Do Old Habits/Behavious Still Exist With A Newly Recovering Addict
listerine042571 said
Nov 2, 2017
I have gone through this same thing with my ex for the past five years. He just got out of rehab for 6 months and relapsed and re-entered rehab in June for another 3 months. I told him I didn't think he was ready considering he has been dealing with addiction since the age of 14 and he is now 46. I wanted to use a post that was posted years ago and wanted to know do newly recovering addicts who still talk about urges and using, continue with the same behaviors that they did during active addiction. I still question his sobriety at this time and I'm pretty sure he is back to using, even if it's not to the extent of what it was before. He is now with a newly recovering addict that he just moved in with this past weekend even after he went on to tell me that he loved me, I was the love of his life, and he wanted to marry me and no one else. He didn't have the decency to tell me the truth and while I was on the phone with him (speaker phone so that she could hear), I asked "How could you say all those things if you didn't mean it?" His response to me was that I was lying and that he never said those things. He treated me as if he hated me and told me never call him again. I'm not saying that he doesn't love this girl, but I feel she offered him a place to stay, since all his options were exhausted and I would not allow it due to the fact he was still talking of using. I still worry about his recovery and if he is making the best choices considering he has moved in with someone that he met in rehab and he is continuing to lie and manipulate to get what he wants. I hope he is doing well and I hope he is staying sober. Please read the following post and tell me to newly recovering addicts still continue with their same active behaviors. Please give me some advice....Heartbroken....
What Addicts Do
What Addicts Do This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do.
Quote: What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do. __________________
hotrod said
Nov 2, 2017
A quick answer to your question is a resounding "YES". Continued attendance at AA meetings, working with a sponsor and developing new tools to live by is what it is all about. Recovey is a process as as ours
Maresie said
Nov 3, 2017
Yes certainly newly recovered addicts behave in that way.
It is also pretty common for newly recovered addicts to hook up with someone. Then they blame their spouse for the disease.
The behavior being common is one thing. Then there is what are you going to do. One common refeain in alcoholism is #he is going to drink what are you going to do #
Welcome to this group. There is a lot of solace here, no judgement, no blame.
You can rely on this place.
The holidays are a hard time to be alone for some of us.
Hope you can let 5his group help you throug this hard time.
Trust is hard when someobe you live has decimated you
Nevertheless there are people here who have been in your shoes.
We all have in different ways.
Maresie
Jerry F said
Nov 3, 2017
From my experience in recovery on both sides of the issue; alcoholic and spouse/family member of alcoholics and addicts I can admit that "Old Habits/Behaviors continue to exist with all of us. We often times impress the suggestions, all of them, to work the program because it works when we work it and also our consequence is progress not perfection. Newly Recovering rightly suggest that a person doesn't have as much time in recovery or a best chance of recovery because old thoughts, feelings, spirit and behaviors linger and are entrenched. The often heard "Keep coming back, it works when your work it" for me is a best suggestion. ((((hugs))))
I have gone through this same thing with my ex for the past five years. He just got out of rehab for 6 months and relapsed and re-entered rehab in June for another 3 months. I told him I didn't think he was ready considering he has been dealing with addiction since the age of 14 and he is now 46. I wanted to use a post that was posted years ago and wanted to know do newly recovering addicts who still talk about urges and using, continue with the same behaviors that they did during active addiction. I still question his sobriety at this time and I'm pretty sure he is back to using, even if it's not to the extent of what it was before. He is now with a newly recovering addict that he just moved in with this past weekend even after he went on to tell me that he loved me, I was the love of his life, and he wanted to marry me and no one else. He didn't have the decency to tell me the truth and while I was on the phone with him (speaker phone so that she could hear), I asked "How could you say all those things if you didn't mean it?" His response to me was that I was lying and that he never said those things. He treated me as if he hated me and told me never call him again. I'm not saying that he doesn't love this girl, but I feel she offered him a place to stay, since all his options were exhausted and I would not allow it due to the fact he was still talking of using. I still worry about his recovery and if he is making the best choices considering he has moved in with someone that he met in rehab and he is continuing to lie and manipulate to get what he wants. I hope he is doing well and I hope he is staying sober. Please read the following post and tell me to newly recovering addicts still continue with their same active behaviors. Please give me some advice....Heartbroken....
What Addicts Do
What Addicts Do
This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do.
Quote:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Yes certainly newly recovered addicts behave in that way.
It is also pretty common for newly recovered addicts to hook up with someone. Then they blame their spouse for the disease.
The behavior being common is one thing. Then there is what are you going to do. One common refeain in alcoholism is #he is going to drink what are you going to do #
Welcome to this group. There is a lot of solace here, no judgement, no blame.
You can rely on this place.
The holidays are a hard time to be alone for some of us.
Hope you can let 5his group help you throug this hard time.
Trust is hard when someobe you live has decimated you
Nevertheless there are people here who have been in your shoes.
We all have in different ways.
Maresie
From my experience in recovery on both sides of the issue; alcoholic and spouse/family member of alcoholics and addicts I can admit that "Old Habits/Behaviors continue to exist with all of us. We often times impress the suggestions, all of them, to work the program because it works when we work it and also our consequence is progress not perfection. Newly Recovering rightly suggest that a person doesn't have as much time in recovery or a best chance of recovery because old thoughts, feelings, spirit and behaviors linger and are entrenched. The often heard "Keep coming back, it works when your work it" for me is a best suggestion. ((((hugs))))