I am a nurse and work nights. I have to work tonight. Night number 3. I am awake and missing sleep because of the thoughts that bother me about ah and drinking. I can't even sleep and escape the harassment. I worry that I cannot walk this walk forever. Today is a tough day and not sure why. I have to pray and give it to God. Maybe that will help and lots of COFFEE!!! He has not been drinking that I know of since the incident that lead me to this group almost 2 weeks ago, but I still have this uneasy feeling. He was going to start to see a therapist yesterday and every excuse was used to not go. I am mad that I am working at getting better and he is not. Maybe that is why I cannot sleep. I got to stay focused and do this for me. Thanks for listening to my crazy thoughts. While I am on here I am not alone. I would love to have a partner to share this with. I am sad that he can't help me. Enough of this pity party. Time to get on with my day and do something positive. Thanks for letting me vent.
God Bless all!
MamaKat71
Aline said
Oct 5, 2017
Hi, mamakat, I'm sorry you have trouble sleeping and hope you can get some needed rest. Try to be gentle with yourself... This is something I was reminded time and time again on this board, and I can see this has been a good suggestion, as I can be hard on myself. One of the Alanon slogans that comes to mind is "One day at a time", and it has taken me quite a while to even begin to understand how to manage doing that, and I'm still learning, but now I see that as one of the most valuable tools to go to in my life, and I feel it also reflects reality better than my former attitudes of regretting the past (which I can't change) and dreading the future (which I can't predict). I'm really glad to read of your progress, and based on my own transformative experience in Alanon I truly couldn't wish anything better for you than beginning this journey to recovery :) I hope you keep coming back here to share as well as attend f2f meetings - for you! Take care :)
tiredtonite said
Oct 5, 2017
Hi Mamakat,
I'm sorry you're not able to get the rest you need. I know it make for even more tension when you have your workday ahead and want to be alert and effective. I've found that reaching out to my higher power can help. I simply ask the god of my understanding to please remove my obsessive thoughts and help me to get the sleep I need so I can do my part in the coming day. I say the Serenity Prayer over and over again. I've found that to be comforting. It's simply about asking my higher power to do for me what I'm not able to do for myself - to let go and let god take it. Hope you get some rest and your shift goes well. Hope you'll keep coming back to share your recovery journey. ((hugs)) TT
Iamhere said
Oct 5, 2017
(((Mamakat))) - I am not a good sleeper to begin with and know I am more emotional when I am not well rested so ... what you describe - worrying about not sleeping while worrying about 'life' around me is a double bummer...I am like tiredtonite - Ill reach out to my HP. I've also found that reading How Al-Anon Works as well as the AA Big Book are good for me to fall asleep with. Getting horizontal with a fiction book does settle my brain and then trying to focus on the content works well for me.
It is OK to be disappointed that he did not follow through with the support he committed to. How you choose to deal with it (or not) is what matters....I learned in Al-Anon early on to carry a Q-Tip with me - it stands for Quit Taking It Personally. I tended to personalize many external things that added fuel to my distorted thinking and like all else in recovery had to practice, practice, practice to be/do differently.
Hopefully you can find a sponsor soon - that gave me someone I trusted to share my insanity with....often times, just putting 'it' out there helped me see that my processing was in need of improvement. Hang in there and know you aren't alone!
Maresie said
Oct 5, 2017
I.certainly.did not sleep well.when I had dealings with an alcoholic. Getting rest is hard stuff. One way to rest is to learn to detach. That is to let go of some of the intensity that is generally surrounding dealing with an alcoholic. Detaching takes practice. Often in the beginning peopld detach in anger. There is noth8ng wrong sitg that. One other way to get rest is to focus on just for today. Be nice to yourself,
You dont have to punish yourself because you dont have a supportive partner.
Maresie
mamakat71 said
Oct 5, 2017
Thank you all. I am trying to take this one day at a time. I was really upset and let my ah know it before leaving for work tonight. I was beating myself up at first, but I am human too. I need to feel like my feelings matter too. Not everything is about his getting sober. I want to be happy and not worry if he is going to get sober and healthy. I hope to start feeling more confident soon with theis detachment with love and letting go and letting God soon. But for today I was the old me and that's how it is.
I am a nurse and work nights. I have to work tonight. Night number 3. I am awake and missing sleep because of the thoughts that bother me about ah and drinking. I can't even sleep and escape the harassment. I worry that I cannot walk this walk forever. Today is a tough day and not sure why. I have to pray and give it to God. Maybe that will help and lots of COFFEE!!! He has not been drinking that I know of since the incident that lead me to this group almost 2 weeks ago, but I still have this uneasy feeling. He was going to start to see a therapist yesterday and every excuse was used to not go. I am mad that I am working at getting better and he is not. Maybe that is why I cannot sleep. I got to stay focused and do this for me. Thanks for listening to my crazy thoughts. While I am on here I am not alone. I would love to have a partner to share this with. I am sad that he can't help me. Enough of this pity party. Time to get on with my day and do something positive. Thanks for letting me vent.
God Bless all!
MamaKat71
Hi Mamakat,
I'm sorry you're not able to get the rest you need. I know it make for even more tension when you have your workday ahead and want to be alert and effective. I've found that reaching out to my higher power can help. I simply ask the god of my understanding to please remove my obsessive thoughts and help me to get the sleep I need so I can do my part in the coming day. I say the Serenity Prayer over and over again. I've found that to be comforting. It's simply about asking my higher power to do for me what I'm not able to do for myself - to let go and let god take it. Hope you get some rest and your shift goes well. Hope you'll keep coming back to share your recovery journey. ((hugs)) TT
It is OK to be disappointed that he did not follow through with the support he committed to. How you choose to deal with it (or not) is what matters....I learned in Al-Anon early on to carry a Q-Tip with me - it stands for Quit Taking It Personally. I tended to personalize many external things that added fuel to my distorted thinking and like all else in recovery had to practice, practice, practice to be/do differently.
Hopefully you can find a sponsor soon - that gave me someone I trusted to share my insanity with....often times, just putting 'it' out there helped me see that my processing was in need of improvement. Hang in there and know you aren't alone!
I.certainly.did not sleep well.when I had dealings with an alcoholic. Getting rest is hard stuff. One way to rest is to learn to detach. That is to let go of some of the intensity that is generally surrounding dealing with an alcoholic. Detaching takes practice. Often in the beginning peopld detach in anger. There is noth8ng wrong sitg that. One other way to get rest is to focus on just for today. Be nice to yourself,
You dont have to punish yourself because you dont have a supportive partner.
Maresie