Hi. I have been reading everyone's posts and find them so helpful. This has been a rough few days. As I shared before I moved out from my home leaving AH at home. He has been telling me for 3 weeks now that he is ready to give up the drugs and alcohol. He wants to come stay with me, the house is rented only till the end of the month so he has to move somewhere by the 1st. Yesterday I stopped t see him and he got aggressive with me so I left after being there 10 minutes. Spoke to him later in the day and he is paranoid. On the roller coaster. Today tells me he is done again and ready for me to come get him. I go by after work, help him pack and clean. Just as we are about to load the truck he says give me money,. This will be the last time he ask for it. I calmly said NO. I won't be part of that behaviour and won't support him if he does that. He yells and tells me to leave and never to return. So I go. I know where he is mentally and that he is sick. I just can't enable him anymore. I think I said what I meant and hopefully didn't say it mean, but I am sure he didn't take it that way because he didn't get what he wanted. It is so hard to detach and just say it is the disease. He is making choices and will tell me he has more recovery than anyone he knows. And he can stop anytime. Denial is so hard to see when the person in denial blames you for what they are doing. Maybe this is wrong thinking but when a person is truly done with drinking/drugging nothing or no one can make them go back to it.. I have dual membership myself, been there done that didn't pick up through all of this stress and relapse with AH. the person may have cravings but the spiritual principles of this program and AA/NA are there as long as the person is willing to work the program. I pray daily for my HP to help my AH. I don't have the emotional strength anymore to deal with the mood swings and threats. Today I am seeing And expressing my boundaries. Take what you like and leave the rest.

no you are NOT wrong...when a person is TRULY done with drinking/drugging nothing or no one can make them go back to it....My daughter is proof of that...so no!!! you are NOT wrong to say that..........I think you did real good, flyfree.....you're taking care of you and not enabling the addict.....its hard, but it gets easier and easier each time you stand to your boundaries.....GOOD job!!!

(((Flyfree))) - good on you for not allowing anyone else to affect your recovery. I hear you on the sadness - watching one we love or care for deeply self-destruct is the hardest thing I've had to watch/endure in my life. I am reminded that not only is recovery personal and individual, but so is the bottom we each must endure to seek recovery and a spiritual path. I am perpetually amazed at how denial affects an alcoholic and the length of insanity for some. It does give me gratitude that when I 'got there', I was able to find the support and help I needed to get and stay sober. I can't say why me and not them or the reverse as I don't fully understand it.

Keep doing you - it looks great on you. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way!!

oh yea, watching my younger brothers courting a slow death breaks my heart, but program has shown me that I CANT do anything for them....I CAN help me...focus on me...and learn self care and feel self love adn then share that healthy self love with safe others and I underline the word *safe*....but yea, my brother failed to call me as promised...I suppose hes on another bender between jobs......step 3 and I carry on with my life and my program....

That is a very hard dilemma.
I have had to set a lot of limits around other people's crises.
Boundaries are very difficult but particularly around an alcoholic.
They tend to take over the whole show.
Lately I have got very busy with my own life so I do not get drawn in.
I have had to back off certain people who thrive in drama

Maresie

I think it's great progress. Good job working your program.

I am glad to see that you stated your boundary and you stuck to it! It is so very hard when your qualifier is a spouse and larger and stronger than you. Keep it up, FlyFree!