I am married to a man who has been sober in NA for many many years until recently. When I married him, he was really involved in his fellowship and helping others. Over the last two years he dropped off and stopped attending meetings because we were living in an area that didn't have strong fellowship. I now realise now during this time he started drinking and shoplifting, as well as taking up a bunch of other "habits" which seem kinda okay from the outside, but he sneaks and lies about them a lot. One is consuming 4 or 5 energy drinks a day and taking money from our accounts to do it without telling me. Another is stealing and using tobacco products. He also has just started lying to me about all kinds of things and it is really destabilising me.
I have been listening to Al Anon speakers and really resonate with what they say, but I feel like the story I have is not necessarily relevant because my husband isn't in the process of drinking himself to death. My parents also drunk and it effected me.
I wanted to ask if it is relevant for me to attend Al Anon? I am not sure if the drinking is the "main" thing with my husband. Does it need to be?
Also unfortunately where I live there is only one meeting and I cannot start attending it for another month or so because of my husband's studies and me needing to be home to look after our kid during this time. Is there anything I can do or keep in mind that will help me keep my side of things clean while I wait to be able to get to meetings? I feel like I am getting sicker and sicker and I hate it. I would have left already, not because of him, but because of who I am becoming, but we have a small child and my husband is back in meetings trying and applying to treatment centers to get help. I want to give this a chance to work, but I feel so much anger and resentment and hate that I keep blowing up at him and I know that it isn't helping either of us and just makes our life worse.
Thank you for reading, I apprecaite that this board is here.
hotrod said
Nov 20, 2017
Hello Annie welcome good news- Alanon can help. You mentioned that you are a child of alcoholic parents so that alone would make you eligible for the program.
I am sorry that your husband stopped attending meetings and salute you for becoming aware of the unfortunate changes in yourself due to the insanity of the disease . Alanon will provide tools that will help you release the negative coping tools and replace them with constructive actions. Keep coming back here as well. There is hope and help
Iamhere said
Nov 21, 2017
I too send a welcome to you Annie - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I agree that Al-Anon can provide you with support and recovery! So very sorry for the affects of this disease - you are not alone.
Please keep coming back!
Lyne said
Nov 21, 2017
Hi Annie-I think you would find help in Alanon due to what the others have already shared. In my face-to-face meeting, most of the people are adult children of alcoholics. I didn't have Alcoholics in my childhood, but a raging brother. The damage done to me is similar to that of the ACOA's. I have the alcoholic in my adult life. And even now that she is trying to get better and has a number of months in sobriety, the damage to me is already done. And I was getting sicker and sicker. Now I get healthier as I continue in program. Why don't you give Alanon a try and then make your own decision, Lyne
AnnieFenk321 said
Nov 22, 2017
Thanks for the responses, I appreciate them all.
What is the best way to begin connecting with AlAnon if I cannot get to the meeting in my area? (as I said, this is only for one more month and then I plan to start attending)
Iamhere said
Nov 22, 2017
Annie - if you look to the top left here, you will see the schedule for online meetings. There is also a link to the meeting/chat room there - online meetings are a great way to start! If you look to the top right here, you will see a link to the 12 Step Board - hotrod (Betty) posts a new step every 2 weeks and you can get a feel for the 12 Steps and how we use them to look at ourselves and how the disease has affected us.
If you want to post/share in the 12 Step Board area, you will need to re-register - it's a different place. You can use the same name here or pick a new one - your choice. Al-Anon has tons of literature that can also help you - it can be found online as well as at local meeting locations.
You can also use google and see if you find any podcasts or youtube videos of Al-Anon speakers - it helps me to hear others share their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope).
Hi,
I am married to a man who has been sober in NA for many many years until recently. When I married him, he was really involved in his fellowship and helping others. Over the last two years he dropped off and stopped attending meetings because we were living in an area that didn't have strong fellowship. I now realise now during this time he started drinking and shoplifting, as well as taking up a bunch of other "habits" which seem kinda okay from the outside, but he sneaks and lies about them a lot. One is consuming 4 or 5 energy drinks a day and taking money from our accounts to do it without telling me. Another is stealing and using tobacco products. He also has just started lying to me about all kinds of things and it is really destabilising me.
I have been listening to Al Anon speakers and really resonate with what they say, but I feel like the story I have is not necessarily relevant because my husband isn't in the process of drinking himself to death. My parents also drunk and it effected me.
I wanted to ask if it is relevant for me to attend Al Anon? I am not sure if the drinking is the "main" thing with my husband. Does it need to be?
Also unfortunately where I live there is only one meeting and I cannot start attending it for another month or so because of my husband's studies and me needing to be home to look after our kid during this time. Is there anything I can do or keep in mind that will help me keep my side of things clean while I wait to be able to get to meetings? I feel like I am getting sicker and sicker and I hate it. I would have left already, not because of him, but because of who I am becoming, but we have a small child and my husband is back in meetings trying and applying to treatment centers to get help. I want to give this a chance to work, but I feel so much anger and resentment and hate that I keep blowing up at him and I know that it isn't helping either of us and just makes our life worse.
Thank you for reading, I apprecaite that this board is here.
I am sorry that your husband stopped attending meetings and salute you for becoming aware of the unfortunate changes in yourself due to the insanity of the disease . Alanon will provide tools that will help you release the negative coping tools and replace them with constructive actions. Keep coming back here as well. There is hope and help
Please keep coming back!
What is the best way to begin connecting with AlAnon if I cannot get to the meeting in my area? (as I said, this is only for one more month and then I plan to start attending)
If you want to post/share in the 12 Step Board area, you will need to re-register - it's a different place. You can use the same name here or pick a new one - your choice. Al-Anon has tons of literature that can also help you - it can be found online as well as at local meeting locations.
You can also use google and see if you find any podcasts or youtube videos of Al-Anon speakers - it helps me to hear others share their ESH (Experience, Strength & Hope).
Keep sharing here and keep asking questions! HTH!