So I abandoned FB five or six years ago, because I didn't like it. Recently, for the sake of my family project, I had to get back on. It made me a bit anxious but there were also long-term friends I cut off in the process whom it was good to contact again. True friends, you know who they are with time, that's for sure.
Anyway, today I had been thinking about jealousy, jealous people, how to deal with them, whether they could be dealt with etc etc. It was starting to invade my peace. So I sat with it and started looking for lots of quotes on the qualities that are important to me now. Kindness, patience, soul, strength. Reading positive things that I could connect with from a place of personal understanding and experience, really uplifted me and cleared my mind. There were also things on writing and being a writer that lifted my spirits. I ended up unfriending several people whom I know I am powerless to change and whom are merely guests of goodwill, not essential to matters. I don't think they themselves quite realised that's how it is. I didnt. It's funny how we put ourselves in the space of chasers, and provers. I've been chasing everyone up, feeling slightly like I need to prove something then suddenly realised actually, I don't need to prove anything! Freedom.
Just as others are who they are, so too am I. I don't need to do negative people anymore than is absolutely neccesary. Freedom is a wonderful thing.
milkwood said
Aug 3, 2017
Gosh, this lifted my spirits - its contagious!!
I agree, true friends and freedom of the mind are great gifts, thank you for sharing. (((((Hugs))))))
Skorpi said
Aug 3, 2017
(((hugs))) to you! What a powerful realization!
hotrod said
Aug 3, 2017
Good Morning A41 I so understand the issue regarding jealousy. I do believe that is why I was so attracted to alanon. I saw it as a fellowship of equals where each member attempted to live by uplifting principles of no gossip, criticism, judgment or blame--,competition was at a minimum and we were all attempting to grow spiritually. I love your outline of the traits that appeal to you such as Kindness, patience, soul, strength.
Thanks for this uplifting thought provoking share.
Bo said
Aug 3, 2017
Thank you so very much for posting this. The blind spot or ah-hah moment when looking at something is so empowering. What an excellent realization. Thank you!!!
Iamhere said
Aug 3, 2017
a4l - lovely, lovely share!!! The concept of FB is a good one however it's become an interesting place. I have never posted anything, I tend to just go there for private groups, of which I belong to many based on interests. For me, it's the equivalent of people watching at a large mall or a walmart - I end up SMH more than anything else!
I too have pretty much let it go - it can be a great tool for fast/necessary communications but beyond that, it's like one huge compete/compare platform, of which I truly have no interest or desire in.
Your growth and awareness are very inspiring!! Love how you used tools to change up the mode of thinking! (((Hugs)))
shrnp said
Aug 3, 2017
I enjoy using Facebook to see what old friends and family that live far away are doing. I have unfriended people who seem to think that their life is a show that everyone else wants to watch.
mamalioness said
Aug 3, 2017
Oh I could not agree with Betty more, AND on facebook, it seems with a lot of folks, not just jealousy and competition but also the "one upmanship" like folks putting only the best foot forward and not really showing the real THEM....I cut down my list to #1 horsey people whom I share the horse races with AND #2, the friendship, personal people with whom I can just be me and be loved and accept AS IS..no returns and no pretense...I have done posts on my page about real life issues and how I felt about them and I have had folks come against me and saying "you are too real...too open ..makes folks uncomfortable.." HONESTY makes folks uncomfortable??? I'm not talking deep personal stuff that you keep for the phone calls, one on one, i am talking about current events and my take on them...and THAT is ruffling feathers???? well, a list clean up was in order and so I did just that....facebook is optional and its MY page..I can post on MY page whatever I wish as long as I am not attacking anyone else, keeping the focus on me and MY ESH which I do..I carry the program precepts into my every day life...I don't just show up here and be a "program worker bee" and then be a total phoney in the outside world...I want to be the real deal wherever I go and If I can't be the real me??? check my motives..do a quicky step 10 and if the relationship dictates that I have to be politically correct or whatever I am GONE.....POOF.......ME GONE!!!! Just saying
tiredtonite said
Aug 3, 2017
Thank you for this. It's something I really needed to hear. I decided to return to my home group recently after dropping my Alanon sponsor. By her own admission, she is a gossip but "only people at work." I know this isn't true because through the years she tried to update me about mutual acquaintances in Alanon. I've always cut her off and told her I rather hear anything about a person directly from them. It's always been a big deal to me due to growing up in a home where there was plenty of gossip, criticism and disrespect for privacy. I know I made the right decision to end my sponsor/sponsee relationship with her but it felt awkward to re-enter my homegroup. I plan to keep coming back just the same. Her actions in the end had been cruel and self serving towards me but I haven't discussed it with anyone in the program f2f. She sounds so very "recovering" at our Alanon meeting but of course how she chooses to show up or work her program really isn't my business. My recovery is my business and keeping that focus. I've got my stuff to work on especially letting go of my current resentment that she hasn't apologized. Has hll frozen over yet? People will be hurtful but like you with your FB account, I don't have to give up on my meeting. I would miss people there and getting what I need. I can to be true to myself by choosing my closer associations with greater care. I am always going to need Alanon so I'll keep coming back and take what I like and leave the rest. Thanks so much for sharing. TT
mamalioness said
Aug 3, 2017
hey Tired...so so sorry your sponsor betrayed you....I had one do that to me...but the karma always catches up...seems she was sharing to ME about my recovery BFF and sharing with my BFF about me...well me and BFF compared notes and BFF was too mortified to confront, but I was not...I "outed" her (sponsor) about this horrendous breach of trust and "fired" her as my sponsor (BFF wrote her an email doing the same thing) but I was on the PHONE, confronting her..."oh I didn't do that---sharing you with others??? who told you that/??" my reply "NONE of your business, but a few of us compared notes and Whala!!! You are BUSTED" and I told her if I heard anymore about her, I would , I mean leave our private little group NOW (a page I had set up) Leave it NOW or I am "outing" you big time...so she signed off...quit...crawled back in her cave.....HOW can someone do that?? is beyond me but it happened....now i use recovery mates and I am VEEEERY careful whom I chose...once betrayed, it is real hard for me to recoup......but yea, i hear ya and I empathize...most of us here are here because we have been burned in one way or the other....Trust is a big issue for me...that is why I am so upfront and honest because I want people to love me/leave me but do it with the REAL me...not a phony me.....my FB account has good people...horse racing fans like me and folks whom I went to school with as a kid, got lots of my deceased sisters friends whom I call MY friend just as much...she and I had 29 mutual friends because we were both into horses and horse racing and we , of course, not real far in age difference, we hung with the same kids......god its been one week and 2 days since she left...I saw a post from her on her favorite picture of me and i freaked!!! thought she was still alive for a second........thanks TT for your nice share....its good to see you here....
bud said
Aug 3, 2017
Great post and thread- love "mental and emotional freedom"!
a4l said
Aug 3, 2017
I'm so glad this share was of use. TT, I recall similar situations where I had to be in the same places as people who appeared to be all kind and wise and right. Seven to nine years later, I am again within the ambit of those same people and really, the life one lives, the thoughts one nurtures, shine through in the life one lives, for good or for unwell. That is ultimate truth and no amount of lip service can change it. So be strong in your programme and your moral code, we all are who we are. What others think of us is no one business, but what we think of ourselves is powerful. Xx
bud said
Aug 4, 2017
I can relate- I still struggle to not absorb people's words as a sponge soaks up water... where I walk around full of other people's negativity and spend my day internally battling it but not letting it go. As I write, I realize how ridiculous and unhealthy this is - and I do it to myself ... and, thankfully have the ability to change this.
I agree, true friends and freedom of the mind are great gifts, thank you for sharing. (((((Hugs))))))
Good Morning A41 I so understand the issue regarding jealousy. I do believe that is why I was so attracted to alanon. I saw it as a fellowship of equals where each member attempted to live by uplifting principles of no gossip, criticism, judgment or blame--,competition was at a minimum and we were all attempting to grow spiritually. I love your outline of the traits that appeal to you such as Kindness, patience, soul, strength.
Thanks for this uplifting thought provoking share.
I too have pretty much let it go - it can be a great tool for fast/necessary communications but beyond that, it's like one huge compete/compare platform, of which I truly have no interest or desire in.
Your growth and awareness are very inspiring!! Love how you used tools to change up the mode of thinking! (((Hugs)))
Oh I could not agree with Betty more, AND on facebook, it seems with a lot of folks, not just jealousy and competition but also the "one upmanship" like folks putting only the best foot forward and not really showing the real THEM....I cut down my list to #1 horsey people whom I share the horse races with AND #2, the friendship, personal people with whom I can just be me and be loved and accept AS IS..no returns and no pretense...I have done posts on my page about real life issues and how I felt about them and I have had folks come against me and saying "you are too real...too open ..makes folks uncomfortable.." HONESTY makes folks uncomfortable??? I'm not talking deep personal stuff that you keep for the phone calls, one on one, i am talking about current events and my take on them...and THAT is ruffling feathers???? well, a list clean up was in order and so I did just that....facebook is optional and its MY page..I can post on MY page whatever I wish as long as I am not attacking anyone else, keeping the focus on me and MY ESH which I do..I carry the program precepts into my every day life...I don't just show up here and be a "program worker bee" and then be a total phoney in the outside world...I want to be the real deal wherever I go and If I can't be the real me??? check my motives..do a quicky step 10 and if the relationship dictates that I have to be politically correct or whatever I am GONE.....POOF.......ME GONE!!!! Just saying
Thank you for this. It's something I really needed to hear. I decided to return to my home group recently after dropping my Alanon sponsor. By her own admission, she is a gossip but "only people at work." I know this isn't true because through the years she tried to update me about mutual acquaintances in Alanon. I've always cut her off and told her I rather hear anything about a person directly from them. It's always been a big deal to me due to growing up in a home where there was plenty of gossip, criticism and disrespect for privacy. I know I made the right decision to end my sponsor/sponsee relationship with her but it felt awkward to re-enter my homegroup. I plan to keep coming back just the same. Her actions in the end had been cruel and self serving towards me but I haven't discussed it with anyone in the program f2f. She sounds so very "recovering" at our Alanon meeting but of course how she chooses to show up or work her program really isn't my business. My recovery is my business and keeping that focus. I've got my stuff to work on especially letting go of my current resentment that she hasn't apologized. Has hll frozen over yet? People will be hurtful but like you with your FB account, I don't have to give up on my meeting. I would miss people there and getting what I need. I can to be true to myself by choosing my closer associations with greater care. I am always going to need Alanon so I'll keep coming back and take what I like and leave the rest. Thanks so much for sharing. TT