He won't see this because he blocked me and wants to never hear from me again. "I hope you have me blocked. I need to say this but I don't really want you to hear it. I hope you know my pain is tiring. I will work hard to recover from you and what you've done. It is my priority. I have choices here, all along I've had choices. At the time it felt better to punish you. I hurt so I wanted you to hurt too. Looking back, I wish I had just said what you have done is not in my plan and walked away gracefully. Im ashamed of my behavior. I'm ashamed of my immaturity and I'm ashamed that I allowed myself to get close enough to you to get myself hurt. My mistake- i know better then to let myself go all in. I like to keep a distance. You may feel like your life is a mess- Don't fall all the way down . Start from here and fight your way back to the top. You belong up there. You worked for it. Love your parents while you can. Enjoy the kids while you can. Forgive yourself and live. Don't give up. "

This is a lovely apology.

I found that much of my apology to my husband also applied to my apology to myself as well. I imagine that you worked hard to make your relationship work and forgiving yourself is a good thing to do. Don't give up on yourself - you are asking some great questions and I can see lots of growth in your posts. Sending ((((hugs))))

(((hugs)))

That is a lovely apology. I heard once that when we apologize to others, it helps us forgive ourselves and move on. We get to release whatever negative thoughts and emotions we were holding on to and just live. I have experienced that release of negativity, and I hope you will as well.