Day after day I am using my tools, feeling in control and better, and then yesterday kind of took me down. Family problems due to my A are escalating as holidays approach, and I learned we cannot reunite as a whole group. Thanks to Alanon I am not devastated, and the good news is that I know I will feel better again. I just can't cope well every single day with issues that hurt my heart. I've been wearing out the Serenity Prayer, saying it so much. And what comes to mind is Progress Not Perfection. Some days are good, and some are not. It's early, so I will try to turn this over to HP, I asked Him to show me His will, and hopefully the afternoon and evening be better, Lyne
hotrod said
Sep 28, 2017
((Lyne)) One Day at a Time -- I too am experiencing concern over the Holiday Season as well. Last last year, there was a political argument that ruined Christmas. I have decided that I can alter my plans and make the holiday at my home with myself and partner and that will be fine. Keep on praying for guidance.
Iamhere said
Sep 28, 2017
(((Lyne))) - so sorry for the sadness....you too (((Betty))). There are times of the year that I get anxious over just based on the disease and the affects for past gatherings. Holidays are one of them. Our celebrations have definitely changed and it's been more than 10 years since we (AH and sons) have been together for a holiday. If I 'hang' on what's been missing, I do get really, really sad.....I try hard to stay with the present and the ODaT.
Many years ago when I started AA, I was extremely fearful about holiday gatherings. There is no gathering of 2 or more without alcohol and I was so concerned about being around the booze and boozers. I didn't know it then, but realized years later that I was also fearful of being judged for no longer being a 'part of' the family for my sobriety. How I projected and perceived things was way different than reality, which helped me 'see' how damaging my inability to live ODaT truly affected so much of my being. The solution given than stuck was 'act as if it's no different than any other day'...
This has carried me for a long while. When I can just live the day as it approaches and set aside the expectations of what 'family' and 'holiday' should be, any connection with others is a bonus. I still get sad at times and just feel the feelings and try not to let them become more than that. Sometimes easier said than done.
(((Hugs))) to both - those two subjects - family and holidays are tough for everyone....when we add this disease, it just takes tough to a whole new level.
El said
Sep 28, 2017
Hi Lyne,
All I can say is: Ugh. The Holidays. They have never been Norman Rockwell.....and the anxiety builds around mid-October for me. I believe I handle it better than I did before Alanon, but you are right....some days we are better at coping with life and thoughts than other days.
Be gentle with yourself and know that HP is there even when we are struggling to hear the message. We are all here with you!
Ellen
Bethany66 said
Sep 28, 2017
So crazy that a time that as children we looked forward to all year becomes something that now begets groans, anxiety and sadness. That is life with alcoholism. But we put such expectations on the holidays, it rarely can live up to them, even in a sober family. A family of people coming together, each with their own set of baggage and expectations almost always spawns some sort of drama. Making choices for ourselves that will lead to our serenity and peace and lots of Al-Anon program gives us hope!
We have 9 grandchildren and a limited budget so finances always become a huge stress at the holidays. I am giving it up to my HP today!
-- Edited by Bethany66 on Thursday 28th of September 2017 10:09:25 AM
Freetime said
Sep 28, 2017
Hi Lyne and everyone, I remember that feeling when my expectations for holidays were shattered. Images of perfect peaceful family get-togethers, and all the advertising that is everywhere, made it a very stressful time. And I started dreading it, about this time every year.
Nowadays, my holidays are whatever I make them. I can enjoy a solo get-away, or a small gathering of just a few people. And I'm so excited that my Al-Anon meeting will be open on New Year's Eve this year.
I've found peace in letting go. So glad we are all here to support one another during this season.
Jill said
Sep 28, 2017
I find my joy in the holidays is inversely proportionate to the fuss I make over them.
After many years of trial and error, I now calmly look forward to celebrating what I consider the reason for the holiday.
My selection of music, my minimal home decorations, and my cooking appear minimalist to others. They can do it their way.
I am grateful for the freedom to celebrate in my own way.
I too am grateful we are all here to support each other. I'll never leave.
Maresie25 said
Sep 28, 2017
A male friend of mine (he might have been an alcoholic) took his own life, two days before Christmas last year.
I knew him for five years. He was always presenting this perfect image particularly at Christmas of the family gatherings he had.
I bought into that. Now I think that there was much he held back.
And I am struggling to forgive him and everyone one else around him.
Maresie.
Lyne said
Sep 29, 2017
Thanks to all for your ESH. I am do not feel alone, Lyne
Day after day I am using my tools, feeling in control and better, and then yesterday kind of took me down. Family problems due to my A are escalating as holidays approach, and I learned we cannot reunite as a whole group. Thanks to Alanon I am not devastated, and the good news is that I know I will feel better again. I just can't cope well every single day with issues that hurt my heart. I've been wearing out the Serenity Prayer, saying it so much. And what comes to mind is Progress Not Perfection. Some days are good, and some are not. It's early, so I will try to turn this over to HP, I asked Him to show me His will, and hopefully the afternoon and evening be better, Lyne
((Lyne)) One Day at a Time -- I too am experiencing concern over the Holiday Season as well. Last last year, there was a political argument that ruined Christmas. I have decided that I can alter my plans and make the holiday at my home with myself and partner and that will be fine. Keep on praying for guidance.
Many years ago when I started AA, I was extremely fearful about holiday gatherings. There is no gathering of 2 or more without alcohol and I was so concerned about being around the booze and boozers. I didn't know it then, but realized years later that I was also fearful of being judged for no longer being a 'part of' the family for my sobriety. How I projected and perceived things was way different than reality, which helped me 'see' how damaging my inability to live ODaT truly affected so much of my being. The solution given than stuck was 'act as if it's no different than any other day'...
This has carried me for a long while. When I can just live the day as it approaches and set aside the expectations of what 'family' and 'holiday' should be, any connection with others is a bonus. I still get sad at times and just feel the feelings and try not to let them become more than that. Sometimes easier said than done.
(((Hugs))) to both - those two subjects - family and holidays are tough for everyone....when we add this disease, it just takes tough to a whole new level.
Hi Lyne,
All I can say is: Ugh. The Holidays. They have never been Norman Rockwell.....and the anxiety builds around mid-October for me. I believe I handle it better than I did before Alanon, but you are right....some days we are better at coping with life and thoughts than other days.
Be gentle with yourself and know that HP is there even when we are struggling to hear the message. We are all here with you!
Ellen
So crazy that a time that as children we looked forward to all year becomes something that now begets groans, anxiety and sadness. That is life with alcoholism. But we put such expectations on the holidays, it rarely can live up to them, even in a sober family. A family of people coming together, each with their own set of baggage and expectations almost always spawns some sort of drama. Making choices for ourselves that will lead to our serenity and peace and lots of Al-Anon program gives us hope!
We have 9 grandchildren and a limited budget so finances always become a huge stress at the holidays. I am giving it up to my HP today!
-- Edited by Bethany66 on Thursday 28th of September 2017 10:09:25 AM
Nowadays, my holidays are whatever I make them. I can enjoy a solo get-away, or a small gathering of just a few people. And I'm so excited that my Al-Anon meeting will be open on New Year's Eve this year.
I've found peace in letting go. So glad we are all here to support one another during this season.
After many years of trial and error, I now calmly look forward to celebrating what I consider the reason for the holiday.
My selection of music, my minimal home decorations, and my cooking appear minimalist to others. They can do it their way.
I am grateful for the freedom to celebrate in my own way.
I too am grateful we are all here to support each other. I'll never leave.
A male friend of mine (he might have been an alcoholic) took his own life, two days before Christmas last year.
I knew him for five years. He was always presenting this perfect image particularly at Christmas of the family gatherings he had.
I bought into that. Now I think that there was much he held back.
And I am struggling to forgive him and everyone one else around him.
Maresie.