Yesterday was a great day for me...Talked on phone w/my kids and other loved ones including my A brother

Apparently his bad arthritis is not so bad, originally he tells me docs want him on a rowing machine to help make him better, which was odd to me, and I also know that when he thinks he is in "deep doo doo" with me, he will exaggerate his symptoms to pull at my heartstrings...oh he is good at making minor aches and pains sound bad to get my sympathy.....Yesterday his "bad arthritis" magically changed from bad to his being in rather good shape, considering he is alcoholic....He did say he has one small spot on his liver, but actually hes in good shape considering his lifestyle......I never said anything and just listened...however I did sorta think "well maybe he DOES have arthritis to SOME degree  as he sleeps in cold conditions, gypsy like life style  and yea, drinking and aging added to that...yea, he could be dissipating.....glad that for now, its not so

THEN he tells me that he thought about stuff I said to him and so hes made changes:  He is NOW "rationing" his booze to cut back....he takes his BIG bottle and pours it into Pints and allows himself a pint a day....he starts in am and has a "nip" then eats big meal...goes to work, etc., lunchtime, another good "nip" then big meal....he does this throughout the day and follows it up with a big meal...I do know that he eats like a bear and perhaps that big appetite is what is saving him for now....I just listened and said I was glad he was "cutting back"  now how long will this last??? we shall see....but he sounded very good yesterday and very focused and determined on his "rationing".....I just now take him one day at a time...no expectations...Just enjoy the good conversations that we have and go with zero expectations of anymore than that...watching a loved one do his life this way is hard but I am getting way better at just stepping back...letting go of expectations...not taking any of this personal....being grateful that he is alive TODAY and no more fighting and resisting HIS disease....It is what it is....Don't depend on him for anything....Take what love he is capable of giving and say "thank you" for that...

ALL I asked of him was to be accountable to the folks who love him...BEFORE he goes MIA,  send me a text...TELL me so I don't worry....CHECK IN with me and let me know he is ok....but even with that, I know he will fail to check in with me....yea, its easier to give esh to others with an alcoholic loved one but difficult to practice all the program when its (the addiction) is in MY court...

Reading and sharing here, the esh I read from others and my own esh is "sinking in" to me and I am practicing this for me....I am not living with him and would not consider it given his condition...He wants to visit in the Spring...Boundaries will be set, big time if that should happen...I have a "no drinking' rule in my house...No smoking as I am allergic as well....I am going to take care of me, yea, I love him bunches, but I am taking care of me, prioritizing MY welfare....

as to his "rationing" plan, I think it is to pacify me and its possible, not probable that he MIGHT be doing this...

I was very happy with my own responses from this........Loving detachment!!!! I had no desire to try and change him.....no more expectations of him doing beyond what he is able to do....I just enjoyed the conversation, the laughter we shared AS IT IS, not what I hoped/hope it could be...Basically I am accepting not fighting/resisting the situation....

I learned a lot about me during this conversation which I actually enjoyed....It is a good thing, we live in different states...that makes it easier to keep my loving distance...but if I were back there??  I would be exercising boundaries all the same, not allowing his lifestyle to permeate my own.....He is never the violent type when drinking..Never scary or threatening and I am grateful for that because that would be a different thing....the oldest one IS an abuser and IS creepy and scary and NOT in anyway, in my life....I don't put me in harm's way..I hardly mention this older one because I separated from him years ago when he first got violent with me...I called the police on him, had him taken to jail and got a restraint order against him...He has hated me since and even has said he wants me dead for going into recovery and "sharing the family dirt in public recovery forums"  

I guess one has to respond on a case to case basis...If the A is dangerous by getting violent , it is clear I am not ever going to allow him/her near me and will do what I gotta do to protect me from them,  but the gentle ones like this brother is a different case...I am not gonna toss the good out with the bad by dumping the whole human being...I can and will just disconnect from the dysfunctional drinker and enjoy the loving, funny, compassionate, caring, generous human being underneath all the alcohol...I see I am not so black and white anymore....I don't want to toss the whole person over this one issue with him......

Every day I show up here, I learn something new..A new way to view this...It all relates to how diligent and consistent I work my program....I will not marry into this ever again, but I can, with my brother, "get along with it" as long as I work my program--honestly, willingly, open, always with the desire to learn and improve MY thinking 

He asked me to call him today and I will., after my nap...There is so much good in him and I choose to focus on that and not deny the "other part" of him  but to accept it as it IS--Not what I wish for it to be---AS I take care of me ...