I don't know what I was thinking. Somehow I just missed the red flag, and I walked right into dealing with another alcoholic.
I volunteered for a community project. I really wanted to be a part of it, so I stepped up and volunteered my talent for setting up facebook group and getting the word out about this project. Unfortunately, my work blew up right in my face when the lady spearheading the project turned out to be an A and decided to be pissed that my name was all over her project, even though she insisted that she didn't want to be a leader and tell everyone what to do.
So, I feel like a total idiot for falling into the diseases trap, yet again. Ugh! I don't know how I get myself into these things, but it must have had something to do with the recent feeling of incompetence I have had lately. I didn't really make that connection until just now, but the same day that I volunteered to work with this lady, I had just told a friend that I was feeling really stupid today, like I couldn't seem to do anything right.
I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I wonder now what's up with that? Not sleeping very well. Too much time online, and not here where I need to be. My local meeting closed, the only meeting in my town. I'm just feeling really off kilter. Time to regroup, I guess.
This one really threw me off, though. I even had a niggling bad feeling about this woman's abrasive personality, but I ignored it for some reason. I don't get it. Grrr
Back to step one, one day at a time.
Mattie said
Sep 13, 2017
I bet we all know how that feels. I've come to see that there are so many alcoholics in the world that we are bound to rub shoulders with some frequently. I think the difference between us and the stuck codies (as I used to be) is that now when we realize what's up, we take action and put a good bit of distance between us and them. In the old days I would be: wondering what is wrong with me; blaming myself for not being accepting enough; trying to talk to them and get them to understand the problem; thinking that I was in a special position to "help" them and show them a new way; thinking that if they saw how much they hurt me, they would change; sticking around and suffering and wondering why I was always victimized. Now I say to myself, "Whoa, not again, not gonna get myself in that quicksand!" and I get the heck out of Dodge. Sounds like you have the same awareness. So great in taking care of yourself!
Iamhere said
Sep 13, 2017
Good to see you Jen - so sorry your local meeting shut down....makes my heart sad for you and others who need the support of local fellowship!!
I am and will always be surrounded by active A's - it runs in my family and I do tons of service work for that side of the house. I typically am able to process the chaos, and then find gratitude that I've found a better way to live. I find many folks who are not A's exhaustive and the same applies - use my program and boundaries for self-preservation and then gratitude I don't live like that any more!
Keep coming back - your post also reminded me of the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Great plan to return to Step 1 - always helpful to remember we are powerless over others and can only change us!!!
Skorpi said
Sep 13, 2017
So sorry to hear about the local meeting!
Living and working where I do, I am surrounded by active alcoholics. It helps me to ask "Is what they are upset about my reality?" and if it is not, I just dismiss their reaction as "not mine, not for me" and move on. (Granted, this process takes days sometimes!) Writing and talking about it really helps me as well.
I don't know what I was thinking. Somehow I just missed the red flag, and I walked right into dealing with another alcoholic.
I volunteered for a community project. I really wanted to be a part of it, so I stepped up and volunteered my talent for setting up facebook group and getting the word out about this project. Unfortunately, my work blew up right in my face when the lady spearheading the project turned out to be an A and decided to be pissed that my name was all over her project, even though she insisted that she didn't want to be a leader and tell everyone what to do.
So, I feel like a total idiot for falling into the diseases trap, yet again. Ugh! I don't know how I get myself into these things, but it must have had something to do with the recent feeling of incompetence I have had lately. I didn't really make that connection until just now, but the same day that I volunteered to work with this lady, I had just told a friend that I was feeling really stupid today, like I couldn't seem to do anything right.
I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I wonder now what's up with that? Not sleeping very well. Too much time online, and not here where I need to be. My local meeting closed, the only meeting in my town.
I'm just feeling really off kilter. Time to regroup, I guess.
This one really threw me off, though. I even had a niggling bad feeling about this woman's abrasive personality, but I ignored it for some reason. I don't get it. Grrr
Back to step one, one day at a time.
I bet we all know how that feels.
I've come to see that there are so many alcoholics in the world that we are bound to rub shoulders with some frequently. I think the difference between us and the stuck codies (as I used to be) is that now when we realize what's up, we take action and put a good bit of distance between us and them. In the old days I would be: wondering what is wrong with me; blaming myself for not being accepting enough; trying to talk to them and get them to understand the problem; thinking that I was in a special position to "help" them and show them a new way; thinking that if they saw how much they hurt me, they would change; sticking around and suffering and wondering why I was always victimized. Now I say to myself, "Whoa, not again, not gonna get myself in that quicksand!" and I get the heck out of Dodge. Sounds like you have the same awareness. So great in taking care of yourself!
I am and will always be surrounded by active A's - it runs in my family and I do tons of service work for that side of the house. I typically am able to process the chaos, and then find gratitude that I've found a better way to live. I find many folks who are not A's exhaustive and the same applies - use my program and boundaries for self-preservation and then gratitude I don't live like that any more!
Keep coming back - your post also reminded me of the three A(s) - Awareness, Acceptance and Action. Great plan to return to Step 1 - always helpful to remember we are powerless over others and can only change us!!!
Living and working where I do, I am surrounded by active alcoholics. It helps me to ask "Is what they are upset about my reality?" and if it is not, I just dismiss their reaction as "not mine, not for me" and move on. (Granted, this process takes days sometimes!) Writing and talking about it really helps me as well.