My daughter who is 20 is with an abusive drug addict he has a warrant for battery on my daughter she denies and defend him but is also isolated and this man has long history of abuse manipulation very evil.. I want to go find where he is without him knowing so cops can know where he is and arrest him on warrants in hopes for daughter to have opportunity to get to safety. Is this against Serenity. As a mother and grandmother shouldn't I do what I can to protect or am I sabotaging myself...

I have more than one question .. has your daughter sought services from a DV office? It might not hurt for you to go and talk to a DV counselor only to get the perspective of are you going to isolate and hurt your daughter without meaning to. Safety for me is first and foremost mine and the other party. That doesn't mean I rush head long into a situation I know nothing about and risk the other party.

As a mother my instinct is to do whatever necessary to protect my children and I doubt that will change as they get older at the same time and as painful as this is .. this is not my lesson this is my kid/s lesson and staying out of it however letting them know I am there if needed is another issue.

I have a whole other take on sexual abuse and violence against children. As an adult though I am completely responsible for my choices even if they cause me tremendous pain.

I hope you will keep coming back here, I really do encourage you to reach out the DV offices/counselors they have the first hand knowledge of guidance in these kinds of tricky situations. I know the last thing I would ever want to do to my child is create a situation which was even worse regardless of how well meaning my intensions were.

Hugs S :)

Thank you I've tried talking with police but not dv thank you

Hi Shellianna welcome I am sorry that your daughter is experiencing this situation. In addition to what Serenity has shared, I must admit that I believe that as a mom, I too would want to do what you are thinking. However knowing what these neighborhoods are like, I would not put my life in danger in attempting to go locate this man. i do believe that i would consider hiring a private detective to do this as they are trained and experienced in such situations.
Please keep coming back

Thank you so very much and I so wish I could afford that.i can't afford the trip as she is 1200 miles from me!.. but as a Mom I seem to have no other choice..no address phone number nothing ! Only thing I know is they are about to move again! And at least right now I know where they are!

Prayers appreciated...this is a hard choice..I feel as though I can't afford not to try!

Shellianna - welcome to MIP. I understand the concern and worry you have for your child. In my world (sons), they have been very angry at me for long periods of time when I inserted myself into their lives without being invited. The disease is larger than life and those affected by it - directly and indirectly - can minimize danger through large amounts of denial. Yet, rational behavior or concern is seen as mothering, controlling, etc.

Anyone, at any time though can ask for a welfare check. If you were to contact the police in their location and ask for a welfare check, you can remain anonymous (I know you can in my state). If he's present when they check and they ask for name/ID, he may be picked up for outstanding warrants.

I am guessing you are active in recovery....what does your sponsor say? I hope you keep coming back - there is always hope in recovery...

Hi Shellianna. I am so sorry that you're having to watch your daughter walk through this. I can only imagine how hard this, especially being far away. :(

I'm kinda new here, so I wasn't sure if this would be appropriate or not. I was in a domestically violent relationship for about a year, and got out four years ago. I was wondering if sharing my story with you would help, Shellianna? I can't speak to your daughter's experience. It's just that domestic violence looks so crazy from the outside (because it is) that it's hard to understand why people don't leave, or worse, why they defend it. So, when you were telling some of her story, I found myself nodding my head, saying "That was me". I wondered if it would help to hear some insight from someone who's been there.

But, I don't want to hijack this thread, and I definitely don't want to add to any pain you're already feeling.

I love the idea about talking to a DV counselor. Praying for you and your girl.

Noone knows there address or phone number is the big problem! Thank you all for your support! I would greatly appreciate hearing your story ma'am. THANK YOU ALL!!