My A in rehab again, sick with anxiety as I have decided to leave. A was 100% dependent
navvik said
Sep 20, 2017
The A was 100% dependent on me from around 3 years. I have used Al Anon tools and come very far. A in rehab now. I have decided that the best solution is to let the A go. But I am still sick and tired because of the following reasons.
1) A is probably suicidal, cut wrist once (but of course, to catch everyone's and mainly my attention). Threatens his sister that he is finished if something happens to (me), or if I am not around when he comes out.
2) Here in my country, we are allowed to decide how long the A will be in the rehab. The center head says keep the A in for 6 months (Warning: he may have the money motive). Money is not a problem.
3) I have decided that I will not be around after he is out, but I do not see how that can happen. The only way is to fund his family to take care of immediate and medium term needs perhaps. The reason is that he is dependent even for the taxi fare that he will have to bear after he is out .. from there to everything else including finding a place to stay.
Now, my main worries are not even these 3 terrible things. It is that the A will immediately try to HARM himself and there will be a LOT of things to probably handle if such a thing happens. Much more than I can handle now for sure.
I'm selling off my house to move where the A can't find me! How do I handle this situation? Any advice will help.
-- Edited by navvik on Wednesday 20th of September 2017 02:21:52 PM
Iamhere said
Sep 20, 2017
Welcome to MIP navvik - glad you found us and glad that you shared. It sounds as if you are in a different country so I'm not sure how long-term care works there. In the US, most centers will help the patient with after-care - living, additional treatment, meetings, transpo., etc. I am sorry for your anxiety and see that you are engaged with Al-Anon - perhaps others in your area can share ESH and help with some alternative thinking.
Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
navvik said
Sep 21, 2017
Sorry that I asked for advice.
Anyone with anything to share about fear of A coming out of Rehab and creating hell again, request you to please share.
Also, anyone who is threatened by A coming out of Rehab, please share. Life threat or any other threat.
hotrod said
Sep 21, 2017
((Navvik))) you re not alone I too feared the insanity starting again but alanon meetings,calling on my sponsor helped to get me through. It is one day, some times one moment at a time that we live andt we also need to accept the fact that alcoholism is a chronic disease over which we are powerless.
Social Services in USA always check to see if the person being discharged has a place to live- if not they arrange shelter. I would check with the facility as to their discharge plan.
Please do keep coming back.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 21st of September 2017 01:22:57 PM
MeTwo2 said
Sep 22, 2017
The A was 100% dependent on me from around 3 years
navvik thank you for posting this .. I am reading this going of course .. co-dependency .. I know when I write this it might read silly .. but I am seeing this morning how I called the dependency Love .. wow this goes back even further than the A .. I also see the dependency inside me too .. thinking back I see how I could even think when no one is depending on me they don't Love Me .. vice versa .. see where they thought this 'also of me .. thankful there is recovery with No co-dependency because it works with one authority .. tradition 2 .. a loving god expressing through our groups consciences .. some power Greater than us all (the groups)
I miss the A in my life too and to this day worry .. if we don't change the direction of our feet we're likely to end up where we're 'headed .. the hope though ? I was on the path to alanon long before it appeared that way on the surface .. all my broken roads led me here .. this is my hope and prayer for the A as well . always heard willingness grows through Pain .. I believe that is one piece today .. not the 'only way to grow but a big one that eventually leads to a 'start.' when there's enough pain we finally get sick and tired of not reaching out for help .. in the meantime I need to pray for myself and others .. not a to do for us list .. just an acceptance and serenity prayer quest .. realize when I do pray I often give excuses to justify behaviors .. I just need to hold a Stop sign up to me and become wiling to say Yes to turning it all over and letting HP take the wheel ..
wishing you much serenity .. I didn't read all these replies but going to reread this post when I have more time .. thanks again .. helpful for me too ...
MeTwo2 said
Sep 22, 2017
I relate too to being restored to insanity every time I turn 'back .. I am still trying to move forward .. I turn back today but today the reasons are different .. step work only .. to learn from my past .. so I can keep moving toward freedom to live inside today ... keep my mind in the moment .. that's such a process .. I am definitely Messy .. work in progress here ..
milkwood said
Sep 22, 2017
I don't have experience of what you are describing but just wanted to say that am sorry that your life has been affected by another person's alcoholism - it is a ghastly disease. It is good to see you making plans for yourself and talking about 'letting go'. I remember once trying to imagine what it would be like to have someone else running my life and I know that I would find it very difficult to cope with. That thought helped me when I was trying to 'let go' and allow my husband his own autonomy so he could make his own choices, however much I disagreed with them sometimes! And it is great that you've come to MIP, welcome!!
MeTwo2 said
Sep 22, 2017
I remember once trying to imagine what it would be like to have someone else running my life and I know that I would find it very difficult to cope with (milkwood) Thank you for posting this !! it speaks to me .. another small piece of understanding for me personally .. and something I needed to read this morning
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 22nd of September 2017 10:28:58 AM
navvik said
Sep 22, 2017
I'm thinking i'm willing to let HP take over. But things very different here from what I read on these threads. The fear of the immediate consequences of BIG self harm by the A and/or having to deal with authorities who are corrupt and will extract everything, even life from both. They jump at every opportunity to take advantage. So, its the A and them too and some more.
The A was 100% dependent on me from around 3 years. I have used Al Anon tools and come very far. A in rehab now. I have decided that the best solution is to let the A go. But I am still sick and tired because of the following reasons.
1) A is probably suicidal, cut wrist once (but of course, to catch everyone's and mainly my attention). Threatens his sister that he is finished if something happens to (me), or if I am not around when he comes out.
2) Here in my country, we are allowed to decide how long the A will be in the rehab. The center head says keep the A in for 6 months (Warning: he may have the money motive). Money is not a problem.
3) I have decided that I will not be around after he is out, but I do not see how that can happen. The only way is to fund his family to take care of immediate and medium term needs perhaps. The reason is that he is dependent even for the taxi fare that he will have to bear after he is out .. from there to everything else including finding a place to stay.
Now, my main worries are not even these 3 terrible things. It is that the A will immediately try to HARM himself and there will be a LOT of things to probably handle if such a thing happens. Much more than I can handle now for sure.
I'm selling off my house to move where the A can't find me! How do I handle this situation? Any advice will help.
-- Edited by navvik on Wednesday 20th of September 2017 02:21:52 PM
Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
Sorry that I asked for advice.
Anyone with anything to share about fear of A coming out of Rehab and creating hell again, request you to please share.
Also, anyone who is threatened by A coming out of Rehab, please share. Life threat or any other threat.
((Navvik))) you re not alone I too feared the insanity starting again but alanon meetings,calling on my sponsor helped to get me through. It is one day, some times one moment at a time that we live andt we also need to accept the fact that alcoholism is a chronic disease over which we are powerless.
Social Services in USA always check to see if the person being discharged has a place to live- if not they arrange shelter. I would check with the facility as to their discharge plan.
Please do keep coming back.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 21st of September 2017 01:22:57 PM
navvik thank you for posting this .. I am reading this going of course .. co-dependency .. I know when I write this it might read silly .. but I am seeing this morning how I called the dependency Love .. wow this goes back even further than the A .. I also see the dependency inside me too .. thinking back I see how I could even think when no one is depending on me they don't Love Me .. vice versa .. see where they thought this 'also of me .. thankful there is recovery with No co-dependency because it works with one authority .. tradition 2 .. a loving god expressing through our groups consciences .. some power Greater than us all (the groups)
I miss the A in my life too and to this day worry .. if we don't change the direction of our feet we're likely to end up where we're 'headed .. the hope though ? I was on the path to alanon long before it appeared that way on the surface .. all my broken roads led me here .. this is my hope and prayer for the A as well . always heard willingness grows through Pain .. I believe that is one piece today .. not the 'only way to grow but a big one that eventually leads to a 'start.' when there's enough pain we finally get sick and tired of not reaching out for help .. in the meantime I need to pray for myself and others .. not a to do for us list .. just an acceptance and serenity prayer quest .. realize when I do pray I often give excuses to justify behaviors .. I just need to hold a Stop sign up to me and become wiling to say Yes to turning it all over and letting HP take the wheel ..
wishing you much serenity .. I didn't read all these replies but going to reread this post when I have more time .. thanks again .. helpful for me too ...
I remember once trying to imagine what it would be like to have someone else running my life and I know that I would find it very difficult to cope with (milkwood) Thank you for posting this !! it speaks to me .. another small piece of understanding for me personally .. and something I needed to read this morning
-- Edited by MeTwo2 on Friday 22nd of September 2017 10:28:58 AM
I'm thinking i'm willing to let HP take over. But things very different here from what I read on these threads. The fear of the immediate consequences of BIG self harm by the A and/or having to deal with authorities who are corrupt and will extract everything, even life from both. They jump at every opportunity to take advantage. So, its the A and them too and some more.