My crazy emotions of anger feels like it has gone down, finally. I was feeling so angry and now I feel a sense of giving up. I can not change the alcoholic. I do not discuss drinking anymore with him. I just let him be. Drink, see if I care. I just have given up completely. He is drinking daily now and I say what ever, I do not care. He has missed work due to his drinking again. Not my problem. He was drinking the other night again and could not sleep and did not work the next day. This past weekend, I left for the weekend and did not come home till Sunday. I feel so much better. I came home to bunch of empty beer cans and hard liquor. I just left it where he left them. Not my problem. I did not put the empty cans and bottles there. I can imagine, he must went nuts all alone, talking to himself, going insane, screaming "demons and witches get out of the house", and talking to himself like he is going insane. I am so, so grateful, I left for the weekend and just had fun, doing my own thing. I did not have to listen to the insanity. I feel so, so better today. I have been listening to gospel music on line and that has been helping me a lot as well, keeps my focus off the alcoholic, I feel hope today. Yesterday, he called someone from AA and was to go to a meeting but was to tired. Not my problem. He has missed 3 days of work since he started a month and half ago, but again, not my problem. He knows he needs to get help and I am not saying anything anymore, I am so fed up with talking and talking and trying to help him. He knows what he has to do for himself. I am done, so done, trying to be there for him. He can die as far as I am concerned, I just do not care anymore. I keep thinking, I will be leaving, I am leaving this relationship, I am leaving, I am moving out. That is what is keeping me going right now. I have set spring as my move out date. He can drink himself to heath or get sober, I do not care. I am just done. Its all about me, me, me right now and what I have to do for myself. He can drink himself to death, I do not care, I do not care. I have become emotionally dead toward him. I have to think of me only right now. I feel good to finally say I am done and he can drink, I do not care anymore. I feel good today. I pray I continue to have this good feeling. I pray I will continue to stay strong. I can only take things a day at a time. My plan: is to remove myself the moment he starts to drink. GET THE HECK OUT OF THE HOUSE: LET HIM BE: Take care of me, go and have fun, get around people, get to a safe place. I am grateful today! 

Thanks for letting me share this.