I've been slowly easing into Al-Anon since around April. I'm happy to say that it has been quite helpful. Both the face-to-face meetings and this forum (thank you) have been very good for me. I've been keeping my eyes and ears open for someone who might be a potential sponsor.
I wasn't in a hurry but have recently had some things brewing that made me think I should move it along. Potential separation/divorce, continued drinking by my AW, and other things that are picking up momentum. There are some good guys in my home group but nobody that I had particularly connected with or much related to. But, I decided that I would probably overthink this anyway so just ask someone and if it doesn't work out I can try and find someone else.
I asked a guy who has years of program and is quite a bit older than me. He seems to be committed to his program but is fairly laid back about it as well. I think that will be good for me right now. At other times I think I would have preferred one of those sponsors I hear about who is a bit more rigid, meets with you every week and gives assignments. That would certainly be the kind of push I would have welcomed before to help me stay on track.
I have some concerns but I'll just have to see how it goes. He's a little slow getting back after I leave a message. I don't know him super well but trying to get to know someone through shares could take years. I had called him a couple times and received good Al-Anon based suggestions. He regularly attends my home meeting. I'll see how it goes.
Iamhere said
Aug 28, 2017
Way to go Westman - all that you say sounds great to me! It's true that some sponsors have more time than others - but taking the step is AWESOME! Sending you tons of support, thoughts and prayers as you move forward with your journey...
SerenityRUS said
Aug 28, 2017
GFU!!! Huge step and very exciting in terms of lots of growth if you choose. I find I get out of it what I put into it! Sponsorship is even more than the steps or at least it was for me.
My sponsor was very laid back and worked with me with more ESH and as we talked more as long as I remained teachable I never hung up the phone where I didn't learn something and now it's even more clear to me what she gave me and how she taught me wasn't traditional .. however it was what I needed.
Hugs S :)
Jerry F said
Aug 28, 2017
We all start somewhere and this isn't a perfect program for imperfect members. Be dedicated to your recovery goals and stay on them constantly. One of the consequences of working a good program is that you get to live and live sanely. Keep on keeping on. (((hugs)))
Bo said
Aug 28, 2017
Congratulations. Progress, not perfection. Baby steps. You're moving in the right direction...keep it up.
hotrod said
Aug 28, 2017
Good Job Westman I am happy for you.
Aline said
Aug 29, 2017
Thanks for the share Westman, it got me thinking that I'm probably way overthinking about approaching someone as a sponsor since my no. 1 choice who I did approach isn't available for the time being. I suppose I just made things a lot more complicated in my head than it is. It had to be just the "right" person, you see, because I'm supposed to get pretty close to them, and I'm afraid of trying to get close to someone - that makes me vulnerable. Anyway, good for you ;)
DavidG said
Aug 29, 2017
Good on you, mate! The illness sometimes cuts us off from the rest of the world. Since this happens slowly we do not always notice this.
I had a really super sponsor, who is still a friend. We have bin through so much together... got beyond friend into soulmate... sublime... ...
WestMan said
Aug 29, 2017
Hi Aline, I understand how you feel although the first person I asked was available. Sorry yours wasn't but I'm sure you'll find someone. I've seen a lot of good suggestions here on things to consider before asking someone. The slogans helped me too. "Let go and let God" being one. If I'm overthinking it and waiting to find "the one" this is a sign to me that I'm putting a lot of expectations on what this relationship is going to be and what kind of person my sponsor should be. That brings up another slogan about "expectations are future resentments".
Also, I know some of my teachers in life I haven't particularly gotten along with very well or liked much. So I figured that even if my sponsor was wrong there will still be lessons for me there. That said I think my situation is a bit more stable than some other's so my need for additional support is fairly low and if my situation where different I'd probably want someone who was quick to respond to messages and empathetic.
I've been slowly easing into Al-Anon since around April. I'm happy to say that it has been quite helpful. Both the face-to-face meetings and this forum (thank you) have been very good for me. I've been keeping my eyes and ears open for someone who might be a potential sponsor.
I wasn't in a hurry but have recently had some things brewing that made me think I should move it along. Potential separation/divorce, continued drinking by my AW, and other things that are picking up momentum. There are some good guys in my home group but nobody that I had particularly connected with or much related to. But, I decided that I would probably overthink this anyway so just ask someone and if it doesn't work out I can try and find someone else.
I asked a guy who has years of program and is quite a bit older than me. He seems to be committed to his program but is fairly laid back about it as well. I think that will be good for me right now. At other times I think I would have preferred one of those sponsors I hear about who is a bit more rigid, meets with you every week and gives assignments. That would certainly be the kind of push I would have welcomed before to help me stay on track.
I have some concerns but I'll just have to see how it goes. He's a little slow getting back after I leave a message. I don't know him super well but trying to get to know someone through shares could take years. I had called him a couple times and received good Al-Anon based suggestions. He regularly attends my home meeting. I'll see how it goes.
My sponsor was very laid back and worked with me with more ESH and as we talked more as long as I remained teachable I never hung up the phone where I didn't learn something and now it's even more clear to me what she gave me and how she taught me wasn't traditional .. however it was what I needed.
Hugs S :)
We all start somewhere and this isn't a perfect program for imperfect members. Be dedicated to your recovery goals and stay on them constantly. One of the consequences of working a good program is that you get to live and live sanely. Keep on keeping on. (((hugs)))
Good on you, mate!
The illness sometimes cuts us off from the rest of the world. Since this happens slowly we do not always notice this.
I had a really super sponsor, who is still a friend. We have bin through so much together... got beyond friend into soulmate... sublime...
...
Hi Aline, I understand how you feel although the first person I asked was available. Sorry yours wasn't but I'm sure you'll find someone. I've seen a lot of good suggestions here on things to consider before asking someone. The slogans helped me too. "Let go and let God" being one. If I'm overthinking it and waiting to find "the one" this is a sign to me that I'm putting a lot of expectations on what this relationship is going to be and what kind of person my sponsor should be. That brings up another slogan about "expectations are future resentments".
Also, I know some of my teachers in life I haven't particularly gotten along with very well or liked much. So I figured that even if my sponsor was wrong there will still be lessons for me there. That said I think my situation is a bit more stable than some other's so my need for additional support is fairly low and if my situation where different I'd probably want someone who was quick to respond to messages and empathetic.