Coping with a sober alcoholic: The writer discusses the expectations that were not met when the alcoholic he/she loved got sober. Some things became worse. The writer learned that he did not have to react with anger or claim to be right. He learned that he can detach and not doubt himself.
The reminder points out that there are many tools for coping including the Serenity Prayer, remembering to carry a QTIP, changing the topic, or calling on his sponsor.
Quote from ...In All Our Affairs: We may never have the choices we would have if we were writing the script, but we always have choices.
My own situation at this moment in time is that my A spouse is sober 6 months but with no alcohol treatment. She does see an addiction counselor for other addictions and we go together as well. Do I wish she was in AA? Heck yes. Am I able to control her decisions? Heck no! Are things truly better? Definitely. Could things really move forward if she made other choices? I believe so. So am I stuck? No. I con't with alanon's help for me. I have made some very strong and positive decisions and I feel free in many respects. I am not angry at our present reality because I have also learned to take it easy, keep it simple, live and let live, let go and let God, and ODAT. I remain a grateful member of alanon, Lyne
bettyk said
Oct 22, 2017
Hello Lyne This is an important reminder and one I needed to embrace as I began to work this important program. Learning how to examine my motives, recognize my unrealistic expectations and then become willing to detach, live and let live with compassion, empathy and serenity Letting go was not always easy but meetings, a sponsor and alanon calls really reinforced my decision .
Thanks for your service.
mamalioness said
Oct 22, 2017
WOW, Lyne, you are a story of successful living with an A...It CAN be done with a lot of work....I guess, for me, at this stage in my life, I am just burned out having high maintenance people in my life....I loved and still love my AH#2 but would never do it again with another...we had our good times, and our bad times...He was a good guy...I wish so much I had just GONE to Al-anon , anyway, and tho I do believe I would have ended up leaving, anyway, because I wanted to be in a better place, not doing end of life care for an active Alcohollic, I wish I had had Al-anon because the time we had wold have been a whole lot less stressful for me....it is what it is..Can't re-wind the past...I am just glad i am here, working on me, trying to be better and be in a better place....As I contemplate moving out of here and closer to my family whats left of it and my BFF, I am looking at my limitations and thinking "ok if this is meant??? somehow the universe will pave the way" in the meantime?? work on my program day to day, seek being in a better place with in me....and let what is to be, be...
I applaud those who put their noses to the grindstone of Al-anon and can find joy and peace, living with an alcoholic.....Glad she is sober...and I loved what you said at the end of your post.....GREAT share and thank you for your service...
Iamhere said
Oct 23, 2017
Thank you Lyne for the daily and for your service. Thank you for the ESH above me.
I am 'avoiding' early recovery in my sons as much as possible as I don't 'see' me adding any value. They are angry young men with the same HP I have and I have hope all things will continue to improve with time/recovery/HP.
I know that impatience is a character defect that can pop up fast for me. Using this program, the tools and slogans really help me keep it at bay and stay more serene. My best prayers are for God's will to prevail - in all my affairs and those of others I love.
Recovery has given me a new set of lenses. It's my job to put them on each morning and to use them to see the path, just for today. I am grateful that just for today, I have a program, great friends, and a spiritual journey that allows me grace and growth each day.
Happy Monday to one and all - planning a taco night with my program tribe for tonight! We enjoy fellowship beyond our meeting location when we can! Make it a great day!
Coping with a sober alcoholic: The writer discusses the expectations that were not met when the alcoholic he/she loved got sober. Some things became worse. The writer learned that he did not have to react with anger or claim to be right. He learned that he can detach and not doubt himself.
The reminder points out that there are many tools for coping including the Serenity Prayer, remembering to carry a QTIP, changing the topic, or calling on his sponsor.
Quote from ...In All Our Affairs: We may never have the choices we would have if we were writing the script, but we always have choices.
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My own situation at this moment in time is that my A spouse is sober 6 months but with no alcohol treatment. She does see an addiction counselor for other addictions and we go together as well. Do I wish she was in AA? Heck yes. Am I able to control her decisions? Heck no! Are things truly better? Definitely. Could things really move forward if she made other choices? I believe so. So am I stuck? No. I con't with alanon's help for me. I have made some very strong and positive decisions and I feel free in many respects. I am not angry at our present reality because I have also learned to take it easy, keep it simple, live and let live, let go and let God, and ODAT. I remain a grateful member of alanon, Lyne
Thanks for your service.
WOW, Lyne, you are a story of successful living with an A...It CAN be done with a lot of work....I guess, for me, at this stage in my life, I am just burned out having high maintenance people in my life....I loved and still love my AH#2 but would never do it again with another...we had our good times, and our bad times...He was a good guy...I wish so much I had just GONE to Al-anon , anyway, and tho I do believe I would have ended up leaving, anyway, because I wanted to be in a better place, not doing end of life care for an active Alcohollic, I wish I had had Al-anon because the time we had wold have been a whole lot less stressful for me....it is what it is..Can't re-wind the past...I am just glad i am here, working on me, trying to be better and be in a better place....As I contemplate moving out of here and closer to my family whats left of it and my BFF, I am looking at my limitations and thinking "ok if this is meant??? somehow the universe will pave the way" in the meantime?? work on my program day to day, seek being in a better place with in me....and let what is to be, be...
I applaud those who put their noses to the grindstone of Al-anon and can find joy and peace, living with an alcoholic.....Glad she is sober...and I loved what you said at the end of your post.....GREAT share and thank you for your service...
I am 'avoiding' early recovery in my sons as much as possible as I don't 'see' me adding any value. They are angry young men with the same HP I have and I have hope all things will continue to improve with time/recovery/HP.
I know that impatience is a character defect that can pop up fast for me. Using this program, the tools and slogans really help me keep it at bay and stay more serene. My best prayers are for God's will to prevail - in all my affairs and those of others I love.
Recovery has given me a new set of lenses. It's my job to put them on each morning and to use them to see the path, just for today. I am grateful that just for today, I have a program, great friends, and a spiritual journey that allows me grace and growth each day.
Happy Monday to one and all - planning a taco night with my program tribe for tonight! We enjoy fellowship beyond our meeting location when we can! Make it a great day!