I'm not sure what I should be doing right at this moment. This morning has started off with a feeling of fighting a losin battle.
I decided I'm going to work the steps, grabbed a notebook, when to step one, wrote down the questions, and started to answer. Well doesn't that just suck when you have to be honest with yourself!
I thought I was at a point where I accepted I can not control another persons behavior. I'm so far from there. I may be very good at lending my shoulder to those around me when they are faced with someone's off behavior (be it at work, a friend etc). But when it comes to me, I do want everything to be just so at home. Outside my home, I have accepted that people with always have different thoughts and behaviors than me and perfectly fine. They can go their merry way as will I. At home, its completely different. Why can't I get those close to me to understand what is going on, to listen, change thier behaviors. Why do I need to control? Hanging on to that little bit of what I think is control (even though AH is doing what he wants when he wants, hiding his drinking, treating everyone in the house like garbage) I don't have to admit my life is out of control.
Control sucks!
hotrod said
Oct 30, 2017
I agree, attempting to control the uncontrollable really does suck. i was told that if I find myself lost in the forest, it simply takes 12 Steps to move out. Working the Steps is the solution
Iamhere said
Oct 30, 2017
(((Curly))) - Great share and I can relate. I too was more able to 'let go' of outside things first. I am reminded from your post of the three As - Awareness, Acceptance and Action - you are there even if you doubt it! Just keep moving forward - one step/one moment at a time!
Maresie25 said
Oct 30, 2017
I would have to say that even in my home there are opportunities for insanity. I live on my own currently but certainly there are lots of issues that can come in an affect my life.
I do my best but I am powerless over some of them.
My expectations in an alcoholic relationship, dysfunctional family were way way out of whack.
I actually expected them to care about me!
The role that any alcoholic I know has in my life is no longer a pivotable one.
Even at work, which let's face it I depend on for my livelihood, I have a pretty low expectation. I no longer expect any one to notice I do a great job.
All my self worth used to be outside of myself. These days it is mainly within my own control.
Self care is new to some of us.
SerenityRUS said
Oct 30, 2017
Hugs,
With every step I have taken backwards I come out stronger on the other side mostly because I find out more stuff about me.
There is always a new lesson.
Sometimes I gotta kick my program out the window examine it and figure out what is working and toss what is not. I think that's the only way I can continue to grow.
Anyway, good for you that you had that awareness are you are willing to do something different that's a big deal.
I'm not sure what I should be doing right at this moment. This morning has started off with a feeling of fighting a losin battle.
I decided I'm going to work the steps, grabbed a notebook, when to step one, wrote down the questions, and started to answer. Well doesn't that just suck when you have to be honest with yourself!
I thought I was at a point where I accepted I can not control another persons behavior. I'm so far from there. I may be very good at lending my shoulder to those around me when they are faced with someone's off behavior (be it at work, a friend etc). But when it comes to me, I do want everything to be just so at home. Outside my home, I have accepted that people with always have different thoughts and behaviors than me and perfectly fine. They can go their merry way as will I. At home, its completely different. Why can't I get those close to me to understand what is going on, to listen, change thier behaviors. Why do I need to control? Hanging on to that little bit of what I think is control (even though AH is doing what he wants when he wants, hiding his drinking, treating everyone in the house like garbage) I don't have to admit my life is out of control.
Control sucks!
I would have to say that even in my home there are opportunities for insanity. I live on my own currently but certainly there are lots of issues that can come in an affect my life.
I do my best but I am powerless over some of them.
My expectations in an alcoholic relationship, dysfunctional family were way way out of whack.
I actually expected them to care about me!
The role that any alcoholic I know has in my life is no longer a pivotable one.
Even at work, which let's face it I depend on for my livelihood, I have a pretty low expectation. I no longer expect any one to notice I do a great job.
All my self worth used to be outside of myself. These days it is mainly within my own control.
Self care is new to some of us.
With every step I have taken backwards I come out stronger on the other side mostly because I find out more stuff about me.
There is always a new lesson.
Sometimes I gotta kick my program out the window examine it and figure out what is working and toss what is not. I think that's the only way I can continue to grow.
Anyway, good for you that you had that awareness are you are willing to do something different that's a big deal.
Hugs S :)