Hi, working through my irritation with myself. Sorry if the post is jumbled, I'm tired and thoughts go several directions, I guess. Today was my last day in my current job, now a week ahead before starting the new one. Worked 10 hours, still didn't do all I wanted/needed (?) to make the passing of the projects to the new people understandable. Took home some stuff. I'm tired and wondering what can I do differently in order to actually get quality rest next week instead of working still. What I am expected to do is write down main things about each project I was working on so that the person after me has a basis to continue work from there. All good, except I will have to spend some of my free time finishing all the super duper totally have to do it stuff. Did a bit more than what was asked of me in order to appear better and some of my more chaotic projects would be a little less chaotic. Wondering what can I learn from this. That I'm overly responsible perfectionist, for one thing. But underlying that is my desperate and completely automatic need to appear X (good, kind, professional, responsible, you name it). This is it! Writing about it made it clear to me. Still feel like I HAVE to finish some stuff, though. I'd feel like a complete loser if I didn't. So that's my choice. Work after leaving work or feel like a failure. I suppose that makes me a slave of the circumstances, rather, I make myself one. I talked to myself right now (in my head), sarcastically, like my father does: oh, how good you are, what a responsible girl, oh oh oh (insert sarcastic smile here). I hate it when he does/did that. Made me question myself always, like - is he right? Am I just a pretender? Does he know what I think/feel better than I myself do? I'm gonna get a good night's sleep and ask my HP to help me understand his will for me and give me the power to carry it out. I feel trapped in a corner with this, I hope I get help. Thanks for letting me share here. I know I am not alone. I feel better already :)
Edit: Washed my hair, rested my tired brain, feel OK :) Tomorrow is a new day and I'll live it when I get there. For now, tea, soup and bed!
-- Edited by Aline on Friday 24th of November 2017 03:10:46 PM
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 24, 2017
((((Aline)))) chin up!
SerenityRUS said
Nov 24, 2017
Congrats and breathe :)
Hugs S :)
Aline said
Nov 25, 2017
Thank you for your support, PnP and Serenity!
Iamhere said
Nov 25, 2017
(((Aline))) - I can so relate to your post. I see a ton of recovery and inward focus - remember always that we are all about progress and not perfection. I hope today is a new/fresh day and know that I'm sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers! It is tough to let go of our old ways but awareness is a huge part of recovery and change - you got this!!
Aline said
Nov 25, 2017
Thank you, IAH, for your encouragement :) The day went OK, I have accepted that I'd rather face the consequences of working some after quitting my job than not do my part well. The work I imagined still looming over me in great big cloud is not as big as a feared (again!), and I've managed to both take it easy and do some work today. So grateful for the support from you all :)
Hi, working through my irritation with myself. Sorry if the post is jumbled, I'm tired and thoughts go several directions, I guess. Today was my last day in my current job, now a week ahead before starting the new one. Worked 10 hours, still didn't do all I wanted/needed (?) to make the passing of the projects to the new people understandable. Took home some stuff. I'm tired and wondering what can I do differently in order to actually get quality rest next week instead of working still. What I am expected to do is write down main things about each project I was working on so that the person after me has a basis to continue work from there. All good, except I will have to spend some of my free time finishing all the super duper totally have to do it stuff. Did a bit more than what was asked of me in order to appear better and some of my more chaotic projects would be a little less chaotic. Wondering what can I learn from this. That I'm overly responsible perfectionist, for one thing. But underlying that is my desperate and completely automatic need to appear X (good, kind, professional, responsible, you name it). This is it! Writing about it made it clear to me. Still feel like I HAVE to finish some stuff, though. I'd feel like a complete loser if I didn't. So that's my choice. Work after leaving work or feel like a failure. I suppose that makes me a slave of the circumstances, rather, I make myself one. I talked to myself right now (in my head), sarcastically, like my father does: oh, how good you are, what a responsible girl, oh oh oh (insert sarcastic smile here). I hate it when he does/did that. Made me question myself always, like - is he right? Am I just a pretender? Does he know what I think/feel better than I myself do? I'm gonna get a good night's sleep and ask my HP to help me understand his will for me and give me the power to carry it out. I feel trapped in a corner with this, I hope I get help. Thanks for letting me share here. I know I am not alone. I feel better already :)
Edit: Washed my hair, rested my tired brain, feel OK :) Tomorrow is a new day and I'll live it when I get there. For now, tea, soup and bed!
-- Edited by Aline on Friday 24th of November 2017 03:10:46 PM
Hugs S :)