Hi Alanon Family, 

I have had so many changes going on recently it's beginning to feel a bit overwhelming for me. I am not the one initiating these changes but they are things that require my participation. I've been trying to stay in touch with what I'm really feeling, do what is in front of me and remain true to myself. What other people think of me is none of my business right? Hmmmm that's likely where my obsession and insanity began to seep in once again. I began to worry what was going to be thought of me if I didn't cooperate in the way that would be meeting the expectations of others. The more I projected the fallout from saying no or saying this is what I am prepared to offer, the more obsessed I became about how negatively it might be received. I just hate being in this emotional place - when I become so uncomfortable and so resentful of others who through dysfunction force me to take a stand and state what that stand is. In my life, these are unrecovering family members. Thankfully, I am far enough along in the program that I don't actually invite people into my life who blindside me with drama. With that said, I spent all of Saturday outwardly focused on the crazy making of others making myself crazy. Hmmm whose fault it that?  Then bf got sick from something he ate and our plans were off concerning blowing off a little steam in the great outdoors in order to hand over family members to our hp.  It happened suddenly and I had no plan B. This just left me in that Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr place!  Can't read Alanon literature with my eyes closed, arms folded and in that hmmphft mood. lol I just hate that this happens every so often. I let old insecurities get the best of me and I worry what others will think of me if I say no.

Sunday by the grace of hp, the stinking thinking had lifted. I think it was better on Sunday morning because bf and I discussed just what we were willing and not willing to do concerning the upcoming family event "happy occassion." I discovered he was having the same feelings of discomfort and uncertainty and we came to an agreement that we would choose what was best for us, state what we were willing to do and not feel guilty about it. Bf called his dau (it's her event) to give her this information. She told him she would get back to him concerning it all. Either way, our decision is firm. In the afternoon I asked him if he felt as I did that a tremendous weight had been lifted since telling her of our choice. He said definitely. So, yes people pleasing makes me sick. My dis-ease can affect me physically, emotionally and spiritually. And then I find myself saying, well there's hours of time and serenity I can't get back. To thine own self be true. It is soooo important!  Ty hp for pulling me through this and restoring my sanity.  Thanks for letting me share.  ((hugs))  TT

There is nothing about your share that I don't appreciate and will not use when I need to.  This is old timers magic for me...it works because you worked it, both of you.  "Yay".  It brought back some old memories of people pleasing to manipulate and control and then that is soooo far in the past.  Good for you and for us by you bringing it here.   ((((hugs)))) 

hey TT,  yea, I see awareness, acceptance, and action in your post....nice share on taking care of you in all this.....food poisoning is the worst....I've been there, done that, take out food places can be my undoing, LOL....keep on keeping on....your doing a good job....HUGS

Thanks (((everyone)))) I so appreciate your response. Life really does come with an instruction book doesn't it :)  So glad we have our guides - the program, hp and one another. TT

Thanks ((bud))) TT