i broke up with an alcohlic. end of story. He calls. Sometimes I answer. Most not. I text him sometimes as well as he texts me. I can't cut it off clean. I know he is bad for me . I tell him we won't get back together unless he stops drinking. Lol. He won't of course. So why am I even trying to help him or make it ok again? just wrong. And to think he can change? No. So what the H***. Is wrong with me. We were so great without alcohol. I gave ultimatum. He moved out. I moved into place free from him but we had a connection. For two years. So it's hard to disconnect. Any suggestions. I want to block number and never look back but I can't yet?:(
SerenityRUS said
Nov 1, 2017
Hugs,
JBF welcome and I hope you will keep coming back to figure out why it is you need this connection and what changes you want to make. Nothing changes if nothing changes this includes personal growth.
I thought there was something lacking in me that my XAH would not love me back the way I wanted him to and the reality was we were both very broken people at that point and time. Alanon helped me through an awful break up and divorce as well as bringing me into the person was derailed from becoming early on in life.
Keep coming back and it really does get better however you have to participate in that there is no magic wand.
Hugs S :)
_bunny_ said
Nov 1, 2017
Welcome JBF490, Alanon is a recovery program for the friends and family of alcoholics. Youre not alone, I live with my active AH (alcoholic husband) and I too can feel torn and disconnected. The members of the program have taught me through the sharing of their own experiences of what works and what doesnt. I can share with you that for me Ive blocked my AH for my own peace and serenity, especially when hes actively drinking because what he says is usually illogical to me, so I choose not to engage. What has also worked for me is attending meetings, face to face and online, reading our conference approved literature and sharing with other members. I can also share that today I can find so much to be grateful for even if my alcoholic drinks or not. I hope this helps and I hope you keep coming back, (((hugs))).
Iamhere said
Nov 1, 2017
I too send a warm welcome to you JBF490 - glad you found us and glad that you shared. I too would recommend finding and attending Al-Anon meetings in your area. That is the only place I found support from others who really understand what it's like to live with or love an Alcoholic.
It is my safe place to share without filters and to feel heard without judgement or advice. Working the program helped me to see and work on my issues that allowed me to be lost in the disease with the A. I now get a daily reprieve from the affects of the disease when I practice the program as best I can.
Please keep coming back and know you are not alone! There is hope and help in recovery!
hotrod said
Nov 1, 2017
Welcome JBF, you have received great suggestions so please do search out alanon meetings and attend. Keep coming back here as well as there is hope .
PosiesandPuppies said
Nov 1, 2017
Welcome! Al-Anon does help you to understand why YOU do the things you do... just be patient with yourself... the things you want to know may not come right away!
Keep coming back!
mamalioness said
Nov 1, 2017
I like what Serenity says about "two broken people" that was me before program..so how could I take healthy care of me when iwas broken?? much less interact with another who is broken
its hard to let go...to give up and step away....REAL self care is not easy...tough decisions...hard to cut that final chord because we "remember the good times" and we had "invested" ourselves in this person.....tough but working program, relating with others in program helps us FIRST come to know and to love US...and that healthy self love radiates out when we cut someone loose, with love and prayers and tell them either out loud or silently that, our paths are different....you can love them, but also walk your own separate path...I had to do it with many people who were just toxic for me and my progress....when having dificulties letting someone go, I just ask me "do I want to be on their path?? where they are at???" "where do I want to be at in a year--5 years???" step 10 comes in real handy and always regular step 4 keeps me honest about me, my expectations (are they realistic or not) and also who I am NOW and where I want to be at from here on in
Aerin said
Nov 1, 2017
good thought mamalioness... do i want to be on their path? no :(
Original poster.. I am just out of a 5yr relationship. harder than I thought moving on (even from a messed up relationship like I had)
Jerry F said
Nov 1, 2017
Welcome JoBeth and sharing some compassion and empathy with you as another victim of the disease of alcoholism. If you haven't found the hotline number to Al-Anon or any other method to hook up with them try the white pages of your local telephone book or even the information department of the medical offices and such...we are around the earth...thank God. One of your statements, "I can't cut it off clean with him" reminded me of a face to face lesson with my sponsor in program. He would make suggestions based upon his own experiences, strengths and hopes and I would respond, "I can't do....(such and such)" until he clarified for me, "It isn't that you can't do it...it is that you won't do it" and he was right. The fear aspects of this disease on the victims of it can keep us paralyzed from doing something different rather than the "same things over and over again while expecting different results (insanity)". MIP maybe different for you and I hope you keep coming back and checking in with the others...new comers and old timers. ((((hugs))))
i broke up with an alcohlic. end of story. He calls. Sometimes I answer. Most not. I text him sometimes as well as he texts me. I can't cut it off clean. I know he is bad for me . I tell him we won't get back together unless he stops drinking. Lol. He won't of course. So why am I even trying to help him or make it ok again? just wrong. And to think he can change? No. So what the H***. Is wrong with me. We were so great without alcohol. I gave ultimatum. He moved out. I moved into place free from him but we had a connection. For two years. So it's hard to disconnect. Any suggestions. I want to block number and never look back but I can't yet?:(
JBF welcome and I hope you will keep coming back to figure out why it is you need this connection and what changes you want to make. Nothing changes if nothing changes this includes personal growth.
I thought there was something lacking in me that my XAH would not love me back the way I wanted him to and the reality was we were both very broken people at that point and time. Alanon helped me through an awful break up and divorce as well as bringing me into the person was derailed from becoming early on in life.
Keep coming back and it really does get better however you have to participate in that there is no magic wand.
Hugs S :)
It is my safe place to share without filters and to feel heard without judgement or advice. Working the program helped me to see and work on my issues that allowed me to be lost in the disease with the A. I now get a daily reprieve from the affects of the disease when I practice the program as best I can.
Please keep coming back and know you are not alone! There is hope and help in recovery!
Keep coming back!
I like what Serenity says about "two broken people" that was me before program..so how could I take healthy care of me when iwas broken?? much less interact with another who is broken
its hard to let go...to give up and step away....REAL self care is not easy...tough decisions...hard to cut that final chord because we "remember the good times" and we had "invested" ourselves in this person.....tough but working program, relating with others in program helps us FIRST come to know and to love US...and that healthy self love radiates out when we cut someone loose, with love and prayers and tell them either out loud or silently that, our paths are different....you can love them, but also walk your own separate path...I had to do it with many people who were just toxic for me and my progress....when having dificulties letting someone go, I just ask me "do I want to be on their path?? where they are at???" "where do I want to be at in a year--5 years???" step 10 comes in real handy and always regular step 4 keeps me honest about me, my expectations (are they realistic or not) and also who I am NOW and where I want to be at from here on in
Welcome JoBeth and sharing some compassion and empathy with you as another victim of the disease of alcoholism. If you haven't found the hotline number to Al-Anon or any other method to hook up with them try the white pages of your local telephone book or even the information department of the medical offices and such...we are around the earth...thank God. One of your statements, "I can't cut it off clean with him" reminded me of a face to face lesson with my sponsor in program. He would make suggestions based upon his own experiences, strengths and hopes and I would respond, "I can't do....(such and such)" until he clarified for me, "It isn't that you can't do it...it is that you won't do it" and he was right. The fear aspects of this disease on the victims of it can keep us paralyzed from doing something different rather than the "same things over and over again while expecting different results (insanity)". MIP maybe different for you and I hope you keep coming back and checking in with the others...new comers and old timers. ((((hugs))))