yes, the madness has started again. The abf has started on another bender. He was drunk for 4 days straight. He would do work around the house and drink all day/night. It was brutal. Yesterday, he was deadly sick since he has not had a drink since Sunday. He is now drinking again this afternoon. He says he is sick with a cold/hungover and needs a drink. if anyone is sick, its me. I am deadly sick, with bronchitis. I have been to the doctors and got antibiotics. I went and had a few drinks on Saturday as my cousin and his gf were at my house. I needed a break from the madness of the past 3 days of non stop drinking. He abf was thrilled I was having a few drinks. He was happy and I tried my best to enjoy myself and not judge. I have been reading al-anon on line and trying to remain sane. I have a plan. If he starts going wild on me tonight with his drunkenness, I will leave and go to a hotel. I can not tolerate it anymore, especially when I am sick as can be. One good thing is things is being done around the house that he neglected for long time. Someone his drinking gives him energy to get things done. My cousin is still here and is helping him with the work that needs to be done, so that is helping too, keep him away from me. I am trying to focus on me and say, he is going to drink what are you going to do? He is an alcoholic, insane talk and behaviors go with it what is new? This is what a drunk acts and sounds like, its not new, been there with him how many times? What do you expect? what is the answer? Remove self from his influence. get self away from him for now, do not engage, argue, judge, ect just let him be..focus on self, focus on your safety, your sanity, your life...I am trying not to let his drinking get to me, trying to say, not my problem!
el-cee said
Oct 4, 2017
'Focus on self' for me means more than just focusing on doing my own thing and not letting my days become completely swallowed up by the chaos and my own obsession with the drinker. Focusing on me also means that the issue is never just the drinker alone. We have work to do on ourselves. To break free from this merrygoround we must begin to take responsibility for our own behaviour, choices, attitude.
To continue in the blame game and scapegoating is denial and keeps us locked in. If we keep blaming the drinker for all our problems then we are stuck because it means they and only they must change for improvement. This is incorrect, they dont have to change a single thing for our lives to improve but we must accept it is our own responsibility and not theirs.This is what Alanon is trying to help us with. Realising that we have the solution within us, a spiritual solution and its filled with action. Reading the daily readers every day, speaking with alanon members and more importantly listening to what they did to make their life better, getting to meetings, it takes commitment. Its there for the taking for all of us but sometimes we need to get sick of being sick and realise that we are wallowing in self pity and enjoying the drama and chaos this life brings us. Harsh realisation but it seems to me to be a symptom we all suffer from rather than a judgement or a moral issue, its part of our sickness.
-- Edited by el-cee on Wednesday 4th of October 2017 05:38:32 AM
Iamhere said
Oct 4, 2017
(((Joker))) - I am sorry to hear that you are sick -- take good care of self and get well quickly....I am sending you positive thoughts and prayers. Living with an alcoholic is difficult and it's even more stressful when we don't feel well. Sending love and light your way!
Maresie said
Oct 5, 2017
Bronchitis can be pretty serious. I hope you get aome respjte in taking care of yourself.
It is certainly very distracting to have soemeone.around binging
I dont know what you can do to take care of yourself. When I am sick I.take myself out of the way off stress.
It is very difficult to acknowledge you are in.a higb stress situation.
My health went kaput when I was around the now ex A. It took me a long time to put it back together
Indeed the now ex A was always really dismissive about my health.
I took it all very very personally.
These days my health is a very high priority for me. There is no question I put myself first.
I had to get really really sick in order to take my health seriously
yes, the madness has started again. The abf has started on another bender. He was drunk for 4 days straight. He would do work around the house and drink all day/night. It was brutal. Yesterday, he was deadly sick since he has not had a drink since Sunday. He is now drinking again this afternoon. He says he is sick with a cold/hungover and needs a drink. if anyone is sick, its me. I am deadly sick, with bronchitis. I have been to the doctors and got antibiotics. I went and had a few drinks on Saturday as my cousin and his gf were at my house. I needed a break from the madness of the past 3 days of non stop drinking. He abf was thrilled I was having a few drinks. He was happy and I tried my best to enjoy myself and not judge. I have been reading al-anon on line and trying to remain sane. I have a plan. If he starts going wild on me tonight with his drunkenness, I will leave and go to a hotel. I can not tolerate it anymore, especially when I am sick as can be. One good thing is things is being done around the house that he neglected for long time. Someone his drinking gives him energy to get things done. My cousin is still here and is helping him with the work that needs to be done, so that is helping too, keep him away from me. I am trying to focus on me and say, he is going to drink what are you going to do? He is an alcoholic, insane talk and behaviors go with it what is new? This is what a drunk acts and sounds like, its not new, been there with him how many times? What do you expect? what is the answer? Remove self from his influence. get self away from him for now, do not engage, argue, judge, ect just let him be..focus on self, focus on your safety, your sanity, your life...I am trying not to let his drinking get to me, trying to say, not my problem!
'Focus on self' for me means more than just focusing on doing my own thing and not letting my days become completely swallowed up by the chaos and my own obsession with the drinker. Focusing on me also means that the issue is never just the drinker alone. We have work to do on ourselves. To break free from this merrygoround we must begin to take responsibility for our own behaviour, choices, attitude.
To continue in the blame game and scapegoating is denial and keeps us locked in. If we keep blaming the drinker for all our problems then we are stuck because it means they and only they must change for improvement. This is incorrect, they dont have to change a single thing for our lives to improve but we must accept it is our own responsibility and not theirs.This is what Alanon is trying to help us with. Realising that we have the solution within us, a spiritual solution and its filled with action. Reading the daily readers every day, speaking with alanon members and more importantly listening to what they did to make their life better, getting to meetings, it takes commitment. Its there for the taking for all of us but sometimes we need to get sick of being sick and realise that we are wallowing in self pity and enjoying the drama and chaos this life brings us. Harsh realisation but it seems to me to be a symptom we all suffer from rather than a judgement or a moral issue, its part of our sickness.
-- Edited by el-cee on Wednesday 4th of October 2017 05:38:32 AM
Bronchitis can be pretty serious. I hope you get aome respjte in taking care of yourself.
It is certainly very distracting to have soemeone.around binging
I dont know what you can do to take care of yourself. When I am sick I.take myself out of the way off stress.
It is very difficult to acknowledge you are in.a higb stress situation.
My health went kaput when I was around the now ex A. It took me a long time to put it back together
Indeed the now ex A was always really dismissive about my health.
I took it all very very personally.
These days my health is a very high priority for me. There is no question I put myself first.
I had to get really really sick in order to take my health seriously
The ex A didnt change. I did.