxiety, feel like we are waiting to have a call to tell us he's dead. We are constantly walking on egg shells and trying to protect our youngest son who us 9 from the effects of him. We love him so much but don't feel we have a relationship with him, he acts like he hates and resents me and like I am responsible. Am lost what to do....have asked him to not drink in our house to protect our younger child but he just hides it better. We are so sad, so desperate and so lost and don't know what to do. He denies he has any problem at all. I'm sorry this is long, thankyou for listening.
hotrod said
Jan 3, 2018
Welcome Elizabeth I can readily identify and urge you and your husband to search out alanon face to face meeting and attend. the hot line number is in the white pages and the help you receive extremely important to your well being .
Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. Alanon is the recovery program for family members and AA is the program for the person who drinks. We who live with the insanity of this disease need a program of recovery of our own and alanon is that program.
Alanon provided me with a safe place where i was able to break the isolation caused by the disease and provided me with new constructive tools to live by. Please keep coming back here as well--- You are not alone
Iamhere said
Jan 3, 2018
Hey Elizabeth - welcome to MIP. So glad you found us and that you shared. So sorry for the disease and how it's affecting your family. I too have offspring that are affected by this disease and it's a journey that's very difficult. I too encourage you to attend Al-Anon and give it a try. That's where I found support that understood and the ability to deal with the disease and heal from so much damage it causes.
You are welcome to attend whether he's in recovery or not. If you don't like the first group, try another. Go with an open mind and look for similarities and my hope is you also find a safe place to recover from the affects of this disease.
Know that you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back!
Tude said
Jan 3, 2018
Hi Elizabeth, welcome aboard. I hope you keep coming back. I just got back into Alanon after many years away. It has already begun changing my life. The people here are so amazing and it's nice to know I am not alone.
Jerry F said
Jan 3, 2018
Welcome home Buff. This is where those of us who have been affected by someone else's drinking come to share our recovery. Most of us attend open face to face Al-Anon Groups men, women and family and where we learn that most all of our stories are very similar. What is going on with you and your husband and child is normal in an alcoholic family. You might want it or expect it different however this is how Alcohol compulsion and addiction works most all of the time to one degree or another. Often times drugs other than alcohol are also included however it's all drugs. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical wo when you witness the insanity that's normal...not nice or acceptable just normal. Having him come after you with a vengeance is also normal; he is sick not in his right mind and still able to attack she who loves him most...it is easiest and he won't get much retaliation from she who loves him most. He might from his Dad but the disease will test that for a long while. Alcoholics are self centered and ego driven normally and that will keep him from honestly seeking help until he reaches a bottom where he can go no further.
The suggestion of face to face open groups is best as you will meet others who have been there and done that themselves until they accepted help. Keep coming back here also as often as you can as this is truly a miracle in progress. The family here is awesome.
Prayers and well wishes to you your husband and child and your alcoholic son. remember he is a sick person and not a bad one. (((((hugs)))))
Kez said
Jan 4, 2018
Hello dear one I have just joined this online forum from Australia. Please know deep in your heart that this is not your fault. Nor is it your husband's. As has been mentioned, and it was the best thing for me, by attending face to face Al Anon meetings, I was blessed with finding people who knew how I was feeling and why. I went to the first six suggested meetings and I was able to change my life. There is no other fellowship that exists than this wonderful group of people who can and will be there for me always and, it is worldwide and we are all connected by heart. Stories may be different but also similar. I felt connected from day one because people understood. I wish you and family grace and may you find courage in heart. My heart and thoughts are with you all.
Iamhere said
Jan 4, 2018
Welcome to MIP Kez - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in! Keep coming back - you are now a part of the family....(((Hugs)))
Tigger said
Jan 4, 2018
Hello Elizabeth, and welcome to our message board.
It is absolutely great that you've reached out for support. It is an isolating illness until we finally reach out to others in the same boat. Same thoughts as those before me in the posts...getting to some alanon meetings is the best support by far. Check out a few different ones a few times to find a good fit for you. Glad to have you with us on this journey to healing and manageability.
Welcome Elizabeth I can readily identify and urge you and your husband to search out alanon face to face meeting and attend. the hot line number is in the white pages and the help you receive extremely important to your well being .
Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. Alanon is the recovery program for family members and AA is the program for the person who drinks. We who live with the insanity of this disease need a program of recovery of our own and alanon is that program.
Alanon provided me with a safe place where i was able to break the isolation caused by the disease and provided me with new constructive tools to live by. Please keep coming back here as well--- You are not alone
You are welcome to attend whether he's in recovery or not. If you don't like the first group, try another. Go with an open mind and look for similarities and my hope is you also find a safe place to recover from the affects of this disease.
Know that you are not alone and there is hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back!
Welcome home Buff. This is where those of us who have been affected by someone else's drinking come to share our recovery. Most of us attend open face to face Al-Anon Groups men, women and family and where we learn that most all of our stories are very similar. What is going on with you and your husband and child is normal in an alcoholic family. You might want it or expect it different however this is how Alcohol compulsion and addiction works most all of the time to one degree or another. Often times drugs other than alcohol are also included however it's all drugs. Alcohol is a mind and mood altering chemical wo when you witness the insanity that's normal...not nice or acceptable just normal. Having him come after you with a vengeance is also normal; he is sick not in his right mind and still able to attack she who loves him most...it is easiest and he won't get much retaliation from she who loves him most. He might from his Dad but the disease will test that for a long while. Alcoholics are self centered and ego driven normally and that will keep him from honestly seeking help until he reaches a bottom where he can go no further.
The suggestion of face to face open groups is best as you will meet others who have been there and done that themselves until they accepted help. Keep coming back here also as often as you can as this is truly a miracle in progress. The family here is awesome.
Prayers and well wishes to you your husband and child and your alcoholic son. remember he is a sick person and not a bad one. (((((hugs)))))
It is absolutely great that you've reached out for support. It is an isolating illness until we finally reach out to others in the same boat. Same thoughts as those before me in the posts...getting to some alanon meetings is the best support by far. Check out a few different ones a few times to find a good fit for you. Glad to have you with us on this journey to healing and manageability.