We are to detact but the facts are the consequences affect my family. If they get a DUI, the transportation and violation charges are a burden to me. He loses his job. We are robbed. The only truly way to detact is not be married to them. This drug needs to be illegal substance. They is absolutely nothing good about this drug.
It's sad. It epidemic of drugs is sad. It's the innocent people who are greatly affected.
Ok I will go back to my fantasy world and pretend we don't have a problem because this is what I do to survive. I detact so much that I dissociate which helps to not know what is going on in my life.
el-cee said
Sep 18, 2017
That was my reality and I left. There's no law that says we have to stay and suffer for another human being.
Alanon tells us that we get sick too and that stops us making rational decisions based on reasoned thought processes so the program asks that we wait a while before making big decisions that we can't possibly have came too with sane rational reasoned thoughts. So the question is can you see that you've been effected, mentally I mean and if so go get help in Alanon, get a bit of clarity and awareness of the reality of living with an alcoholic and the promises shown on this forum come true for us when we commit.
tiredtonite said
Sep 18, 2017
Hi Lexie,
I wondered about these things too and how to use the Alanon tool detachment. As I kept going to meetings and working the steps with an Alanon sponsor I was able to put the Serenity Prayer into action. I began to put things in place that help my home situation in the ways that I could. Everyone's situation is different but none of us is powerless over our own well-being. I was in denial when I was new to Alanon, overwhelmed by all the negative events and fallout from the alcoholic's actions. I needed help but wasn't sure where to turn to for help. The troubles didn't stop coming after finding Alanon but I had support from the fellowship and the program helped me to find solutions for making my life a better one no matter what the alcoholic in my life was doing. Choosing recovery for myself freed me from the grip alcoholism had on my life and the misery that went along with that. I hope if you haven't gone to in person Alanon, you'll think about giving it a try to see if it helps relieve some of your stress and helps you to find answers for living the full life you deserve. I hope things will continue to get better for you one day at a time. Keep coming back to share with us. ((hugs)) TT
a4l said
Sep 19, 2017
Warm welcome to you Lexie. It took me a long time ( and is still a growing learning) to wear detachment in a way that is honest and constructive to myself. In my family, we did detachment by completely withdrawing, some times moving away, or by withdrawing communication completely by not talking to or about the shunned one/s. For years and years. Its only very recently, and after 3 years of solid 12 step work in alanon that I've come to a place of detaching that doesn't harm me in any way. There are so many tools and aspects of this program that lead to this; its not a black and white process as I was nurtured unconsciously and unintentionally to beleive before recovery. What does detachment currently look and sound and walk like for you, I wonder? And how does it feel?
Maresie said
Sep 20, 2017
I certainly went down the route of seeing the consequences
Eventually my now ex A boyfriend caused no end of problems
Letting go was extremely messy. The co sequences ran on for me for years
One of my.current friends is an alcoholic. She is on a downward spiral. .
I protect myself, she doesn't come over. I.see her increasingly rarely
I managed to detach to the point I no longer worry about her.
I certainly put myself first and I am no longer available for her crisis.
Nowadays when I encounter people with a possibl e addiction I don't pursue a relationship. I have far more realistic expectations
I feel for my friend and love her but I am no longer willing to have that amount of chaos in my life.
We are to detact but the facts are the consequences affect my family. If they get a DUI, the transportation and violation charges are a burden to me. He loses his job. We are robbed. The only truly way to detact is not be married to them. This drug needs to be illegal substance. They is absolutely nothing good about this drug.
It's sad. It epidemic of drugs is sad. It's the innocent people who are greatly affected.
Ok I will go back to my fantasy world and pretend we don't have a problem because this is what I do to survive. I detact so much that I dissociate which helps to not know what is going on in my life.
Alanon tells us that we get sick too and that stops us making rational decisions based on reasoned thought processes so the program asks that we wait a while before making big decisions that we can't possibly have came too with sane rational reasoned thoughts. So the question is can you see that you've been effected, mentally I mean and if so go get help in Alanon, get a bit of clarity and awareness of the reality of living with an alcoholic and the promises shown on this forum come true for us when we commit.
Hi Lexie,
I wondered about these things too and how to use the Alanon tool detachment. As I kept going to meetings and working the steps with an Alanon sponsor I was able to put the Serenity Prayer into action. I began to put things in place that help my home situation in the ways that I could. Everyone's situation is different but none of us is powerless over our own well-being. I was in denial when I was new to Alanon, overwhelmed by all the negative events and fallout from the alcoholic's actions. I needed help but wasn't sure where to turn to for help. The troubles didn't stop coming after finding Alanon but I had support from the fellowship and the program helped me to find solutions for making my life a better one no matter what the alcoholic in my life was doing. Choosing recovery for myself freed me from the grip alcoholism had on my life and the misery that went along with that. I hope if you haven't gone to in person Alanon, you'll think about giving it a try to see if it helps relieve some of your stress and helps you to find answers for living the full life you deserve. I hope things will continue to get better for you one day at a time. Keep coming back to share with us. ((hugs)) TT
I certainly went down the route of seeing the consequences
Eventually my now ex A boyfriend caused no end of problems
Letting go was extremely messy. The co sequences ran on for me for years
One of my.current friends is an alcoholic. She is on a downward spiral. .
I protect myself, she doesn't come over. I.see her increasingly rarely
I managed to detach to the point I no longer worry about her.
I certainly put myself first and I am no longer available for her crisis.
Nowadays when I encounter people with a possibl e addiction I don't pursue a relationship. I have far more realistic expectations
I feel for my friend and love her but I am no longer willing to have that amount of chaos in my life.