One big red flag for me anymore are people who say I don't do drama .. LOL .. I look for the keyholes of drama going on in their life. I have drama in mine that is not mine and it irritates me a great deal. Trust me when I say yes .. I have drama and no I really don't enjoy it .. I think it's one of those things I have lived with for so long that I might not know how to respond if it wasn't there .. lol. I do have drama and it's exhausting .. I have learned how to manage it better and where to leave it and where to take it. Most of the time I acknowledge it what my part is and just let it go. At this point it's becoming very personal (they are at name calling which is not about me .. however I just don't do bullies .. I am fat, ugly and look like I'm 60 years old .. this is how petty it's all getting) and the other person involved is mentally unwell. I would go as far as to say a prescription drug addict because if you seriously need a suitcase of pills to survive .. you might want to try something different. We are not talking about cancer, HIV, or those types of diseases. I have never seen a family so fast to pop a pill over anything. Paper cut .. there is a pill for that .. LOL. It is really like that big time. I could take a lengthy list of their inventory .. just dealing with it at the moment has really put things into perspective. I do not want to be THAT woman .. it's very sad to watch and I believe that the God of my understanding brings certain people into my life to remind me of what I could have become without Alanon as a guidance and how grateful I am for my own self awareness and ability to acknowledge not only my strengths my short comings as well.
I am handling it and leaving it at this point. Should it be continued to be engaged they are not going to enjoy what comes next .. at this point I need a place to take ALL of my current frustration regarding what I'm dealing with between sending kiddo off to school and her mental health issues as well as knowing my XAH is just skating through with no regards for anyone else. So having a place to release my rage .. great for me .. not so great for this person and oh Lord the amends would be worth it at this point. My personality being what it is .. I'm really ok with that. It's annoying at this point and now my oldest is getting dragged into it via texting, not to her, and they are lucky about that .. LOL. My BF is not getting I don't want to be a part of it. I think he's about to get the clearer picture that I REALLY don't want to be a part of it.
So on top of everything else .. I'm really focusing on learning what is mine .. what is not and addressing what is mine. As well as how to set boundaries for the peace not only I deserve that my kids deserve as well. This is a big weekend. Girl is going to college. We have been to multiple Dr's visits the past week in which I know more than I want to about anxiety/late onset Tourette's which my daughter may or may not have as she has not been diagnosed yet with anything outside of anxiety. Work has been incredibly stressful and my son just started 8th grade and there is no bus AGAIN .. how do I move to a place that has bus service just not for my kid .. LOL? The appointments keep coming and we will address one thing at a time. She is now dating a young man her age who I REALLY like .. I mean .. he's a good guy. I just hope she understands she deserves to be treated the way he's treating her. LOL .. that has actually made me do a double take on my own dating life. This has not been fast and furious .. this has been what I call a healthy pace. He's always over picking her up to do things and I love what a hard worker and how goal oriented he is in his own life. He's a smart kid.
Anyway .. life is not horrible .. it's just not easy at the moment and it will get better.
Hugs S :)
Iamhere said
Aug 18, 2017
Serenity - I'm a red flag for you then as I really, really don't do drama. When I am discontent with a conversation, I will walk away. When others are acting different than I can tolerate, I walk away. When I get text messages that push my buttons, I don't respond. I have even blocked my family members when they are clearly at a chaotic part of their lives, and have no regrets.
My experience is that nothing good comes from drama - and I define it as unnecessary reactions to live events. As with all things, I need to keep my life, my relationships as simple as possible. I define drama simply too. I feel as if surviving the disease brought me enough chaos, pain, drama and reactionary moments to outlast me and I don't do it any more.
I'm a very direct person and Al-Anon has given me a clamp for my sharp tongue. However, there is nothing wrong with saying, "I am uncomfortable with this (conversation, text, message, etc.) and am leaving now or taking a break or choose to not participate." I have weeded out many in my circle who appear to live for drama and chaos. They are stuck in a perpetual cycle of doom/gloom and just can't get out of it. They don't want to leave it, it's as much an addiction as alcohol/drugs. My best course of action is to be as kind as I can be, remain neutral, have no input and remove myself as soon as possible.
Life is too short and full of great things for me to be pulled down by the inklings of others. I really do all that I can today to stick with winners as our program suggests and pray for those still struggling with life on life's terms. (((Hugs))) - you're doing what we do - using your program....you will get through this and I do agree - our society does seem to always look for a 'pill' for that. It drives me crazy as I sit here and contemplate how bad my head-ache is before I even take tylenol! I am one who chooses natural remedies where possible, yet I don't judge others who 'fly different'.....not my job to fix, change, judge them - just taking care of me is a full time job.
SerenityRUS said
Aug 18, 2017
when I was dating a big red flag was the statement on the profile of I don't do drama .. lol. I learned pretty quick based upon experience that meant there was an issue there with something. Digging deeper usually brought it out. I am learning what to walk away from unfortunately I don't like other people's stuff leaking on me or my kids. There is an unhealthy fixation on my daughter that continues to come up. This just started along with the fixation on me that has been there and it's whatever. My daughter who has zero to do with the situation is off limits. Period. I do have the expectation that it should be handled and not be left to fester and whatever that means to call an end to it. Which boundaries and changed behavior help those changes naturally. So I'm hoping this ends sooner than later however if necessary I will have it legally handled .. it's not where I choose to put my focus today.
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 18, 2017
Sending you cyber hugs, Serenity! Sounds like a crazy mess, but I know that you have the tools to deal with it! I have always thought that you were as strong as a rock! Good luck to your kiddos in school! Mine went back yesterday...senior year! ((((Serenity))))
KT2015 said
Aug 18, 2017
Hey Serenity,
I really loved the honesty of your post and how you are handling things so gracefully. Way to work your program. I too believe that my higher power brings people and situations into my life to teach me and sometimes I want to scream "OK OK I GET IT I GET IT" lol. Hang in there. I think you are doing great.
a4l said
Aug 18, 2017
Hugs. I'm super sensitive to criticism initially, even if its logically ridiculous.
You have a lot on! Sending you warmth.
Bo said
Aug 18, 2017
I think even with a lot of stuff going on -- we can avoid drama, and it sounds like you are handling what needs to be handled. You are addressing -- what needs to be addressed -- in a healthy way, from a healthy perspective. Good for you. Well, I am thankful to say that today -- I don't do drama, I am highly allergic to it, and I keep that very much in check. I had so much in my life -- and knew it, admitted it, etc. -- that I will just never go back there. Sure, I've seen people -- like my ex-gf who tells everyone she meets she doesn't do drama, that everyone she knows is a drama-queen or king, that she doesn't, never, get involved or participate in drama or drama people. That said, from an objective standpoint -- she is the biggest drama person I have ever met in my life! LOL. And, give her a few drinks, and look out!!!
After getting out of a very unhealthy, toxic, unacceptable behavior and manipulative relationship...I did a Blueprint For Progress...and some additional work on myself, with my friend from program, who happens to be a top notch coach...and I became very aware of drama. I started dating and was able to get a very keen awareness around it, almost immediately. I checked and made sure I had objectivity, and I was so healthy that it helped me really get a handle on drama, what someone brought to the table, unhealthy aspects, and so on. This last time "my dating" was what I call very successful. I didn't date just for the sake of dating, or just so I had plans on Saturday night. I didn't date anyone who I didn't really "like" as a person or who brought too much unhealthy, drama, etc., to the table -- and if I didn't see it when I first met them, I did see on the first date, on a rare occasion, the second. I only dated people who I had a connection with or someone who fit my A profile. I didn't want to date anyone just "for no reason" or who I didn't think I'd want to keep dating or had the potential for something more than a date or three. This was all part of my recovery. I am so grateful.
I like the focusing on me part, what is mine and not mine. One issue, one thing, the next thing in front of you, at a time.
Thanks for posting.
-- Edited by Bo on Friday 18th of August 2017 07:38:55 PM
andromeda said
Aug 20, 2017
Oh girl, you have a lot going on! I feel your pain. My kid starts college this week, too, and is battling his anxiety big time as well as his Tourette's tics. Please reach out to me if you want to know more about Tourette's or tic disorders in general. As you've often told me, she's on her own path that God has her on. I hear you on the struggling but dang, you work a strong program and I always love to hear how you're applying program to your life because it inspires me to to do the same. Super big hugs, mom......you've got this!
One big red flag for me anymore are people who say I don't do drama .. LOL .. I look for the keyholes of drama going on in their life. I have drama in mine that is not mine and it irritates me a great deal. Trust me when I say yes .. I have drama and no I really don't enjoy it .. I think it's one of those things I have lived with for so long that I might not know how to respond if it wasn't there .. lol. I do have drama and it's exhausting .. I have learned how to manage it better and where to leave it and where to take it. Most of the time I acknowledge it what my part is and just let it go. At this point it's becoming very personal (they are at name calling which is not about me .. however I just don't do bullies .. I am fat, ugly and look like I'm 60 years old .. this is how petty it's all getting) and the other person involved is mentally unwell. I would go as far as to say a prescription drug addict because if you seriously need a suitcase of pills to survive .. you might want to try something different. We are not talking about cancer, HIV, or those types of diseases. I have never seen a family so fast to pop a pill over anything. Paper cut .. there is a pill for that .. LOL. It is really like that big time. I could take a lengthy list of their inventory .. just dealing with it at the moment has really put things into perspective. I do not want to be THAT woman .. it's very sad to watch and I believe that the God of my understanding brings certain people into my life to remind me of what I could have become without Alanon as a guidance and how grateful I am for my own self awareness and ability to acknowledge not only my strengths my short comings as well.
I am handling it and leaving it at this point. Should it be continued to be engaged they are not going to enjoy what comes next .. at this point I need a place to take ALL of my current frustration regarding what I'm dealing with between sending kiddo off to school and her mental health issues as well as knowing my XAH is just skating through with no regards for anyone else. So having a place to release my rage .. great for me .. not so great for this person and oh Lord the amends would be worth it at this point. My personality being what it is .. I'm really ok with that. It's annoying at this point and now my oldest is getting dragged into it via texting, not to her, and they are lucky about that .. LOL. My BF is not getting I don't want to be a part of it. I think he's about to get the clearer picture that I REALLY don't want to be a part of it.
So on top of everything else .. I'm really focusing on learning what is mine .. what is not and addressing what is mine. As well as how to set boundaries for the peace not only I deserve that my kids deserve as well. This is a big weekend. Girl is going to college. We have been to multiple Dr's visits the past week in which I know more than I want to about anxiety/late onset Tourette's which my daughter may or may not have as she has not been diagnosed yet with anything outside of anxiety. Work has been incredibly stressful and my son just started 8th grade and there is no bus AGAIN .. how do I move to a place that has bus service just not for my kid .. LOL? The appointments keep coming and we will address one thing at a time. She is now dating a young man her age who I REALLY like .. I mean .. he's a good guy. I just hope she understands she deserves to be treated the way he's treating her. LOL .. that has actually made me do a double take on my own dating life. This has not been fast and furious .. this has been what I call a healthy pace. He's always over picking her up to do things and I love what a hard worker and how goal oriented he is in his own life. He's a smart kid.
Anyway .. life is not horrible .. it's just not easy at the moment and it will get better.
Hugs S :)
My experience is that nothing good comes from drama - and I define it as unnecessary reactions to live events. As with all things, I need to keep my life, my relationships as simple as possible. I define drama simply too. I feel as if surviving the disease brought me enough chaos, pain, drama and reactionary moments to outlast me and I don't do it any more.
I'm a very direct person and Al-Anon has given me a clamp for my sharp tongue. However, there is nothing wrong with saying, "I am uncomfortable with this (conversation, text, message, etc.) and am leaving now or taking a break or choose to not participate." I have weeded out many in my circle who appear to live for drama and chaos. They are stuck in a perpetual cycle of doom/gloom and just can't get out of it. They don't want to leave it, it's as much an addiction as alcohol/drugs. My best course of action is to be as kind as I can be, remain neutral, have no input and remove myself as soon as possible.
Life is too short and full of great things for me to be pulled down by the inklings of others. I really do all that I can today to stick with winners as our program suggests and pray for those still struggling with life on life's terms. (((Hugs))) - you're doing what we do - using your program....you will get through this and I do agree - our society does seem to always look for a 'pill' for that. It drives me crazy as I sit here and contemplate how bad my head-ache is before I even take tylenol! I am one who chooses natural remedies where possible, yet I don't judge others who 'fly different'.....not my job to fix, change, judge them - just taking care of me is a full time job.
I really loved the honesty of your post and how you are handling things so gracefully. Way to work your program. I too believe that my higher power brings people and situations into my life to teach me and sometimes I want to scream "OK OK I GET IT I GET IT" lol. Hang in there. I think you are doing great.
I think even with a lot of stuff going on -- we can avoid drama, and it sounds like you are handling what needs to be handled. You are addressing -- what needs to be addressed -- in a healthy way, from a healthy perspective. Good for you. Well, I am thankful to say that today -- I don't do drama, I am highly allergic to it, and I keep that very much in check. I had so much in my life -- and knew it, admitted it, etc. -- that I will just never go back there. Sure, I've seen people -- like my ex-gf who tells everyone she meets she doesn't do drama, that everyone she knows is a drama-queen or king, that she doesn't, never, get involved or participate in drama or drama people. That said, from an objective standpoint -- she is the biggest drama person I have ever met in my life! LOL. And, give her a few drinks, and look out!!!
After getting out of a very unhealthy, toxic, unacceptable behavior and manipulative relationship...I did a Blueprint For Progress...and some additional work on myself, with my friend from program, who happens to be a top notch coach...and I became very aware of drama. I started dating and was able to get a very keen awareness around it, almost immediately. I checked and made sure I had objectivity, and I was so healthy that it helped me really get a handle on drama, what someone brought to the table, unhealthy aspects, and so on. This last time "my dating" was what I call very successful. I didn't date just for the sake of dating, or just so I had plans on Saturday night. I didn't date anyone who I didn't really "like" as a person or who brought too much unhealthy, drama, etc., to the table -- and if I didn't see it when I first met them, I did see on the first date, on a rare occasion, the second. I only dated people who I had a connection with or someone who fit my A profile. I didn't want to date anyone just "for no reason" or who I didn't think I'd want to keep dating or had the potential for something more than a date or three. This was all part of my recovery. I am so grateful.
I like the focusing on me part, what is mine and not mine. One issue, one thing, the next thing in front of you, at a time.
Thanks for posting.
-- Edited by Bo on Friday 18th of August 2017 07:38:55 PM