I've spoke about emotional sobriety, how long I've been "clean and sober" from my unhealthy thinking, behavior, etc. To me, this is important. I have my triggers too -- I can be triggered by people, places, things, an innocent passing comment, who knows what else. I know when I have a "slip" -- I have to have tremendous focus and clarity around that. I have to have laser precision awareness...because it is a slippery slope and in a nanosecond I can be "back in a bad place" so to speak. My stinking thinking takes over, my mind starts racing, and I am thinking unhealthy things. This can consume me. This can lead to unhealthy behavior.
I know when I have a relapse. I know when I have a slip. I have to be. It is the difference between me facing and moving in the right and healthy direction, and me facing and moving in the wrong and unhealthy direction. For me, the most common, frequent occurrence -- it is the moment I focus on the other person -- that's it!!! Right there. It happens in less than the blink of an eye. BANG! I immediately start thinking about the other person. What are they doing, who are they with, they took a day off work, why?, did they go away with someone, how come they haven't called, texted, why did she do this, why did she say that, why did I put up with that for so long, she was wrong, I got screwed, and so on and so on and so on.
So...do you know when you have a relapse and/or a slip? Tell me about it. What triggers it? What do you do about it?
Thank you in advance.
Jerry F said
Aug 16, 2017
Bo when I drift off of or loose my connection with my Higher Power my creator Father that is when I become susceptible to other powers and find my self in strange places; mind, body, spirit and emotions. It is a relapse for me because before Al-Anon and AA these were the usual places I existed in having to be "different" to be there. Of course when I was there I didn't have the assets and powers of the program to help me out of it and then kept duplicating the illness I lived in and with before program. I went back to the sick condition to live that way again...re lapse. Great post ((((hugs))))
hotrod said
Aug 16, 2017
After many years, I have learned to keep a tight rein on myself and perform a 10 th Step ever yevening so as to guard against my many former slips. it helps.
Iamhere said
Aug 16, 2017
I too do step work each morning and evening with the intent of protecting my serenity and sanity. Life (people, places and things) happen around me. I know I am spiritually fit when they rise up, and one of my first 3 thoughts is can I or how can I be of service.
I consciously pray for and think of others often. The spiritual awakening given to us by this program allows me to do this with compassion/kindness instead of anxiety/resentment. Using the tools of this program, especially a great sponsor and the steps has freed me from that bondage of self.
Your post Bo reminds me of the AA promises. When I feel these within me, I know I'm in the right place. I will always have some level of reactive distorted thoughts - I accept that. It's what I do with them that matters to my serenity/program.
AA Promises for anyone unfamiliiar:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Thanks for the post and the shares above me!
mamalioness said
Aug 16, 2017
I just hope for progress and learning and management on a daily basis...i am sober one day at a time and even THEN, I can go down the CoDa rabbit hole....for me..that is all I can do...Even with the hard work I do for me, I am susceptible to have mini relapses, (see the post---I let him go re: my brother) I got into stinking thing...set up by my grieving over my dead sister...I felt abandoned by mybrother whom I KNOW loves me and wants to be my brother..I showed up here and posted about it because I KNEW my recovery family would help me get back on track---they did....I am one trigger away from hitting the disease again...with me??? the best I can do to keep it in remission is to ----work program for all its worth....self talk....LOTS of checking in with me, body, mind, spirit, emotions as Jerry listed on another post.....also being brutally honest, and open to new ideas (I can later take what works and leave the rest) and also to be WILLING to , when something does resonate/work for me, EMBRACE it...PRACTICE it.....and even then, its a one day at a time proposition....it can happen from out of nowhere....a nasty remark by another...an unwanted change (BOY had lots of THOSE happen to me) dietary indiscretion that gives me a sugar high, hence more anxiety and more vulnerability...lack of sleep, the list goes on and on as to the potential triggers that can set me down the CoDa hole.....and with me its not just people, it is places, circumstances and things, even, where I can take it so personally, like some ugly, capricious deity is "out to get me--see how much I can take b4 I break" oh yea, i can really become a mess in a hurry, so I come here and I post and I share the good, bad,ugly and I get GREAT feedback, support, new ideas, etc., and I learn ANOTHER thing.....it took me a loooong time to get this sick...now I believe the sustained and long trauma "hard wired" me and it could be inherited as well...All I know is that the software parts of my mind, emotions, BRAIN are messed up , compromised and I have to ACCEPT and respond with self care, and the therapy of the program and peer to peer support here...I CAN overcome some of my issues and I have...Some, all I can hope for is remission and/or management....on a DAY to DAY basis......thats my take.........thank you for this thread..................
_bunny_ said
Aug 16, 2017
Thank you for sharing (((Bo))), for me a slip has happened when ego/my will are in control, my thinking is in the past or future, I'm not present, but they pass as I become aware and accepting of them, and put my focus back on today. People, places and things are my triggers so I also do a 10th step in the evenings and throughout the day as I slip up.
Bo said
Aug 16, 2017
Thank you everyone...excellent insight and perspective.
Most of my slips take the form of the so called "stinking thinking" -- however, occasionally, and thankfully it is rare, I do get more in a bad place than just stinking thinking. It can be triggered by someone, a comment, an incident, or a crisis. Most of the time it takes a crisis to get me into a bad place. Old behaviors come back, old thinking comes back...and they are unhealthy.
Thanks.
a4l said
Aug 16, 2017
I'd add my behavior changes beforehand. I eat less, start isolating, procrastinate. That's right before a relapse. Sometimes stress from other things makes me vulnerable.
KT2015 said
Aug 16, 2017
interesting post. My sponsor helped me identify early on what signals to me that my life is unmanageable. When I was working step one with my sponsor we talked a lot about that and now I have become able to identify it earlier than I used to. My life is unmanageable when I am not taking care of myself. That's when I know it's time to go to step 1 and do the first three steps around whatever it is I am focusing on. I honestly believe in the slogan progress not perfection. I am a lot more accepting of my slips than I used to be. I've come to realize that I learn from every mistake that I make and I am always going to make mistakes. I'm not perfect and I'm glad I hear that at every meeting "We are not perfect..." for me I need to hear that over and over again to be much more accepting of myself and others. So when I have a "slip" I try to see the bigger learning I can get from it and move forward.
mamalioness said
Aug 16, 2017
Bo, I agree....crisis where I am powerless or can't solve it on my own is my biggest trigger....I still fear not being in control...the old days of my life being so out of control and the horrible results of that...Don't know if I will EVER feel totally safe but I just try to take good care of me to prove to my IC that , that was then...this is now and I CAN take care of me.....my Achilles heel not being in control......
Bo said
Aug 17, 2017
Thanks Rose. I think the "control" factor was a blind spot for me. My sponsor pointed it out and we talked it through. He also brought up the "being right" thing -- and more, feeling wronged, not wanting to be wronged, etc. -- and we spent a lot of time on those. Ultimately, I was able to "let it go" on those, and rid myself of those so called character defects -- but they still trigger me on occasion.
Here I am in FL, enjoying a nice vacation -- and yes, a little business, LOL -- and I get triggered. Beautiful setting, environment, mindset, everything -- and I get triggered. A client, who agreed to email me some paperwork/documentation as soon as he got it. So, he got it, then texted me to call him to discuss, then emailed me, then left me a voice mail -- and said he would send it AFTER he spoke with me. This client likes to control the process, manipulate, etc., and he lacks integrity. So I get triggered. I type out an email...erase it...and simply reply..."will do...will call you ASAP...thanks." and I just let it go. I caught myself and stopped it.
I called the client, let him do what he does, and then I went and enjoyed a wonderful dinner.
Thanks.
a4l said
Aug 18, 2017
Nice. Thanks for that example. I oughta write it on my whiteboard. People are who they are. Let them be. Tolerate. Then continue with agenda.
Doingmybest said
Aug 19, 2017
Hi Bo,
I really like this thread! It is honestly one I need to read a few times to really "digest". I have so many slips that I often wonder how I'm really doing. I do try to keep my calm much more and to remove myself from persons and places which cause me pain. I also try very hard to stop giving my dreaded advice...but I'm still a work in progress. I do stop if I catch mysel and I do try very hard to stop negative self talk. It is hard, really hard! Sometimes I think I'm just not committed enough to the program...others, I think the program is a to each his or her own...take what you like program and that I am just fine.
I will try to be more cognizant of my feelings and my actions and reactions. I trigger so easily in so many ways and I need help in working through those. Mostly though, I use the slogans and the serenity prayer to help when I am in trigger mode.
I've spoke about emotional sobriety, how long I've been "clean and sober" from my unhealthy thinking, behavior, etc. To me, this is important. I have my triggers too -- I can be triggered by people, places, things, an innocent passing comment, who knows what else. I know when I have a "slip" -- I have to have tremendous focus and clarity around that. I have to have laser precision awareness...because it is a slippery slope and in a nanosecond I can be "back in a bad place" so to speak. My stinking thinking takes over, my mind starts racing, and I am thinking unhealthy things. This can consume me. This can lead to unhealthy behavior.
I know when I have a relapse. I know when I have a slip. I have to be. It is the difference between me facing and moving in the right and healthy direction, and me facing and moving in the wrong and unhealthy direction. For me, the most common, frequent occurrence -- it is the moment I focus on the other person -- that's it!!! Right there. It happens in less than the blink of an eye. BANG! I immediately start thinking about the other person. What are they doing, who are they with, they took a day off work, why?, did they go away with someone, how come they haven't called, texted, why did she do this, why did she say that, why did I put up with that for so long, she was wrong, I got screwed, and so on and so on and so on.
So...do you know when you have a relapse and/or a slip? Tell me about it. What triggers it? What do you do about it?
Thank you in advance.
Bo when I drift off of or loose my connection with my Higher Power my creator Father that is when I become susceptible to other powers and find my self in strange places; mind, body, spirit and emotions. It is a relapse for me because before Al-Anon and AA these were the usual places I existed in having to be "different" to be there. Of course when I was there I didn't have the assets and powers of the program to help me out of it and then kept duplicating the illness I lived in and with before program. I went back to the sick condition to live that way again...re lapse. Great post ((((hugs))))
I consciously pray for and think of others often. The spiritual awakening given to us by this program allows me to do this with compassion/kindness instead of anxiety/resentment. Using the tools of this program, especially a great sponsor and the steps has freed me from that bondage of self.
Your post Bo reminds me of the AA promises. When I feel these within me, I know I'm in the right place. I will always have some level of reactive distorted thoughts - I accept that. It's what I do with them that matters to my serenity/program.
AA Promises for anyone unfamiliiar:
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and selfpity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among ussometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
Thanks for the post and the shares above me!
Most of my slips take the form of the so called "stinking thinking" -- however, occasionally, and thankfully it is rare, I do get more in a bad place than just stinking thinking. It can be triggered by someone, a comment, an incident, or a crisis. Most of the time it takes a crisis to get me into a bad place. Old behaviors come back, old thinking comes back...and they are unhealthy.
Thanks.
Bo, I agree....crisis where I am powerless or can't solve it on my own is my biggest trigger....I still fear not being in control...the old days of my life being so out of control and the horrible results of that...Don't know if I will EVER feel totally safe but I just try to take good care of me to prove to my IC that , that was then...this is now and I CAN take care of me.....my Achilles heel not being in control......
Here I am in FL, enjoying a nice vacation -- and yes, a little business, LOL -- and I get triggered. Beautiful setting, environment, mindset, everything -- and I get triggered. A client, who agreed to email me some paperwork/documentation as soon as he got it. So, he got it, then texted me to call him to discuss, then emailed me, then left me a voice mail -- and said he would send it AFTER he spoke with me. This client likes to control the process, manipulate, etc., and he lacks integrity. So I get triggered. I type out an email...erase it...and simply reply..."will do...will call you ASAP...thanks." and I just let it go. I caught myself and stopped it.
I called the client, let him do what he does, and then I went and enjoyed a wonderful dinner.
Thanks.
I really like this thread! It is honestly one I need to read a few times to really "digest". I have so many slips that I often wonder how I'm really doing. I do try to keep my calm much more and to remove myself from persons and places which cause me pain. I also try very hard to stop giving my dreaded advice...but I'm still a work in progress. I do stop if I catch mysel and I do try very hard to stop negative self talk. It is hard, really hard! Sometimes I think I'm just not committed enough to the program...others, I think the program is a to each his or her own...take what you like program and that I am just fine.
I will try to be more cognizant of my feelings and my actions and reactions. I trigger so easily in so many ways and I need help in working through those. Mostly though, I use the slogans and the serenity prayer to help when I am in trigger mode.
Thanks for the topic!