One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on headphones and they remind me I'm a valuable person, that I'm in a crazy situation and that I'm strong enough to get through whatever the current crisis. While most are not about alcoholism, the words of others in difficult situations with a catchy tune empower me and make me feel less alone. THey can also (depending on the song) help me give more compassion to ABF.
Current songs that help are "Human" by Rag N Bone Man ('I'm only human, don't put your blame on me"
"Mad Season" by Matchbox 20 (" I feel stupid but I know it won't last for long"
"Die Trying" by Dave Matthews Band ("To change the world starts with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all. Once you get your gait you'll be walking tall"
Iamhere said
Aug 11, 2017
MizzB - I too lean into music often....I've been a long time fan of rock and roll - and feel as if today's artist in that genre are lacking (yes....biased as a child of the 60s, 70s, 80s.....
I've gotten into some Christian Rock that helps me on my journey!!
Really like Casting Crowns - Just Be Held, Who Am I, Glorious Day, Broken Together, Oh My Soul.....
Enjoy making your playlist - I listen while I get ready, vacuum, work-out, etc. I too struggle to quiet my heart, mind and soul so do as you do....look for strength in music/lyrics!
(((Hugs)))
Lyne said
Aug 11, 2017
This is a wonderful suggestion, using music to promote sanity and stop the noise. I use it also, along with taped shows and movies, and of course, we have all the tools from Alanon in our toolbox. Realizing I have a variety of options to quiet my mind is so helpful. Feeling desperate and depressed, which I know well, can soften or disappear altogether . The trick is awareness-that I am sinking and need a life preserver . Then I can see lots of choices for help! I imagine enjoyment and uses of music stretch around the globe. What a gift! Thanks for your share, Lyne
Jill said
Aug 11, 2017
I agree wholeheartedly.
At my lowest, I couldn't bear music with lyrics. It was then I leaned on my favorite classical composers and listened only to instrumental. (Some of them I even sang out loud, grateful the musicians could not hear me.) My mind was engaged with something other than what I'd been fussing about. Beauty is healing.
Alongthose lines, I try to sing out loud for 15 - 20 minutes at a stretch. It makes me feel better. I don't know why it works, but it's one of the things I happily accept.
bud said
Aug 11, 2017
How I envy you - I love music but have often found it painful to listen to when I'm alone. I hope to overcome this.
Aline said
Aug 11, 2017
I have found the band Tool to be healing (not to mention they are one of my absolute favorites! Although I guess they're not for everyone, they're pretty heavy), their song "Lateralus" is really something, I have found it quite healing and energizing on several occasions when I felt beaten. Incidentally, they also have a song titled "Sober", which is exactly about what it says in the title, so appropriate in the context of Alanon, I think :)
Iamhere said
Aug 11, 2017
Hey bud - I too went through a phase where music made me sad when I was alone.....as part of the process of recovery, I switched up my thinking and also switched up my genre a bit. It did bring joy back. I also could not look at family photos, albums, school papers, etc. for a while. It just seemed to trigger sadness. It did all get better as I continued my recovery journey...
I hear you - (((hugs)))!
a4l said
Aug 11, 2017
Oh how I love the title to this post!
Yes music. I can never feel bad listening to reggae. Was raised on it along with most of the brown population in new Zealand. The rolling stones also perk me up as I dance around my living room like a boss lol not! I went to pick up a few CDs the other day and my daughter had stolen top twenty country hits unknown to me. Turned it around and it featured a track called " you're the reason our kids are ugly", omg!!
Needless to say that got returned on account of it firstly being nicked (she's 3) and because that album is definitely not my happy place.
Thanks for the thread!
One thing I have found useful for many years - even before ABF was in my life - is music. I'm not a fan of meditation and mindfulness - I've never really found I can empty my head enough to make it a peaceful time. So I use music instead. I am currently putting together a list of songs that help. I can put them on headphones and they remind me I'm a valuable person, that I'm in a crazy situation and that I'm strong enough to get through whatever the current crisis. While most are not about alcoholism, the words of others in difficult situations with a catchy tune empower me and make me feel less alone. THey can also (depending on the song) help me give more compassion to ABF.
Current songs that help are "Human" by Rag N Bone Man ('I'm only human, don't put your blame on me"
"Mad Season" by Matchbox 20 (" I feel stupid but I know it won't last for long"
"Die Trying" by Dave Matthews Band ("To change the world starts with one step. However small, first step is hardest of all. Once you get your gait you'll be walking tall"
I've gotten into some Christian Rock that helps me on my journey!!
Really like Casting Crowns - Just Be Held, Who Am I, Glorious Day, Broken Together, Oh My Soul.....
Enjoy making your playlist - I listen while I get ready, vacuum, work-out, etc. I too struggle to quiet my heart, mind and soul so do as you do....look for strength in music/lyrics!
(((Hugs)))
At my lowest, I couldn't bear music with lyrics. It was then I leaned on my favorite classical composers and listened only to instrumental. (Some of them I even sang out loud, grateful the musicians could not hear me.) My mind was engaged with something other than what I'd been fussing about. Beauty is healing.
Alongthose lines, I try to sing out loud for 15 - 20 minutes at a stretch. It makes me feel better. I don't know why it works, but it's one of the things I happily accept.
I hear you - (((hugs)))!