Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fear, and that others in the room shared characteristics with the author. The author realized that they did not need to lie about who they were in these meetings, because others in the room were like them. Eventually, the author was able to live for inner peace instead of outward appearances.
This feeling of not being able to be myself around others really rings true for me. Rejection usually followed when I was open and honest, and so I learned to keep myself protected and hidden, showing only what I thought would be easily accepted by those around me. I live and work in 2 different languages and 2 different cultures, and it felt like I had 2 different personalities, one that was easily acceptable to each culture. Through my work in AlAnon, I have discovered that neither of these personalities is really me, and I have been working toward a better understanding of myself. It is freeing to know that I am acceptable as I am, and that I have found a group of affirmative people who travel the road of recovery and self discovery with me.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
Iamhere said
Aug 9, 2017
Thank you Skorpi for the daily, your service and your ESH. I remember clearly thinking I had no idea who I really was when others who came before me suggested this was a journey of self-examination and self-change....I had a little fear as I had worn so many 'titles' over the years - daughter, sister, cousin, mom, wife, employee to the outside world and then even more 'titles' in the home - laundry queen, momanager, scheduler, cook, etc.
It made me uncomfortable and a bit frightened to examine me and what motivates me. Both good and bad - there are many thing I reacted to with distorted thinking that fell into the facade category. I believed (wrongly) that a child admits fear, an adult admits concern. I had all kinds of distorted rules for adulting that were strangely rigid and void of showing emotions.
Yet, when I came to Al-Anon meetings with an open mind, and observed others who were working the program hard, I saw them share from deep within. They appeared to be authentic and able to voice what truly was in the minds and on their heart and I was impressed. I began to see that Al-Anon is a group of like-minded persons seeking only to be better versions of themselves. I loved that they could share without fear of advice, judgement, domination and/or criticism. I felt the gentle spirit in the Al-Anon rooms, and did begin to believe in miracles, even for me.
I had been so private and guarded for so long, it was hard to imagine what I observed could be for 'me too'. I learned to share in the group using I statements, without cross-talk and from the heart. It took practice to not worry about filters and judgment, but healing really began for me when I allowed my walls to fall and the miracle in.
Make it a lovely Wednesday all - off to a meeting today, and then got some overnight guests - my son + the little guys. I also have softball so a reasonably busy day! (((Hugs)))
KT2015 said
Aug 9, 2017
Thanks Skorpi for your service.
I like this reading. I too had to discover who I really was. I feel like I am still discovering this over time. I can be such a good chameleon. I was such a people pleaser I spent most of my time adjusting myself to what I thought others wanted of me rather than just being myself. So much so and for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore. I saw myself in relation to what others wanted me to be. The program taught me to focus on myself and that was, and continues to be difficult at times. There is nowhere that I feel more comfortable to be myself than in my home group. There I can be me. Express what I am feeling and let it out. And at the end of the meeting people still love me. When I came into the program I didn't know who I was or what I liked. Now I can tell you that I absolutely love exercise, the gym and physical activity (something I didn't discover until a few years ago), I have a wicked sense of humour that I need to check sometimes, I am soft and caring and have a lot of love in my heart (something I used to try to resist), I am Stubborn (yes with a capital S) and strong willed and that gets me into trouble sometimes, I am passionate about my field of work and my beliefs. What a great gift this program has given me. The permission to be myself and love her too! :)
Lyne said
Aug 9, 2017
I can relate to the reading and what everyone said: being a chameleon, not knowing who I was, the part maybe I did know, I was afraid to show, etc. What was deeply ingrained in my thinking, was that I was not good enough, not smart enough, not really having anything to be proud of (which wasn't true), and felt embarrassed and blushed most of the time. I was ashamed and wanted to be invisible. I certainly improved over the years with a variety of therapists, but I must say it is Alanon that is giving me a healthy and realistic way to see myself, and love myself. Thank you Alanon, Lyne
bud said
Aug 9, 2017
I can relate to this also... being a chameleon was necessary for childhood survival in an unhealthy home. These practices don't serve me well now, and I'm rebuilding my self esteem that I'm enough as I am and it's ok for me to be true to myself regardless of what other's think. I'ts a process and a journey.
hotrod said
Aug 9, 2017
Thank you Skprpi for your service. I too was afraid to be "ME" and entering alanon I found it difficult to go inward to share from my heart--It was unfamiliar ground. it took practice learning to trust that I was OK . Another huge acceptance was that I was not perfect and that being human was not a defect. Once I was comfortable being honest at meeting it was simple to bring it out into the world.
Thank you for your service I hope your day was inspiring
Aline said
Aug 10, 2017
Thanks for your service, Skorpi, and for all the esh above. This is a wonderful reading and applies to me so much... I remember I adopted a new "persona" in my teenage years - what I considered "cool" people were like. I was just so insecure as a child, I could not handle being just good ol' me. I find I still put masks on, the "nice and friendly" me (just in case I'm not nice and friendly enough as myself) is a frequent go-to. I just realized it. I kind of new what I was doing but when put in writing this feels like a very useful revelation. I'll explore this more.
tiredtonite said
Aug 10, 2017
Thanks skorpi for your service and sharing. This is something I continue to work on.. being true to who I am, how I feel, responding honestly to life and people - authenticity. I want to be more mindful concerning adjusting myself to others in order to fit in. Sometimes through force of habit, I almost instintively know how to slip right in and fit with others unlike myself. Have I mentioned I'm an ACOA? At least for me, that has mean't a long history of being hyperconscious of others to protect myself. So fear taught me to be a people pleaser when I sensed I was around someone emotionally unsafe. When I reached Alanon, I had been adjusting myself to others as a form of damage control. Today, I no longer need to be so guarded. It has taken time, willingness and some risking to try new healthier behaviors like respectfully disagreeing with someone, saying no when asked a favor and feeling ok inside about it rather than anxious, accepting another's way of doing something but not allowing myself to be taken advantage of (having boundaries and serenity maintenance - healthy give and take in my interactions) and then letting go and turning it all over to my higher power. Recovery is a journey and I see myself as a lifelong learner. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 10th of August 2017 04:15:35 PM
Good morning, MIP!
Today's reading in Courage to Change is about being who we are. The author describes a feeling of not ever being able to be themself around other people, for fear that others would reject them. The author talks about realizing at an AlAnon meeting that they were not alone in this fear, and that others in the room shared characteristics with the author. The author realized that they did not need to lie about who they were in these meetings, because others in the room were like them. Eventually, the author was able to live for inner peace instead of outward appearances.
This feeling of not being able to be myself around others really rings true for me. Rejection usually followed when I was open and honest, and so I learned to keep myself protected and hidden, showing only what I thought would be easily accepted by those around me. I live and work in 2 different languages and 2 different cultures, and it felt like I had 2 different personalities, one that was easily acceptable to each culture. Through my work in AlAnon, I have discovered that neither of these personalities is really me, and I have been working toward a better understanding of myself. It is freeing to know that I am acceptable as I am, and that I have found a group of affirmative people who travel the road of recovery and self discovery with me.
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
It made me uncomfortable and a bit frightened to examine me and what motivates me. Both good and bad - there are many thing I reacted to with distorted thinking that fell into the facade category. I believed (wrongly) that a child admits fear, an adult admits concern. I had all kinds of distorted rules for adulting that were strangely rigid and void of showing emotions.
Yet, when I came to Al-Anon meetings with an open mind, and observed others who were working the program hard, I saw them share from deep within. They appeared to be authentic and able to voice what truly was in the minds and on their heart and I was impressed. I began to see that Al-Anon is a group of like-minded persons seeking only to be better versions of themselves. I loved that they could share without fear of advice, judgement, domination and/or criticism. I felt the gentle spirit in the Al-Anon rooms, and did begin to believe in miracles, even for me.
I had been so private and guarded for so long, it was hard to imagine what I observed could be for 'me too'. I learned to share in the group using I statements, without cross-talk and from the heart. It took practice to not worry about filters and judgment, but healing really began for me when I allowed my walls to fall and the miracle in.
Make it a lovely Wednesday all - off to a meeting today, and then got some overnight guests - my son + the little guys. I also have softball so a reasonably busy day! (((Hugs)))
I like this reading. I too had to discover who I really was. I feel like I am still discovering this over time. I can be such a good chameleon. I was such a people pleaser I spent most of my time adjusting myself to what I thought others wanted of me rather than just being myself. So much so and for so long that I didn't know who I was anymore. I saw myself in relation to what others wanted me to be. The program taught me to focus on myself and that was, and continues to be difficult at times. There is nowhere that I feel more comfortable to be myself than in my home group. There I can be me. Express what I am feeling and let it out. And at the end of the meeting people still love me. When I came into the program I didn't know who I was or what I liked. Now I can tell you that I absolutely love exercise, the gym and physical activity (something I didn't discover until a few years ago), I have a wicked sense of humour that I need to check sometimes, I am soft and caring and have a lot of love in my heart (something I used to try to resist), I am Stubborn (yes with a capital S) and strong willed and that gets me into trouble sometimes, I am passionate about my field of work and my beliefs. What a great gift this program has given me. The permission to be myself and love her too! :)
Thank you for your service I hope your day was inspiring
Thanks skorpi for your service and sharing. This is something I continue to work on.. being true to who I am, how I feel, responding honestly to life and people - authenticity. I want to be more mindful concerning adjusting myself to others in order to fit in. Sometimes through force of habit, I almost instintively know how to slip right in and fit with others unlike myself. Have I mentioned I'm an ACOA? At least for me, that has mean't a long history of being hyperconscious of others to protect myself. So fear taught me to be a people pleaser when I sensed I was around someone emotionally unsafe. When I reached Alanon, I had been adjusting myself to others as a form of damage control. Today, I no longer need to be so guarded. It has taken time, willingness and some risking to try new healthier behaviors like respectfully disagreeing with someone, saying no when asked a favor and feeling ok inside about it rather than anxious, accepting another's way of doing something but not allowing myself to be taken advantage of (having boundaries and serenity maintenance - healthy give and take in my interactions) and then letting go and turning it all over to my higher power. Recovery is a journey and I see myself as a lifelong learner. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 10th of August 2017 04:15:35 PM