My AH's nephew texted me today and told me that AH wants to wait a few days. He then asked me if AH was stalling. LOL! I told him, more than likely. I told him that AH is thinking clearer now, and thinks he can manage this with minimal fuss. My nephew then told me that all the places he called said that they can only accept someone if THEY consent to enter rehab.
So for now, AH won't go.
I came home from work and it's a very weird feeling... like I never told him my boundaries at all. He hasn't talked about if he will eventually go into rehab, if he intends to move out ... nothing.
So I am going to stick with MY plan. I paid rent. So I have a full 30 days to begin the process of moving out. It is a daunting task... 29 years of married/family life that I must condense into a one room guest house. But, I am not panicking! I am telling myself that more will be revealed, to just be patient and do the next right thing.
Perhaps tomorrow I will ask him what he intends to do.
Peace.
Aline said
Aug 8, 2017
Hugs, (((PnP))). You are doing great. Prayers and well wishes your way.
hotrod said
Aug 8, 2017
((PNP)) sending positive energy and prayers your way. Denial is a very powerful tool and i believe he has employed it in order to ignore your boundaries. This is indeed a dreadful disease.
Iamhere said
Aug 8, 2017
(((PnP))) - I too am sending you tons of (((hugs))), positive thoughts and prayers. I see great program in action - keep working it...it looks good on you.
Jazzie18 said
Aug 8, 2017
Sending positive thoughts and prayers. You are doing great.
Lyne said
Aug 8, 2017
PNP-ODAT, the only way to go, and you are doing it. As one of our daily readers is titled, "Courage to Change." And it does take courage, and you don't have to do it perfectly. You are showing courage! Remember , progress not perfection. Lyne :)
SerenityRUS said
Aug 8, 2017
Big hugs,
Good for you on having a plan .. right now he doesn't need to know .. you know what you know and he will figure it out pretty quick.
An A believes what I show them, however not what I tell them anyway .. and vise versa is true for me .. I believe what is said to me not what I see. Talk is cheap at this point and I am learning to take action and not rationalize my choices after all they are my choices.
Hugs S :)
KT2015 said
Aug 8, 2017
Big hugs too!!
I am so glad you have a plan for yourself. That is the healthiest thing you can do. I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes after 29 years together but I am glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and your son and making the two of you a priority.
I agree with Serenity on the believing what you are shown not what you hear. Take care!
milkwood said
Aug 8, 2017
((((((Hugs))))))
Likewise, I think it is great to see your courage and faith in your plan.
I felt weird as well when I started sticking to my plans for me. After 30 years together I think my husband did not believe that I would move out but I had to do it for my own sanity and safety. I was amazed when he told me that he was proud of me for doing it. I would have preferred all sorts of other options of course but my actions spoke louder than words.
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 8, 2017
Thank you for all the support! ODAT is how I roll now!! LOL! It is a very strange way for me, as I am a "planner," but it seems each day is different and unpredictable when you live with an active A.
The daily reader, "Courage to Change" is a very appropriate title... it takes courage to admit you are living a life of chaos with an alcoholic, it takes courage to set boundaries, and eventually it takes the most courage of all to Change what you can Change (you and your situation).
Even though AH seems back to "normal" today, I know that it's like all the other hundreds of times... he will soon succumb to the vodka. And the merry-go-round begins again. I read the following article;
This Is The Brutal Truth About Loving A Drug Addict
By Staci Wuokko
And it was sad, but spot on! It also reminded me that FOR ME, I don't want to live that kind of love anymore. When the time comes, I will tell my AH of 29 years that I want peace and serenity above all else and we can just be good friends... or not (his actions will be his decision).
For those who are new and reading this, it took me 9 months to get to my mind set. Reading, & more reading, slogans, then F2F meetings, sponsor, and finally the courage to take the first steps to MY independence from living with the chaos of alcoholism. Please don't think it will happen overnight. OUR disease of co-dependence is strong too! But it seems like the "release of the brain" from dealing with an alcoholic SO doesn't begin to happen until you turn your thoughts back to YOU!
Thanks to all above who have shared their ESH, and/or offered support!
Junenine said
Aug 8, 2017
(((PosiesandPuppies))) sending you so much positive energy. much admiration for your strength. thanks for the article reference - it's a good one. hugs to you!
Iamhere said
Aug 8, 2017
(((PnP))) - time takes time and ... progress is always the best goal in recovery. I applaud your courage - keep doing you!!!
YARNCRAZY said
Aug 8, 2017
takes a lot of strength,HP and courage. I did it after 25 yrs of marriage and a 3bdrm house and u can too. You have to decide what material things you need in a basic way and what sentimental things are going to give you positive feelings not sadness. even after being in my 1bdrm apt for 8mth i still was discarding things. I actually threw away mt parents vacation pics etc but these were their memories i was dragging around and they were gone and no one cared. I now live in my boyfriend's hoarded house so living minimally is 100x more important to me.
first things first,we are pulling for u !!!
PosiesandPuppies said
Aug 8, 2017
Thank you, June!
Iamhere- I am trying! Thanks for the support!
Alyce - wow, you left a lot behind, but it sounds like you are now living in peace with yourself! Good thing I am a 'throw-awayer!" LOL!
I posted on another thread re: my AH.
My AH's nephew texted me today and told me that AH wants to wait a few days. He then asked me if AH was stalling. LOL! I told him, more than likely. I told him that AH is thinking clearer now, and thinks he can manage this with minimal fuss. My nephew then told me that all the places he called said that they can only accept someone if THEY consent to enter rehab.
So for now, AH won't go.
I came home from work and it's a very weird feeling... like I never told him my boundaries at all. He hasn't talked about if he will eventually go into rehab, if he intends to move out ... nothing.
So I am going to stick with MY plan. I paid rent. So I have a full 30 days to begin the process of moving out. It is a daunting task... 29 years of married/family life that I must condense into a one room guest house. But, I am not panicking! I am telling myself that more will be revealed, to just be patient and do the next right thing.
Perhaps tomorrow I will ask him what he intends to do.
Peace.
Good for you on having a plan .. right now he doesn't need to know .. you know what you know and he will figure it out pretty quick.
An A believes what I show them, however not what I tell them anyway .. and vise versa is true for me .. I believe what is said to me not what I see. Talk is cheap at this point and I am learning to take action and not rationalize my choices after all they are my choices.
Hugs S :)
I am so glad you have a plan for yourself. That is the healthiest thing you can do. I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes after 29 years together but I am glad to hear you are taking care of yourself and your son and making the two of you a priority.
I agree with Serenity on the believing what you are shown not what you hear. Take care!
Likewise, I think it is great to see your courage and faith in your plan.
I felt weird as well when I started sticking to my plans for me. After 30 years together I think my husband did not believe that I would move out but I had to do it for my own sanity and safety. I was amazed when he told me that he was proud of me for doing it. I would have preferred all sorts of other options of course but my actions spoke louder than words.
The daily reader, "Courage to Change" is a very appropriate title... it takes courage to admit you are living a life of chaos with an alcoholic, it takes courage to set boundaries, and eventually it takes the most courage of all to Change what you can Change (you and your situation).
Even though AH seems back to "normal" today, I know that it's like all the other hundreds of times... he will soon succumb to the vodka. And the merry-go-round begins again. I read the following article;
This Is The Brutal Truth About Loving A Drug Addict
By Staci Wuokko
And it was sad, but spot on! It also reminded me that FOR ME, I don't want to live that kind of love anymore. When the time comes, I will tell my AH of 29 years that I want peace and serenity above all else and we can just be good friends... or not (his actions will be his decision).
For those who are new and reading this, it took me 9 months to get to my mind set. Reading, & more reading, slogans, then F2F meetings, sponsor, and finally the courage to take the first steps to MY independence from living with the chaos of alcoholism. Please don't think it will happen overnight. OUR disease of co-dependence is strong too! But it seems like the "release of the brain" from dealing with an alcoholic SO doesn't begin to happen until you turn your thoughts back to YOU!
Thanks to all above who have shared their ESH, and/or offered support!
(((PosiesandPuppies))) sending you so much positive energy. much admiration for your strength. thanks for the article reference - it's a good one. hugs to you!
first things first,we are pulling for u !!!
Iamhere- I am trying! Thanks for the support!
Alyce - wow, you left a lot behind, but it sounds like you are now living in peace with yourself! Good thing I am a 'throw-awayer!" LOL!