My husband of twenty years is a great guy...when he's sober. I love him. I don't want to leave him. But I feel like every stupid cliche out there. We don't go out much. I make excuses. I feel stupid.
Curlyblu said
Sep 5, 2017
I can so relate. Months ago I went to my first meeting. Walked in, walked out....did that three times before I finally got in my car and drove away.
At that time I wasn't ready. I didn't keep coming here...reading.....learning..... I'm not done learning. I take what I can apply to me, and leave the rest.
I hope you find this group of encouragement, the shares here to see, I am not alone. Though the journey is different to each, we each are healing.
El said
Sep 5, 2017
Hello Ctmom!
It took me awhile to finally get to a meeting a couple of years ago. I thought about it for months before I knew I had to do something because I was so miserable. My husband is also a great guy and I love him. Unfortunately, the "great" part gets buried under all the insanity surrounding the disease of alcoholism.
The meetings are pure relief. We still can't "fix" our loved ones, but we can learn how to take care of our own sanity and to know we are not alone and it is not hopeless. We CAN be happy and fulfilled while we move through our individual situations.
Each group tends to have its own dynamic, and I have most recently found a group I feel totally at home with. The welcoming support, experience and diversity of the members is just fantastic. There is no judgement and everyone TOTALLY understands.
There is no shame in reaching out to gain the tools and support while living with this awful disease.
Keep coming back!
Ellen
hotrod said
Sep 5, 2017
HI CtMom Welcome, After living with the disease of alcoholism many of us become affected in a negative manner and need a program of recovery of our own. You are not stupid ,and by attending alanon meetings you will find your self esteem will be restored and you will discover that you are not alone and are an intelligent, wise, compassionate person .
Face to face meetings helped to restore my self worth and sanity. I urge you to attend. Please do keep coming back here as well.
Jerry F said
Sep 5, 2017
I also had to re-learn what sanity was all about Ctmom and then learn how to put what I was learning into practice. I took me two trips and many hours of fighting what I was learning and from those I was learning it. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what alcoholism was and how it moved and sounded like. I was born and raised in the disease and that was normal...everything else was strange to me as it should have been. Al-Anon meetings contained thoughts and language which were so foreign and it drove me crazy and at times crazier than the disease did however the meetings have many directions and guidance phrases and suggestions that help bring sanity back into our lives. One of them was and still is "If you keep and open-mind...you will find help". I practice open mindedness daily and have since 1979 when I first found my chair and didn't have the where with all to get out of it. Please keep coming back and turn up the moxie to get into the face to face groups and let them hold you up. A miracle is coming. ((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 6th of September 2017 03:46:45 PM
Junenine said
Sep 5, 2017
i hope you go. in the meetings i've found countless people who truly understand the situations we face with partners and loved ones... they get it. you are not alone. it's easy to get isolated and self-critical. it's easy to lose perspective. keep coming back here, too. wishing you all the best.
Bo said
Sep 6, 2017
Welcome ctmom. Go! The answers you are seeking, the problems you want to get resolved, the issues that you want to get a handle on and address, all of that and more...are inside the rooms of face to face al-anon meetings. More importantly, there is nothing to be afraid of. The people you will see and meet have been through exactly what you are going through. They have seen, felt, heard, and experienced exactly what you have. They are not strangers...they are friends you just haven't met yet. Youl will feel a camaraderie, a bond, a warmth, a feeling of belonging, a feeling of "I am not alone" and more when you enter the rooms of face to face al-anon meetings.
You will learn what you need to do to get better, to get healthy. Keep coming back.
Lyne said
Sep 6, 2017
Hello and welcome. I was never going to go to a meeting, nor get a sponsor. I occasionally came to this board now and then. And I stayed miserable and sunk deeper into despair and my spouse continued to drink and I accepted being treated like a doormat. Fast forward 4 years, and I am happier, stronger, have improved self-esteem, I'm still with my A, and I have quit being a doormat. I encourage you to get involved with the board and when you can, just try a meeting. If you don't like it, you can leave. You also don't have to talk-you can just listen. Give yourself a chance, Lyne
Iamhere said
Sep 6, 2017
(((ctmom))) - welcome here! I too was afraid to go but my pain was great enough, I knew I had to do something different. All that I tried, and all that I thought did nothing to change up what was going on. It took me a couple meetings to find my groove and move forward. I suggest you find your courage and take an open mind. Listen for as long as you want/need to and look for similarities instead of differences.
I'd been in a 'disease mode of mind' for so long, I listened for the differences....it was a habit - I was a Yeah....but person. I now listen for the message and how I can use what's being shared. Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
Bethany66 said
Sep 6, 2017
ctmom,
I so understand and hear what you are saying. My A is a great man too, but he is not a great man when he is drunk. And it can make for some crazy times, that make me do crazy things.
I would encourage you to face the fear and go to a meeting. My life is so changed because of those weekly meetings where I can share with a group who totally understand, and listen to the experience, strength and hope they offer to me in their shares. Just knowing you are not alone and that this is a very difficult journey is a great relief.
Keep coming here and please go to a face to face meeting. You will feel better.
WestMan said
Sep 6, 2017
Hi CTMom. I can certainly relate to the reluctance to step into your first meeting. If you go, even if you decide Al-Anon isn't for you I don't think you'll regret it. Good luck.
Jen61 said
Sep 6, 2017
It took me a long time also to go. But, once I went I felt such a relief inside. Your first meeting is always the hardest. Best of luck to you.
MizzB said
Sep 10, 2017
When I went to my first meeting I cried all the way through it. Noone judged. And I got hugs at the end from people I'd never spoken to. Do try to take that step. It's worth it to find out you're not alone.
My husband of twenty years is a great guy...when he's sober. I love him. I don't want to leave him. But I feel like every stupid cliche out there. We don't go out much. I make excuses. I feel stupid.
Hello Ctmom!
It took me awhile to finally get to a meeting a couple of years ago. I thought about it for months before I knew I had to do something because I was so miserable. My husband is also a great guy and I love him. Unfortunately, the "great" part gets buried under all the insanity surrounding the disease of alcoholism.
The meetings are pure relief. We still can't "fix" our loved ones, but we can learn how to take care of our own sanity and to know we are not alone and it is not hopeless. We CAN be happy and fulfilled while we move through our individual situations.
Each group tends to have its own dynamic, and I have most recently found a group I feel totally at home with. The welcoming support, experience and diversity of the members is just fantastic. There is no judgement and everyone TOTALLY understands.
There is no shame in reaching out to gain the tools and support while living with this awful disease.
Keep coming back!
Ellen
HI CtMom Welcome, After living with the disease of alcoholism many of us become affected in a negative manner and need a program of recovery of our own. You are not stupid ,and by attending alanon meetings you will find your self esteem will be restored and you will discover that you are not alone and are an intelligent, wise, compassionate person .
Face to face meetings helped to restore my self worth and sanity. I urge you to attend. Please do keep coming back here as well.
I also had to re-learn what sanity was all about Ctmom and then learn how to put what I was learning into practice. I took me two trips and many hours of fighting what I was learning and from those I was learning it. I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know what alcoholism was and how it moved and sounded like. I was born and raised in the disease and that was normal...everything else was strange to me as it should have been. Al-Anon meetings contained thoughts and language which were so foreign and it drove me crazy and at times crazier than the disease did however the meetings have many directions and guidance phrases and suggestions that help bring sanity back into our lives. One of them was and still is "If you keep and open-mind...you will find help". I practice open mindedness daily and have since 1979 when I first found my chair and didn't have the where with all to get out of it. Please keep coming back and turn up the moxie to get into the face to face groups and let them hold you up. A miracle is coming. ((((Hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 6th of September 2017 03:46:45 PM
i hope you go. in the meetings i've found countless people who truly understand the situations we face with partners and loved ones... they get it. you are not alone. it's easy to get isolated and self-critical. it's easy to lose perspective. keep coming back here, too. wishing you all the best.
Welcome ctmom. Go! The answers you are seeking, the problems you want to get resolved, the issues that you want to get a handle on and address, all of that and more...are inside the rooms of face to face al-anon meetings. More importantly, there is nothing to be afraid of. The people you will see and meet have been through exactly what you are going through. They have seen, felt, heard, and experienced exactly what you have. They are not strangers...they are friends you just haven't met yet. Youl will feel a camaraderie, a bond, a warmth, a feeling of belonging, a feeling of "I am not alone" and more when you enter the rooms of face to face al-anon meetings.
You will learn what you need to do to get better, to get healthy. Keep coming back.
I'd been in a 'disease mode of mind' for so long, I listened for the differences....it was a habit - I was a Yeah....but person. I now listen for the message and how I can use what's being shared. Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery!
I so understand and hear what you are saying. My A is a great man too, but he is not a great man when he is drunk. And it can make for some crazy times, that make me do crazy things.
I would encourage you to face the fear and go to a meeting. My life is so changed because of those weekly meetings where I can share with a group who totally understand, and listen to the experience, strength and hope they offer to me in their shares. Just knowing you are not alone and that this is a very difficult journey is a great relief.
Keep coming here and please go to a face to face meeting. You will feel better.