Hi, I'm new here. I need some immediate help so unfortunately I have not read all the rules and regulations and FAQs so please forgive me if this topic has already been mentioned.
I will try to make this as short as possible but there are details I need to make sure I hit.
First off, my husband is a drug addict, not an alcoholic... So I still hope someone can help. My husband becomes a schizophrenic when he uses. He recently, while I was on vacation with my family, allowed other addicts in our house. One of the guys robbed us blind. Laptops, tablets, chargers, my wedding ring and earrings, even crazy things like shampoo, razors, lotion and coffee. After all of this, he started threatening my husband and later, even me! I do not live this lifestyle at all! And I feel I have done nothing to deserve this. My husband promised that he was through... It finally hit home when someone started threatening me. Things were good for a couple weeks and then as soon as he got paid... He went right back out to get high.
When I returned home after work yesterday, he was fried out of his mind. He was accusing me of working for the police, knowing more than I was letting on, all kinds of crazy stuff. I took his gun away because I'm scared of him when he gets like that. He totally destroyed our house. Broke belongings. And eventually started walking around, looking out doors and windows with a huge wrench or tire tool. I eventually got a hotel because I was so scared of him.
I can't afford a hotel every night but I also can't risk my life staying in the same house with him when he gets like that. He's a GREAT guy when he is sober.. and he knows he needs help but he still hasn't made that step to return to treatment again.
My question now is, does anyone know what my rights are? Since we are married, in the state of Texas, everything is considered equal. So do I have the right to put chains on the doors or changing the locks to keep him out while he is high and being crazy? Who could I contact, anonymously, to find out my rights on this? Police, lawyer, etc? Like I said, I don't want him to get into any kind of trouble but I need to protect myself as well.
Sorry this is so long... But if anyone has any advice, guidance, opinions, you will never know how appreciative I would be.
Another note, he is a disabled veteran. I did contact the VA today but all the help they offered was rehab and individual or couples counseling.
Can anyone help? Please!!
southernmissgirl9 said
Jul 27, 2017
I tried to include paragraphs so my long post wouldn't run together. Apparently that didn't work :/ sorry!
shrnp said
Jul 27, 2017
Hello southernmiss,
Welcome to MIP. I am sorry you are going through this. Alanon is for people who have an alcoholic loved one, but some people use it if they have a loved one using drugs too. We are not suppose to give advice, so your question is a hard one to answer. This is the domestic violence web site there is a hotline and a chat feature. www.thehotline.org. There is also narconon for people with loved ones who are addicted to drugs. You can also call social services, it is up to you of you want to call the police. Good luck. I am sure someone else will have some other tools you can use.
southernmissgirl9 said
Jul 27, 2017
Thank you so much for the response. I wasn't aware of the narcotics version of Al Anon. I'm not sure what the social services will entail but I will definitely do my research and also look into the website you suggested. Once again, thank you so much. It's comforting knowing there are people going through the same things and care. Makes the feelings of loneliness a little less harsh.
shrnp said
Jul 27, 2017
You are welcome, try and stay save. There are women's shelters if you have to leave and need a place to go, the local police and social services can help you if it is an emergency.
Jerry F said
Jul 28, 2017
Southernmiss...welcome to the MIP family. You explain perfectly the insanity we lived or live with also and while my alcoholic/addict wife did not have the same level of anger and rage that a male addict has I was the one that acted out like that. What she did was legal and real for her...she called the cops on me for the right reasons to protect her life and our property. I won't go into how bad it got though it was life threatening at times. Alcohol and drugs are mind and mood altering chemicals so under the influence he is less than human and cannot be relied upon as when he is clean and sober. You reached out for help here at MIP and can also reach out for help to the family services where you live including public safety and more; the hospital for instance. This disease cannot be cured only arrested by total abstinence. If he is in the grips of the disease it is predicting what is and will go on. You are a victim of it as much as he is. Find the face to face Al-Anon Family Groups in your area and call to find out where and when they get together that you might go sit and listen to their ESH (Experiences Strengths and Hopes) as we have. Keep coming back to let us know how it is come...Love and prayers and support. ((((hugs))))
YARNCRAZY said
Jul 28, 2017
here in ca and i hope in texas,for free,you can file a specific restaining order.after like 21 days, in court,you will be asked if u want it for a year then. i did it. also protect yourself. try to confide in a friend,neighbor or relative to have a safe place to go when things get hairy.. im sure there are domestic violence services near you. even if he hasnt touched u violently, emotional verbal violence can damage you. Alanon saved me,,try to find a local meeting. the people there understand all u are facing.
Mattie said
Jul 29, 2017
I'm so sorry you are going through this and glad you have found us. I agree that a Domestic Violence shelter would most likely have the information you want about legalities. They will have been through this scenario many times. It is clear that, like many addicts, your husband turns into someone he would never be when clean and sober. We have to watch out and not underestimate the danger of those times when he doesn't know what he's doing. It's easy to underestimate sometimes because we know he would never be threatening when he is in his right mind. But they don't call them "mind-altering substances" for nothing. So putting chains on the doors or things like that may not be enough. I think it would be important to get both legal advice and advice on how to proceed when partnered with an addict - protecting yourself is more than the legal situation, it is also many practicalities.
The website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline is here:http://www.thehotline.org/.
It has many pages on how to protect yourself. Be sure to note the part about keeping important things (documents, etc.) stashed elsewhere, and a bag of essentials in your car or somewhere you can grab it so that you can make a rapid exit if things get threatening. As you know, when addicts are under the influence, they can be threatening and unpredictable. Your highest priority is to keep yourself safe!
I hope you'll also find a local meeting. The Al-Anon program is very similar for those affected by alcoholism and drug addiction. So Nar-Anon may be a great resource but Al-Anon is also good if Nar-Anon is not easily available. And we hope you'll come back to this site too. Take good care of yourself.
WestMan said
Aug 2, 2017
Hi Southernmiss. I hope you are feeling a little better today. The situation you describe is very concerning and highly dangerous. He is becoming paranoid, arming himself and turning his paranoia towards you. You are well within your rights to do whatever you need to protect yourself. Removing the firearm was a smart move, I suggest you keep it out of his access. Chains on a door are fine but won't do much if he's really wanting to get past the door.
If his behavior makes you feel unsafe you are totally within your rights to call the police. They'd rather come out before a crime is committed.
mamalioness said
Aug 3, 2017
hey Southernmiss...I'm in TX too..I can't add to the already great answers you got here, but I cannot emphasize enough HE IS UNSAFE....HE IS DANGEROUS.....I would be contacting a domestic violence shelter councellor, also there are paralegals who can advise you at minimum cost what your rights are....yes, properties and other assets are community and the courts will , if you disolve this marriage, divy up the assets....unless he gets into rehab and into NA, this will, for sure, get worse....I have a drug addict brother...We dont' even know, now, if he's even alive...my sister died 8 days ago, and he has not "surfaced" from his street "home" Noone can find him...hes unsafe, too, when high on the speed drugs, like Meth....if he is doing illegal drugs, dealing,or stealing, maybe that will catch up with him and they will put him in jail and he will be FORCED to sober up, but still..no guarantees there....if this was me, I would be contacting a domestic abuse shelter and speaking with a councellor, they can direct you on legal help, a LOT of stuff they can help you with...there is help but you gotta reach out for it...chains on the doors is not gonna stop someone all high on drugs.....I would start stashing my valuables in a duffel bag, papers that are important and Stuff that is real important for me to start anew and hide those valuables somewhere safe....IF you encounter him, don't engage him, don't confront, if he is high?? get the hell out and into a DV shelter....this is only going to get worse as the drugs take over....my brother went from a mellow, funny, playful little guy to a maniac who deliberately thought he would have fun one night, driving his car, he saw a cop car....he deliberately ran into that car, tboned the cruiser...Thank God the cop was inside the 7-11 store where this happened....little bro has a real gift of BS...he actually convinced the law he had a seizure and "i dunno what happened" but yea, hes dangerous...and is getting worse from all reports i hear of him....hes been MIA now for 2 months maybe?? we don't know if he is still above ground...hes a street druggie who lives on the streets and soon as he gets up , he uses until he goes to sleep at night....so you are looking at a horrid road ahead if he doesn't get into hospital and help....its time for you to take ALL actions to take care of and protect you......really...I can't emphasize enough.....you really need to contact DV shelters and maybe go to a meeting and ask the old timers what they are doing/did re: their users or drinkrs.....
southernmissgirl9 said
Aug 5, 2017
Sorry, I lost this website for a bit and things have been a little on the crazy side.
He finally went to the VA and checked in to the rehab program. But not without one last "she-bang". They put him in detox until he came down from his schizo meth high. They finally released him to the VA rehab program yesterday. When he was in detox his attitude was not very good. He was ready to leave and give up already. But yesterday he sounded a little better and more optimistic and willing to give this 100%.
He was assigned a new doctor and new meds so here's to hoping that will help. With him being a combat veteran I am allowed my own individual treatment/counseling. I will definitely be utilizing that! As 10 years of his addiction has really beat me down mentally and physically. I'm willing to do anything to help myself as well!
This is his 3rd time in treatment since we've been together. It's hard to not feel a little doubtful as all the other times obviously have "not worked". But I feel like I need to be there for him at least one last time.
Thank you all so much for the concern and care enough to even comment on my post. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone and there are resources out there to help and protect myself. Good luck to everyone else out there that are dealing with their own battles.
Iamhere said
Aug 5, 2017
Hey southernmissgirl - sounds like forward progress! I applaud your willingness to get the help offered! Sending you and your guy tons of positive thoughts and prayers. Know that we're here for you!!!
Welcome to MIP. I am sorry you are going through this. Alanon is for people who have an alcoholic loved one, but some people use it if they have a loved one using drugs too. We are not suppose to give advice, so your question is a hard one to answer. This is the domestic violence web site there is a hotline and a chat feature. www.thehotline.org. There is also narconon for people with loved ones who are addicted to drugs. You can also call social services, it is up to you of you want to call the police. Good luck. I am sure someone else will have some other tools you can use.
Southernmiss...welcome to the MIP family. You explain perfectly the insanity we lived or live with also and while my alcoholic/addict wife did not have the same level of anger and rage that a male addict has I was the one that acted out like that. What she did was legal and real for her...she called the cops on me for the right reasons to protect her life and our property. I won't go into how bad it got though it was life threatening at times. Alcohol and drugs are mind and mood altering chemicals so under the influence he is less than human and cannot be relied upon as when he is clean and sober. You reached out for help here at MIP and can also reach out for help to the family services where you live including public safety and more; the hospital for instance. This disease cannot be cured only arrested by total abstinence. If he is in the grips of the disease it is predicting what is and will go on. You are a victim of it as much as he is. Find the face to face Al-Anon Family Groups in your area and call to find out where and when they get together that you might go sit and listen to their ESH (Experiences Strengths and Hopes) as we have. Keep coming back to let us know how it is come...Love and prayers and support. ((((hugs))))
I'm so sorry you are going through this and glad you have found us. I agree that a Domestic Violence shelter would most likely have the information you want about legalities. They will have been through this scenario many times. It is clear that, like many addicts, your husband turns into someone he would never be when clean and sober. We have to watch out and not underestimate the danger of those times when he doesn't know what he's doing. It's easy to underestimate sometimes because we know he would never be threatening when he is in his right mind. But they don't call them "mind-altering substances" for nothing. So putting chains on the doors or things like that may not be enough. I think it would be important to get both legal advice and advice on how to proceed when partnered with an addict - protecting yourself is more than the legal situation, it is also many practicalities.
The website of the National Domestic Violence Hotline is here:http://www.thehotline.org/.
It has many pages on how to protect yourself. Be sure to note the part about keeping important things (documents, etc.) stashed elsewhere, and a bag of essentials in your car or somewhere you can grab it so that you can make a rapid exit if things get threatening. As you know, when addicts are under the influence, they can be threatening and unpredictable. Your highest priority is to keep yourself safe!
I hope you'll also find a local meeting. The Al-Anon program is very similar for those affected by alcoholism and drug addiction. So Nar-Anon may be a great resource but Al-Anon is also good if Nar-Anon is not easily available. And we hope you'll come back to this site too. Take good care of yourself.
Hi Southernmiss. I hope you are feeling a little better today. The situation you describe is very concerning and highly dangerous. He is becoming paranoid, arming himself and turning his paranoia towards you. You are well within your rights to do whatever you need to protect yourself. Removing the firearm was a smart move, I suggest you keep it out of his access. Chains on a door are fine but won't do much if he's really wanting to get past the door.
If his behavior makes you feel unsafe you are totally within your rights to call the police. They'd rather come out before a crime is committed.